I Came To The Conclusion!

that if your fat and ugly like me then 10 times out of 10 you'll be alone till the day you die! and then add in the fact that your a lesbian and were you live has little to know girls!!! I'm so fucking sick of being alone... I'm so fuckign sick of having no one ti love me and having no one to love. As each day goes by I get more and more depressed about it! I've had it, I've had it with living like this. I wish I could fast forward time and see if its going to be like this forever bc then I would see if its even fucking worth living anymore. I cant' live like this anymore and I can't stand the fact that my mom has to keep telling me that I'm alone and that my sister was married at my age and almost pregnant! HELLO MOM I KNOW! UGH *sigh* Fuck all the fucking skinny,pretty girls its not fucking fair! I cant' even bare to look in the fucking mirror anymore. Even if I lost weight I'd still be ugly! UGh just UGH!
Artist- Paint Smile

Lesbian Drama... SUCKS

Ok well sitting in class yesterday my friend texted me telling me that the chick that I really liked hooked up with this ugly girl Wendy. Well, that made me feel sick but the thing that made me feel even worse was Wendy's Ex-gf who she dated for years has AIDS and also gave her ex gf AIDS. So I told this chick, I wrote her a myspace message. She said it was a one time thing and she did it because she was lonely ect.. well I'm lonely to but I would never stoop to that level EVER! It makes me sad because well I dont know. I know we'll never be more then friend's ever again, even though we go to the same college but its over and done with. I was a mistake as she put it so whatever. You live and learn and move on..

On another note I don't really know, I'm just taking it day by day and all the days roll into one. I feel sick but I never go to the doctor. Blah. I just needed to vent. I lay in bed at night when I'm trying to fall asleep and I map out so many entries in here that I want to talk about and then when I finally do sit down and write I go blank. *sigh* There's no one online to talk to hench it's almost 2:40am and a school/work night but I just feel so alone. I'm not tired I woke up at 5:30pm today my sleep cycle is worse then ever and I cant' seem to do anything about it. I know its taking a big toll on my health but no matter what I do nothing works!
Evanescence

The L Word... & Rambling

Well I just did my side bar just used mostly things from my myspace easier and saved time :) I might change it but for now it'll do. The next step is my profile area but one step at a time. I finally been watching the L Word season 3 i've been actually staying up till around 6:30am watching it! I'm almost done I have 5 more ep. to go! But I'm not watching it tonight after I write this then off to bed since its already 4:30am again! I swear having insomina sucks! It's so unhealthy and I've tried everything I just can't seem to change my sleep clock :( I don't have showtime so I looked on you tube for the L Word season 4 and I found the first 2 ep I'm so excited but I have to first finsh season 3 lol but now I know i have that to look forward to. I kind of know what happens from my friends though! They change actress to fast for my liking but I'm just grateful Helena and Shane are still on they are my fav :) After them comes Carmen and Alice. Ok enough about the L word lol First week down at grad school its a lot like under grad your just taking classes in your area. I really miss my old college alot its so different. And like I siad in my other post every one knows each other and I feel very left out but hopefully i'll make friends. THey are very clicky! But right now I'm just focusing on passing as you can't get anything lower then a B in every class! I'm nervouse for that. My class I have on Monday's there's no tests just papers and if you dont like your grade you can redo them. My Group class seems' fun and kind of easy its alot like group dynamics which I had in undergrad and I'm taking Abnormal again they just use a fancy name for it. This is honestly my 4th time taking it! Once at my first college and since they didnt transfer it I took it again at my other college but I droped out the first time I took it but it was almost half way into the semester and then I took again last summer and now again! But I dont mind because its my favorite psyc class I love the abnormal area being I'm abnormal lmao. i haven't spoken to my therapist in almost 2 weeks i'm not happy about that. I finally see my med doc on saturday so thats good not like she's gonna change anything lol. I'm suppose to meet a girl Saturday that my friend is setting me up with but i'm not sure its 100% yet didnt talk to her tonight. So we'll see what happens. :) I'm nervouse but excited as i'm ready for a relationship as its been forever and a day and watching the L word that will do it to you lol seeing all those hot girls it drives a lesbian nuts haha. Feel free to friend me on myspace if you want! THe link is my website! Today was one of those days were everything goes wrong lol. I woke up late for class didnt hear my alarm and then I had to speed there in the traffic I swear no one knows how to drive. I"m not liking this drive but i have no choice. I finally get to class and I have dance Thursday nights at 8:30 well he let us out late great! I then had to run to the book store and made sure I had enough money for them, I didn't get one of them but I had to get them tonight since I'm not there again til Monday and I have hw to do. It was then 8:40pm when I left teh college and I knew I was low on gas but I said ah I'll worry about it after dance, well on my way there almost there my gas light goes on and I get very nervouse as my gas tank is very small. So I got ouff at the first exit and I didnt know were I was. I couldn't find any to be found I drove around there for about 5 minutes and then got back onto the highway. Well I then got off the next exit and I finally found a gas station but I first drove up it was out of order, then the next one was diesel so i drove around to the other side and i was walking to pay when I saw it had no handle to pump the gas I was so mad lol I was still trying to make dance at this point, but I soon gave up. I finally got my gas and then I got lost again trying to get onto the highway and I ended up near Pilgrim state in the pitch darkness lol. It was a very eventful night you may say but I was so happy to finally be home. The next stress is meeting with the finical aid people to get money for school. I need to see other options as I found out the college is alot of money! I knew it was going to be Hofstra the other college I could've went to is even more. But, thats life! 

