Biggest dork in the world...?

Yea that would be me as a kid.

I have changed soo much. I still consider myself inherently the same, but it would be impossible for me to be so open or careless now. I've just read a bunch of my old writing, and I can't help but notice how different I've become. I have spent so much of my energy on being trained, on learning, and on being transformed into a successful individual. Maybe some of my individuality has been slightly eroded. I can't help but wonder what I have lost in my desire to achieve. How much is simply maturing, and how much is of a more conscience decision? I believe in the old sentiment "How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone", but how far does that go? Do we lose pieces of ourself when we try to become someone as well?

Sorry for this philosophical crap. I have had nothing to do today but think, and it has started me thinking intently.

On a different note: I forgot to mention that I will be attending President Obama's inauguration in D.C. on January 20th! I raised $2600, and will be going with my AP Government group for a week to learn about politics from Jan 17th-23rd. Juiced? You bet.

  • Current Music
    "Claire de Lune" -Debussy

Last updated 143 weeks ago...

Well, I guess that whole keeping people updated thing didn't last very long. lol And re-reading my past entries, I seriously don't know how you people put up with me. Seriously.  If even my writing is annoying, how  bad could I have been in person? How come no one told me about that? Jeeze, as Rodion Romanovitch Raskolnikov would say, "loving, over-partial hearts!".

Speaking of which, I am reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, and what a pychological mind-trip! I have to analyze this main character, Rodya, who is going mentally insane. He murdered some people, and now he is going mad. I feel like I need some sunshine, a puppy, and a therapy session after every reading. has changed a lot for me. Some of you know, some of you don't (does anyone even read this crap???), haha but I guess I can summarize some of it. Mi familia moved to Indiana, but I've stayed in California because I couldn't be parted from all you lovely people. Well actually, I couldn't be parted from my music program, but you were all a factor! In my heart at least. I've had the fortune to become friends with my number one idol, Frederica Von Stade, and she set me up to live with her best friend, Jackie Cloren, in Alameda. Which brings me to now! See, I told you it would be summarized. Oh ye of little faith. (yea, I also just got done reading The Bible. damn you, AP English!)

College stuff: I've applied to pretty much all music conservatories (in case you didn't know, that's my thing right now lol), and I'm hoping for a full scholarship! Although I do know that is a lot to hope for. My list so far in no particular order: Oberlin, San Francisco Conservatory, Manhattan School of Music, Juilliard, Curtis Institute of Music, College-Conservatory of Cincinnati, University of Michigan, Northwestern University, and SF State (safe school). There may be more, but I can't remember off the top of my head. So far, my prescreening audition tape has been accepted at SF Conservatory, Manhattan School of Music, and College-Conservatory of Cincinnati, so I've been invited for live auditions.

What other news is there? SAT score=2100 (yea I know, I could have done better. But fuck it, I'm going to a music school haha) ACT score=30, SAT subject (English)= 690, SAT subject (US History)= 700, AP Exam (English)= 5, AP Exam (US History)= 5, GPA= (academic) 4.01, (total) 3.84...

uh yea. Oh, and if anyone is interested in seeing me perform:
YMP Student Recital: January 25th, 2pm sharp, (I'll only be singing like, one or two songs, but it's FREE. lol sorry, no punch or cookies)
YMP Senior Recital: Sometime in May. The 17th maybe? I'll get back to you on that one (again: FREE)
Pocket Opera Company (San Francisco): La Belle Helene: Feb 21st 2pm (Julia Morgan Theatre), March 1st 2pm (Legion of Honor [wherever the hell that is...?]), March 8th 2pm (Legion of Honor), March 15th 2pm (Napa Valley Opera House)---WARNING: it costs money!

Ticket Prices:

$34 (in advance), $37 (at the door) General Admission
$31 (in advance), $34 (at the door) Seniors
$20 (under 18) Youth
$20 Student Rush (30 minutes prior to curtain time)

Ok, I'm being called downstairs to watch the Nutcracker, and this is already absurdly long, so...
  • Current Music
    "Black Coffee" -Peggy Lee
Our Kitties

(no subject)

So I feel MUCH better now! YAY! Back to my chipper self. Thanks everyone for the help! It really...helped? Umm. yeah! ^^ I looked at all my old livejournal entries and was like "Wow, I was really annoying!" Heh. And I haven't changed a bit! Thankfully, my writing has calmed down some. Not so hyper.


Ugh. I have a YMP recital April 8th. Suck! Oh well. Well, I don't really have anything else to say, soo...I'm gonna go eat some ice-cream. Who screams for ice-cream? I SCREAM FOR ICE-CREAM! ^_______^"
  • Current Music
    "Sometime" -Sweet Honey in the Rock

Warning: High Levels of Stress and Anxiety

Life really sucks right now. It seems impossible for me to do anything right. I can't even remember the last time I felt good about something. I'm failing at school, YMP, and Seussical. Wow, and now I sound emo. Too bad, I feel shitty. UUUUGGGHHHHH! Anyone have a suggestion to help me cheer up? Right now I want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

I just wish I was proud of something, but everything I do lately is one failure after another. And the worst part are all the disappointed looks I get. I feel every one like a stab at my heart. I know I'm screwing up! Believe me! I probably beat myself up more than you ever could. The guilt is killing me. Please! I need help getting back on track. It's mainly the attendance problem. My well of motivation and energy has dried up.

