Tags: angry

Artist- Paint Smile

Lesbian Drama... SUCKS

Ok well sitting in class yesterday my friend texted me telling me that the chick that I really liked hooked up with this ugly girl Wendy. Well, that made me feel sick but the thing that made me feel even worse was Wendy's Ex-gf who she dated for years has AIDS and also gave her ex gf AIDS. So I told this chick, I wrote her a myspace message. She said it was a one time thing and she did it because she was lonely ect.. well I'm lonely to but I would never stoop to that level EVER! It makes me sad because well I dont know. I know we'll never be more then friend's ever again, even though we go to the same college but its over and done with. I was a mistake as she put it so whatever. You live and learn and move on..

On another note I don't really know, I'm just taking it day by day and all the days roll into one. I feel sick but I never go to the doctor. Blah. I just needed to vent. I lay in bed at night when I'm trying to fall asleep and I map out so many entries in here that I want to talk about and then when I finally do sit down and write I go blank. *sigh* There's no one online to talk to hench it's almost 2:40am and a school/work night but I just feel so alone. I'm not tired I woke up at 5:30pm today my sleep cycle is worse then ever and I cant' seem to do anything about it. I know its taking a big toll on my health but no matter what I do nothing works!

I have NO ONE I have NOTHING!

Ok  I called my therapist twice yesterday (Tuesday) one time during the day at like 9ish and then at like 2am to leave her a message on her cell because I really needed to and wanted to see her today! Well guess what?? she didnt even call me back at all!!! I'm so angry and I'm so hurt! I called her again today and she didn't even pick up the phone... WTF??? UGH damn her! Damn everyone. I'm really upset about this bc I really wanted to talk to her. I cut again last ngiht this time I wrote "all alone" on my leg... it bled alot because it was a new razor. But it finally stopped. UGH :( I'm so tired I slept till 4pm today and I"m still so tired. I think its emotional drain I dont know. I'm just so fed up with being alone and I just can't take the lonliless. I spent like an hour looking through photobucket at icons to do with loneliness. I found alot! *sigh* 

Even last week when I told my therapist about how i was feeling all she could say was "thats the old Danielle" um ok whatever that means... ya I haven't cut in a long time! But meeting Dee made me realize what I'm missing in life... how great life could be and how happy I was when I was with her and then BAM she's ripped right away from me in a blink of an eye. Its not fair! When is it Danielle's turn to be happy? When is it MY turn to feel love and be loved??? Is that so much to ask for? I don't think so... I wasn't planning on faling for her! I just thought hey a little hang out and what not but you can't tell your heart who to fall for! I ran out of tears.. if I saved all of the tears I cried I could drawn in them... Right now I wish I didn't have feelings I wish I didn't have a heart because then I wouldn't be feeling this pain.. but its not only her! its just the fact that no one ever gives a fuck how I feel or anything. Its always about everyone else! I'm sick of being alone! I'm sick of wasting each day and watching it slip by. I can't even explain it anymore! I also saw my med doctor the other night and she also said thats the old danielle well could you fucking explain this to me?? I really wish I never met this girl because then none of this would've happened!! Stupid me... and of course I get so many messages from guys on myspace and not one girl!!! Thats always the way... guys are stupdi gross horny losers! I don't want to be alone forever and no one can predict if I am going to be but i swear if I end up 30 and all alone I rather be dead! Whats the point in living like that? whats teh point in living all by yourself having no one to go home to, no one ot hold, or kiss or love! What's the fucking point???