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Sunday, September 18th, 2005

Subject:new username
Time:12:56 pm.
New Journalganstaforchrist

Yeah this one was pretty boring and the next probably will be too but I added everyone i wanted to keep. Take care!
you don't know my name

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005

Subject:friend in deep depression
Time:4:04 pm.
Have you ever felt like you were right in the middle of some horrible cheesy dramatic movie? Yeah that's what i feel like at the moment. I promise this Pride and Prejudice except the girls here are the guys. I am content with the way everything is now relationship wise. I realize I still have feelings for someone and if that changes for the better or for the worse I am prepared either way. I just wish others around here could have that same kind of peace. I feel really bad for a friend right now at this moment (I would never wish death upon anyone's family and I continue to pray for them everyday) but I think some people here are taking this a little too hard. It breaks my heart to see someone else in pain but at the same time I have not let my friend's tragedy turn into my own depression (how are you going to comfort someone if you weaker than they are?) like someone particularly has. And i feel bad for writing this because I feel like I am talking behind their back but I don't want them to continue their downward spiral that they are going into right now. If you feel that much emotion, dedication, and "love" or whatever it might be for one person please tell them. Maybe this person will get better when the other one gets back I don't know but I really do think someone needs to reach this individual possibly even seek some professional help. I don't know exactly if its my place to say something to them or ask someone else to talk to them. Perhaps this is completely wrong to even post this but I just don't know if I should say something or not.
2 names| you don't know my name

Monday, August 29th, 2005

Subject:dance fever
Time:8:58 pm.
I went to Swing Dance Club tonight and I was horrible but I had fun. :)
2 names| you don't know my name

Sunday, July 31st, 2005

Subject:too selfish?
Time:2:11 pm.
Mood: tired.
Its been a while since I wrote in here. I am rather lonely. I don't know what it is but I've just been in a weird mood lately. Friday night just out of nowhere I just felt really alone and sad so I started crying. Its hard to explain and it kind of shocked me. I haven't cried like that in forever and I hate crying and being all emotional like that so I feel really awkward. When I'm here I feel really unconnected and distant from people. I have chances and opportunities to go out places with friends and other people but I don't. And the friends I really do want to hang out with are always busy or locked up like a caged animal. ( I say we all go and kidnap Diana! Save her from her parents cause she's well over the age of a grown woman.) I guess maybe all this started because I couldn't go on that trip to Nashville since my dad was in the hospital. It already kind of sucked I wasn't gonna get to go on my road trip i had been planning but then i couldn't even get away for a couple of days. And I feel guilty for feeling that way because my dad was feeling horrible and sick and all I wanted to do was go to some stupid little concert.
Maybe I'm too selfish. I don't know.
2 names| you don't know my name

Friday, June 24th, 2005

Time:2:20 pm.
Mood: weird.
Something is seriously wrong when I get asked out by two different people in the course of one week. And the funny thing is I could care less. I'm beyond a lot of things at this point. I miss school. I miss being clueless.
you don't know my name

Monday, May 23rd, 2005

Subject:moving away
Time:12:44 pm.
I've decided that I no longer want to live in Memphis anymore. There's really nothing here for me just a few friends and a bunch of old memories of the way things used to be. I mean I'll miss everyone here but I honestly believe that if don't leave this place I'll never fully be the person I want to be, an adult. I've been trying too hard to live up to others expectations and do what my parents want this whole year and none of those things have worked out for me at all. I am old enough now to make my own decisons and if I do make a mistake I can learn from it and move on. They know I am such a good kid and I was raised right so I have no clue why they are so worried about me being out on my own. Besides I'll be in Murfreesboro the next two summers for school anyways. I've got to take four classes for my counseling certification, now a language for two semesters if I want to get the full paid social work scholarship not to mention the extra classes for organizational communication. I'm starting to wonder if this might be too much for me to handle. I don't know. None of this is written in stone but I definitely won't be back home next year. I am bored so i guess I go.
4 names| you don't know my name

Wednesday, May 18th, 2005

Subject:new job
Time:10:40 am.
Mood: good.
I finally got a job now! I start working at Putt Putt on Thursday. Go me!
4 names| you don't know my name

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2005

Time:8:58 am.
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

(questions from jenny b)

1.) In what way would you say that you've changed the most since you've been in Murfreesboro? I think I am a whole lot more spiritual. The past year was really rough for me before I came to MTSU and I truly believe I was saved again. I had a lot of built up resentment towards so many people mostly my family and so much regret. It got to be too much too handle and finally I just broke down, let everything go and apoligized. I think I also had a huge problem with hyprocrisy within the church so I stopped going. I didn't think I'd ever met any spiritual minded Christians my age and I did when I came here which is so awesome. I've really been blessed with great friends and they are always looking out for me.