I suppose thats it for tonight i'm gonna go try and get some sleep. I have alot of reading to do this weekend. And now that my hands are about to break off i'm saying good night!

<3 Danielle

NEW LAYOUT! and Update!

Ok I've spent the last week or so trying to find a perfect layout. I came across this one that I have now and it wasn't working right code wise. So I just spent the last 2 hours recoding alot of it! I'm very proud of myself because HTML isn't always easy :)  I love this layout and after all these hours I'm going to be using it for a while I hope lol I just gotta finsh the side area about me section ect... but for now its almost 4:35am and I have class tomorrow thankfully at night. But My sleep cycle is still all  messed up as you can see :( I've tried every sleep med on the market and nothing works! I dont know what I'm going to do. I've tried everything. 

Nothing really knew with me, I got offered a job at my college in the art therapy office for $10.00 an hour as a Teachers Ass. for the Art Therapy professors of course lol I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to take it because after 9 months of working they would reduce or take away my SSI/SSD payments and I need them mostly because I have Medicade and they would take that way and then I wouldn't have coverage for my meds. So I do not know what I'm going to do. I have to decide by Thursday though as I'm suppose to be there THursday morning at 10am that means I would have to leave my house by 9. School is about 40 miles away from my house which is about 45 minutes to an hour. I miss my old college alot I was spoiled there every professor knew me and loved me I knew the school backwards and forwards. But everything has to come to an end and a new door must open (cough my layout).  Its rough because everyone know's each other as I'm starting in mid-year. But, I'll make friends I'm sure :) I'm nervouse and excited about this semester. The class I had Monday seem's easy but who know's he only gives papers as test's there 3 of them which is good! I have two more to go to, so we'll see what happens.

On another note, my friends are trying to find me a girl lol since I"m not doing so good at it myself :) I've made alot of personal's on many dating sites but not really any luck. Three people emailed me on math.com but since I don't have a full membership I can't read them and  dont have 20.00 a month to pay for it! Who know's it could be from gross guys lol I get alot of them on myspace leaving me messages and I alway's respond with hello I'm gay! Speaking of guy's my mom keeps saying to go back to them since I've been single for almost a year. No mom I rather be alone then with a guy, yes I don't want to be alone forever and yes that is my biggest fear right now, but I will not stoop to guys no way. *yawn* 

Well since its almost 5am now I should be going to sleep but I just wanted to give a small update on me, my life and all that jazz. Nothing to fun right now but hopefully it'll get better. I'm still dancing and I student teach saturday mornings I love it! Enough rambling for now... 

