The Open Door to the Next Stage of My Life (_evanescence_) wrote,
The Open Door to the Next Stage of My Life
_evanescence_

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I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION...

That 

1. I'm not fully depressed/suicidal until I cry! I NEVER cry and tonight I cried! I cried so hard I cuoldn't breath. and doing this while driving was not a GOOD idea! I couldn't see everything was a blur but I got home in one piece... It did take every ounce of me not to crash into a tree or drive off a birdge. Ya really emo but fuck I dont care i'm in a emo mood and everyone is allowed to be in a emo mood. I'm sick of people passing judgments just because I want to cry and feel depressed! They can pass judgment after they walk in my shoes but until then fuck them!

2. I can't watch Lesbian based story movies when I'm single... Tonight my friend D, her gf and I rented 2 movies. THe first one was Loving Annabelle well wrong choice on my part as I picked it! Not knowing I was going to turn all "emo" as the slightest thought of the movie makes tears whell in my eyes. I'm so sick of it, I'm sick of feeling like this. I"m sick of being so alone and so unwanted I can't take it anymore. It doesn't help when your friend and her gf are cuddling next to you. I can't take this anymore! I'm not watching any more Lesbian movies when I'm single I can't handle it. I'm going to be 24 and I can't fucking handle watching a movie how abnormal!!! But, its better then feeling like this! It just triggered way to much and I couldn't handle it. I also couldn't cry in front of them it wasnt' even that sad of a movie but I couldn't take it. After we watched Little Miss Sunshine which helped for the time being. They both fell asleep as soon as the movie ended I left and I cried the whole way home and now here I am feeling sorry for myself. I feel sick! 

3. no one wants me... 

4. as each year goes by things just get worse instead of better! I'm going to be 24 in 20 days and this year has sucked! 

I suppose thats it... wouldn't this be funny if this was a suicide letter lol ya not funny but hey whatever.
Tags: alone, crying, lesbian, lesbian movie, life, life sucks, loving annabelle, sad
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