2.) Do you believe that the United States has an obligation to help those less fortunate abroad? Or should our primary concern be our own citizens? I really feel like we should focus on our own country first. We have a lot of problems here and they need to addressed before we go over and help others. At the same time I think we should still try to help other countries maybe not with money perhaps with food and clothing drives.

3.) What do you regret most? Probably not being able to tell people how much I care about them. I've always kind of hidden my feelings around everyone I know. Most of my regret usually comes back to that.

4.) Do you prefer peppermint or spearmint? Peppermint all the way!

5.) If you knew a devastating earthquake would hit and kill everyone (yeah, I had to add that), what would do beforehand? Warn everyone of course! Anyway that I could.
4 names| you don't know my name

Subject:ska fest
Time:7:11 am.
Ska Fest in Knoxville was so much fun! It was in the Old City and before it started me, Hannah, Andy, Ryan, Jimmy and Katy ate at Barley's and got pizza. Mostly all the bands sounded the same because of course it ska but I really liked Go Jimmy Go. There was another band that was pretty good and they did all these dance moves like a boy band which was hilarious but I forgot their name. I moshed like twice and skanked mostly with Hannah (somewhat badly) and towards the the end we both power skank/skanked with Ryan. It was good times. I'm so glad I went. I love road trips especially with friends :)

I can't belive I'll be leaving this place in less than a week. I haven't even started to pack yet. I got two more finals to go. Pray for me!

1 name| you don't know my name

Tuesday, April 26th, 2005

Subject:turning the other cheek
Time:12:41 am.
Mood: cold.
I am very happy I have some great friends up here at school. I am more sad that I have people who I am friends with simply because its the Christian thing too. Don't get me wrong I love them all and i hope they will change for the better not just because they are hurting people but for their own good. I am just tired of talking to them and fed up always being the one doing the right thing. Its frustrating because I really do care about people (otherwise I would not be going into a profession like social work) and it seems as if this person could care less about me what so ever. Its honestly okay though because I know this is just temporary. I know that I am doing the right thing by "turning the other cheek" and keeping the drama out of our group but I slowly feel as if I am drifting back to the old Ebony, the one afraid to step up to people and not let them push me around. I am worth so much more than that.

On that note I am going to Ska Fest with Jimmy, Ryan, Andy, Katie, and Hannah this weekend. I am so excited! Its my first road trip to Knoxville and I'm so ready to get out of this place even just for one day. It'll keep my mind off of things and give me more stuff to write about which is always good. And i get to dance. Any time I get to bust a move is awesome :) I will make sure to take lots of pictures.

I can't believe next week I am coming home. Its been a great ride this past year. I'm sad to see it end so quickly.

4 names| you don't know my name

Thursday, April 14th, 2005

Time:3:58 pm.
Mood: silly.
Josh would kill me for this but I had to put it up!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
4 names| you don't know my name

Tuesday, April 12th, 2005

Subject:i hate them
Time:8:22 am.
Mood: awake.
I came to the conclusion about an hour ago that I hate all the clothes I wear. Sure they are comfy and worn in which I love but I really don't like anything I have at all. They were okay last year but we all know I am a completely different person from who I was a year ago. My clothes look like those matching outfits moms buy for themselves and their child to wear to a mother and daughter day event at church. That's the thing though, I don't have a kid. I guess I am forgiven though cause I'm just a poor little college girl and don't have any money to buy anymore until school is over. Not having a job sucks. I hate having to ask my parents for everything and giving a full well rounded explanation of every single thing I buy. They don't have anything better to do than to study my billing statement for my checking account. No I do not know what I bought on March 14 for $9.82 at Wal-Mart. Can't wait until this summer. I'm getting my guitar. I'm going to some shows (maybe Warped Tour) plus my road trip is gonna rock. I'm dropping my "single" perhaps a future song for Project Mayhem for my adoring fans in the Boro' on my birthday. And I'm moving off campus hopefully :) I'm almost 19 its time for me to get out and do some things I've been wanting to do for a while.

I get to register for fall classes today. yay. Its a day dreaded by all MTSU students.
1 name| you don't know my name

Thursday, April 7th, 2005

Subject:matters of the heart
Time:9:42 am.
It is hard to tell people especially people you consider friends when they are hurting you. What makes things worse is when matters of the heart are involved and you can't change the way you feel even for yourself. I believe things will work out. Soon i hope.
4 names| you don't know my name

Sunday, March 27th, 2005

Subject:hit upside the head. jars of clay, blah blah blah
Time:10:32 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
This weekend was loads of fun :)

Friday- Me, Hannah, Katie, and Ryan go to Nate's property. I fell on my butt 8 times got scared of really steep hills and almost cried. Hannah got hit in the head by Nate at the bottom of a waterfall with a stick and injured her hand once again.

