_citylights___ (_citylights__) wrote,

i have this amazing ability to make men who absolutely adore me completely hate me in a matter of months. I feel like anytime i find something or someone who i feel like i could actually really see myself with they are unattainable. My first love will always be a distance from me, i will never see him. I will always love him and never find anyone that will come close to him. But i will never see him and have him. Maybe that is why anyone else that i end up really liking end up hating me. Maybe i really am completely bat shit crazy.

None the less i have this idea in my head of the perfect person for me, and this past week i met someone who i would love to have a chance with. It was scary how perfectly me i felt with him. How much fun i had with him. How good i felt. It was exactly the way i could imagine my first love and i together. it was creepy and amazing. It brought back a pain in my hear that i havent felt in a long time. I remember now that i am incapable of ever getting what i really want.

this is me being selfish.

  • (no subject)

    i think its safe to say im going to be the crazy catlady.

  • (no subject)

    why does my mind so often wonder back to him? i am fully aware that what we had is over & that love i felt or feel for him is mute. I still can't…

  • (no subject)

    sometimes even though i am really really happy with my life. i get kinda lonely.. it's rare but, when it happens it sucks.

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