I'm sorry. This will probably come across as emo. But really, I just need help. Any suggestions would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks.
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    "Soliloquy" -Carousel


Wow, crazy! This is actually Kendra. So I decided to maybe start this up again. No promises, but it might happen every now and then.

Hmm...lets see. Life is pretty good. Seussical rehearsals are pure death though. OPENING NIGHT IS APRIL 21ST! Ask me for other performance times cause I'm too lazy to list them all right now.

Yep yep. Not really much to say. I have a project that I should be doing right now, so I think I'll get to that.
  • Current Music
    "Princess Bride" -Cloud Cult

(no subject)

First post as Sandra filling in for Kendra. Here goes...

So last night, Sandra, Rob, Mecha (Rob's girlfriend), Erin, and I went to Fremont to see Kelsey and go to a Potter party. I wasn't going to get a copy because I didn't think I would have enough, and then when we got there I saw that they were only $18 and I realized that I would've had enough if I hadn't spent any money at 7-11 earlier. But Sandra gave me $7 and John gave me $2 to cover tax, and I got my wristband and then waited. I was number 266 of the unreserved, so we had to wait till around 1:30 AM. We finally got it, and then spent a little more time hanging out with Kelsey before we went home. Sandra made me let her read the first chapter in exchange for the money she gave me.

Other than that, it's been school, school, school. Every morning, I get up for school at around 6:30 AM, and most days I don't get home till after 7:00 PM.

Oh, but I had a recital yesterday, and I performed Memory and (Some Italian song which Sandra can't possibly remember the title to, much less know how to spell it). It went really well. I'm too humble to brag, so Sandra has been going around telling everyone how I got a standing ovation AND a second bow.

I'm glad there's been some good stuff these past couple days, because there's been some family trouble and it's been hard. I don't know how much I want to go into here, but there's been lots of tears, and my friends are feeling pretty helpless (or worthless?) because they can't do anything to make it better.

That's pretty much everything for now! Yay for more frequent updates! Even if they aren't written by me...

(no subject)


It's also 4:00am right now and I've only slept 6 hours in the past 3 days. BUT THAT'S OKAY!

In case anyone wanted to get me a gift, NOT THAT YOU HAVE TO!!!, I have a list of awesome things.

Kendra's List:::::

1. Neat green stuff

5. Celtic jewelery/stuff. Anything celtic you think I might like.

3. Gift cards to clothes spots. (Urban Outfitters, Forever 21, WHATEVER!!)

8. Really good books.

1. The usual stuff: LOTR!!, HP, more whatever.

4. Gift cards for spots with good Thai/Vietnamese/Japanese food/drink.

YEAH!!! Let's hear it one more time for being 14!!!
And again for going to school on no sleep!!! W00T!!
  • Current Music
    Bohemian Rap -Queen-

Oh Romeo, Romeo...where art thou for Romeo?

First Romeo and Juliet play was today. We totally botched it. (I'm Juliet by the way. YAY!!) Romeo forgot two of his lines so I had cover it up. Plus he forgot his sword for the fight scene, and forgot the poison and dagger for the death scene, (I had to compensate by killing myself with his sword). Then I missed my cue to go on stage, and there was a 10sec pause.

Oh well. Almost all first performances are awful. Hopefully the next one will be better.

Thanks to all those who comforted me in my time of need.(Bush winning presidency) You made me feel that the world was not totally lost. And thanks for all the hugs. I really appreciate it.

Not much else to say...I'm enjoying a nice cup of strawberry soda...Err. Right, on that note, I'll leave you to your other journals.
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    Dead Boy's Poem -Nightwish-


Bush is winning...

I need some comfort food...

Chocolate would be nice...

I need a hug too...

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    Go to Sleep You Li'l Baby -fff-

(no subject)

Hehe, I think it's been a long enough wait. Anyway, I woke up at about 4:50am this morning, so don't expect this to be overly intelligent. Or even legible for that matter. ^.^ I MISS YOU GUYS! Well, school's started. YMP's over. -tear- Life will go on. Oh, Jake brought over a friend named Daniel (But everyone calls him Oz). This is old news, but I still haven't posted it yet. Anyway, he's very awesome. Really funny and sweet. You guys will like him. Well, those of you who haven't met him.

Next topic. School: My humanities teacher is way too hard. He gives us easy work, and I do it all perfectly, but I still have a 'B'! What's up with that?! Advanced Drama is the best, like always. We're doing a totally butchered version of Romeo and Juliet. I got Juliet, so I bought the 1960's DVD and sobbed over it. Honor Band's great. We were going to play the theme song from West Wing, but most of the class couldn't handle the high notes. Oh, AND I'M FIRST CLARINET CHAIR. I say clarinet chair because the bassoon player sits before me. But that doesn't count, does it?

Anyway, currently at Kat's house. She's not here. -sob- But I'll live. Tigger is going to take me to Mary Anne's B-day party. I love Westfield parties. They're always so much fun. I'm hoping on going swimming but it really matters what temperature the water is. I don't feel in the mood for freazing my ass off. ^_^' Well, that's about it. I'll hopefully update again soon. ^.^

  • Current Music
    Guns 'N Roses -Sweet Child O' Mine-