Saturday- Me, Hannah, and Ryan run around town. We took care of his flat tire, got my hair bleach, groceries and ate at Sonic all within 4 hours. Gabriel some new guy from Chile is trying to pick up Hannah but being the angelic creature she is, she doesn't catch on. I read awful poetry. Find out Austin can sing. Thomas is a brillant writer. Watch Donnie Darko in Gabe's room with everyone and three black goofy gay guys.

Sunday- Ignore phone calls from certain people. I don't like clingy people and I am too nice to tell people to leave me alone. Went to Easter service at Murphy Center with Nate, Ryan, Gabe and Hannah. Jars of Clay performed which was awesome. Great service. Started reading Lady In Waiting a fabolous christian book about dating. Had another shindig at Matt's. Jacqueline makes wonderful lasagna but yells at everyone. (I still love her anyways.) My spice cake turned out pretty good too.

Right now? Didn't say what I really wanted to say to someone. And yeah I know my life is boring but I like it :)
7 names| you don't know my name

Wednesday, March 16th, 2005

Time:4:25 pm.
I'm thinking of changing my major from social work to organizational communication with a minor in buisness communication or office management. problem is i don't want to be a stuffy suit all day long :(
4 names| you don't know my name

Tuesday, March 15th, 2005

Subject:la la la la
Time:3:26 pm.
Mood: calm.
I haven't had much to write about lately I have been mostly thinking. I've been feeling so cheerful in a lot of ways but confused. Confused about certain friends intentions and wheter or not I should stay. I like it here at MTSU I'm just tired of being in school. I have been in school for most of my life and I really wanted to take some time off but my parents really stopped me from doing that. Maybe its the fact I've haven't done a lot of things that I have wanted to do for a while now and I can't do them beause this is holding me back. (This summer that is going to change. I'm taking a road trip across Tennessee and possibly even making a short skit type show or play along the way.)To top it off I'm not sure social work is for me anymore as well. This semester, no this whole time since I have been back has been confusing. I am afraid to say things to certain people that I care for. Its no sense in dragging things on forever.

Speaking of that I need to tell my parents about church here in Murfreesboro. I know that doesn't seem like something of a big deal but it will be to my mother. She is a Jehovah's Witness and my father is not really religious but his family is mostly Catholic/Methodist so when they hear I am going to a baptist church they will freak. All I know is that I'm Christian. I'm not perfect and I'm not Miss Super Christian or super holy but I feel good when I go there and learn about God. I think that is the most important thing.

I need to do something productive. :):):)
2 names| you don't know my name

Friday, March 11th, 2005

Time:12:31 pm.
I hope Diana is okay. I know she is :)
1 name| you don't know my name

Thursday, March 3rd, 2005

Subject:middle class jasper show
Time:3:38 pm.
So who wants to come with me to see Middle Class Jasper(they are really cool!)in Memphis?
you don't know my name

Tuesday, March 1st, 2005

Time:9:58 pm.
I don't really want to be here right now. I feel so invisible. I feel so annoyingly sensitive. I just want to sleep in my own bed in my own house and not think about anything.
4 names| you don't know my name

Subject:songs about boys, new band
Time:7:32 am.
Mood: tired.
Since I am already up and tired from working out this morning (yes I, Ebony worked out!) I thought I'd write something in here. Not much is going on with me. Same old same old. And as much as I don't want to talk about someone because its the cliche thing to do on LJ I am going to anyway. Last night me, Katie, and her friend went to Open Mic at the KUC. They were maybe like 7 people max there but the guy playing was pretty good. I had seen him play before but this one song of his "Trying My Best" was awesome. It described absolutely everything I am going through exactly. So much so that it was freaky. Its like you care for someone a lot but you don't want to scare them away, be too clingy, or lose their friendship but at the same you want to tell them so badly how you feel. In the song its like he wrote the girl a poem and a song but she didn't realize it was for her. I'm not too worried about it anymore. Things will work out for the best hopefully.

I'm coming home Saturday. I can't wait! I'll probably be bored out of my mind by Wednesday but we all must hang out my fellow Memphians. I'm gonna start looking for a guitar soon. I have a little money to spend on it. Hopefully I can get a brand new one and make payments on it. For those of you who don't know I am already in a band called Project Mayhem. I think that might already be an actual group but we have a backup name. We are not officially playing yet cause I don't have a guitar yet nor do I know how to play but I am taking lessons this summer. So far its Hannah on lead vocals, me on guitar and backup vocals, Katie on guitar/bass, and Sarah on Keyboards. Jacqueline as hype girl and "small" percussion. We are still waiting on her response to be in the band. lol. we already have some songs and ideas so its gonna be great.

It snowed here last night and then stopped. It was so beautiful and lovely though while it lasted.
5 names| you don't know my name

LiveJournal for _ebbie.

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