I do hope to reconect with people on this site as myspace has really taken up alot of my time and online games ect... :) But i've had LJ for ever and I dont want to leave just yet :) So I hope to meet new people and catch up with the ones that I already made!

Art- Paint

My 2007 Spring Semester Schedule

Monday 5:00-8:00pm~ ARTH 605 History/Philosphy of Art Therapy

Tuesday~ No School

Wednesday 5:30-8:30pm~ ARTH 607 Clincial Techs in Group Art Therapy

Thursday 5:30-8:10pm~ PSY 655 Psychopathology

Friday~ Off

Credits= 9

They won't let a new Graduate student take more then 9 credits their first semester :)

What I got For Xmas!

Here's the list of what I got for Christmas..

From My Mom...

1. 19' Flat Screen Computer Monitor

2. New Digital Camera

3. Crossfade CD

4. Flyleaf CD

5. The new Christina A CD

6. The Sims 2 Pet's Computer Game

7. The Sims 2 Pets game for Gamecube

8. Disney Princess Gameboy Advanced Game

9. Disney Party Gameboy Advanced Game

10. Disney Princess Blanket

11. Snow White PJ Set

12. Shirt from Old Navy

13. PJ Paints from Old Navy

14. Step Up DVD

15. Butterfly Poster

16. Disney Princess Chapstick

17. New Earphones for my Ipod Nano

18. Mickey Mouse PJ's from the Disney Store

19. Hannah Montana DVD

From My Sister and Brother-in-law...

1. a 700 Piece art Set with everything under the sun

From My dad...

1. A check for $75.00

2. His old Laptop that needs to be updated a Sony Vaio but this is also for my College graduation
Art- Paint

My Fall Semester Grades... got a 3.94!!!

DeptCourseTitleGradeAttemptEarnedQPGPA
20ARTIS/VariousMediaA3.003.0012.0000 
20ARTPainting IIA3.003.0012.0000 
20ARTDrawing IIA3.003.0012.0000 
20ARTDesign WorkshopA-3.003.0011.1000 
20ARTLab for ART 267X.00.00.0000 
20PSYAdv. ResearchA3.003.0012.0000 
   Term:15.0015.0059.10003.9400
   Career:130.00130.00225.60003.4181
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic
Art- Paint

I got accepeted into the C.W. post Clinical Art Therapy grad program

Well, today when I was driving to my class the school that I applied to called my cell phone. I didn't hear it stupid me but they left me a message telling me that I got accepted into the Clinical Art Therapy program! I get to start in January... I'm so very excited! This is definitely a great Christmas gift for me :)

But of course nothing can ever go good for more then 5 minutes in my life... something always has to come along the way and ruin things!!! I got a summons tonight for a car accident that happened in 2004... long story don't want to go into it so now I have to fucking worry about that! It just never ends.. But I'm trying not to let it damper my good news to much...
  • Current Music
    Christams Songs

A.L.O.N.E

Since I cought ljsecret submison post I just made three sitting here because I'm feeling so ALONE, angry, fed up and just want to dissappear. This lonliness is really killing me more and more each day. I'm 23 this is the prime of my life and its wasting away as each day passes by. I'm so fed up with hearing people tell me I should go for guys fuck that! I rather be alone then be with a piece of crap guy no thank you... It wouldn't be so bad if I actually had friends but that isn't happening :( *sigh* I swear... I feel like I just wrote this entry. Its just not getting any better its getting worse! I try not to let it bother me but I end up sleeping my days away or sitting online. Thankfully I had a ton of drawings and paintings to do along with my thesis ect... but still in between those times... *shakes head* blah well anyways I figured I'd share my three stupid secrets with you! they are def nothing special and thrown together in 2.5 seconds literally! 
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I guess thats it for tonight...
  • Current Mood
    discontent A.L.O.N.E