I am thinking of phoning The Samaritans. I am at the end of my wits and if anyone makes any jokes about me not having any wits in the first place, I will kill them.
I hate opheliablue with a passion. I wish to tie her to a bed, a door, a lamp-post, whatEVER! and leave her there naked so that people can laugh at her.
I took an invisible pill and accompanied her to the doctor this morning, thinking she may need my help. I am ever so helpful. I was also hoping to have several opportunities to speak to people about my election campaign and persuade them to vote for me. I have invented a button that I press that makes me visible for a time, then makes me invisible again when I press it a second time.
I only realised once we were on our way that the batteries in my contraption have run out - this is purely down to the fact the opheliablue has been using them in her vibrator and for some reason she has been using it more than usual lately. I believe she has a secret stash of batteries somewhere in her bedroom but I have not been able to find them so far. Judging by the amount of moaning and filthy language coming from her bedroom of late, I can only conclude that she has been spending rather a lot of her time masturbating - yes, you - I have heard your name 'mentioned' rather a lot and I do not like to even begin to imagine the kind of scenarios she is going through in her head. Well, ok, I have thought about it a bit, but I am finding it rather depressing and I am experiencing feelings of loneliness.
Anyway, this meant that I was invisible all the time. I thought I may as well have some fun going in to her dr's appointment with her. It was not fun. Apparently her doctor is starting a website up, mainly centred around health issues - but he would very much like to look at any issues that can possibly impact on health. He appears to take Ophelia's views seriously, fuck knows why. He began talking to her about it and she began going on about women, mental health and writing, as one example - like Virginia Woolf, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, etc. - and the idea at one time that women who were creative were probably 'mad' in some way and it was not seen as something that surprising if their life ended in suicide. Then she talked Anne Sexton more and that in fact in her case, it was her therapist who encouraged her to write poetry - thinking (rightly so) that it would help her and it would help her to know she was writing things that helped others. Ophelia rambled a bit about this. The doctor - I was waiting for him to yawn - to my horror, seemed very interested. He said he would like Ophelia to write an article about this and put her 'Pretty Prozac Pearls' poem at the bottom. He will be partly in charge of the website and so he has given her his email address and she is going to write this and send it to him. He says he will definitely be putting it in there. She will be listed as a fucking contributor to this website. He also said he would like to put up a picture and bio of her, rather like on the Forward Press website - and put a link to the Forward Press website, as this will be good publicity all round.
They both got very enthusiastic talking about this, so much so that she nearly left without her prescription for her valium - hahaha.
I kept trying to speak and tell him that he is making a mistake! He should be speaking to me!! But I couldn't become visible :( I also notice that she has hidden the email address from me.
On top of this, she is now getting engaged and married, I hear. I hear, I say - what I mean is, I do not hear much else at the moment.
*bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!! *bounce* SQUUEE *fuck* WTF?!!
I do not like to admit this, but I have long had a secret love for LJ USER = CHAD_HORVATH. How dare LJ USER = OPHELIABLUE steal him from me like this??
I hate her. She is getting engaged today, her writing 'career' is coming along in leaps and bounds, she is excited about moving to another country. I suppose I should be happy for her, but I AM NOT. I can't help it, I am too jealous.
When we got home, I noticed that she had bought an apple danish pastry - I knew she was just about to cut it in half so we could have one each and I was about to throw my arms round her, forgive her and kiss her passionately on the lips, when suddenly she said "Oh...EmD, you're still here. I thought you'd be gone by now otherwise I would've got one of these for you. Oh well."
She then proceeded to STUFF the whole thing in her mouth without even taking a moment to chew it. She is disgusting. I hoped she would choke on it, but no such luck.
I just tried to phone the Samaritans but she told me to get off the phone. I'm going out to get wasted and have cheap meaningless sex with the first 10 men and woman I see.