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[ website | broseph jo ]
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(no subject) [Jun. 8th, 2011|08:55 pm]
i just spent a long time reading my livejournal from eighth grade. i used to be so much cooler.
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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2011|03:01 am]
no one's into livejournal anymore, and that's cool i guess. it's just that time again. i've been so miserable since i sprained my ankle. no one tells you how painful it is to walk on crutches. i wake up every night with my ankle wrap burning holes in my foot and i get so mad. today my (former) tennis teacher complemented my shoe, i ate a lot of sugar, i went to dinner with my aunt and her husband. it was weird to be out with them, millionaires, and have them buy me drinks and order me calamari and be so interested in every single word i had to say. tonight i've been thinking a lot about how i've never seen your living room but i expect it to be all brown and cozy, with wood paneling and a big record player that your parents only use at christmastime. it's been over two years since we've seen each other, but i'll bet you haven't noticed. tomorrow i will go out for my friend's 21st and try to laugh and be cool and pretend that i don't need validation from every single person in the room.
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2010|11:01 pm]
this guy from my high school was shot and i cried about it all night last night. then i saw pictures of his girlfriend at the vigil held for him and i cried some more. i guess i was just remembering how i went to his house once and he had a blanket on his wall with the poker-playing dogs on it. and how i saw him hug his girlfriend at soda springs park. and he shared a cigarette with me once and let me drink his vodka.

i really didn't like that guy. and i really, really didn't like his girlfriend. i don't know how to process these feelings.
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2010|07:48 pm]
i really need to get out more.
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(no subject) [Jun. 30th, 2010|07:31 pm]
chris and i just celebrated our two year anniversary. we drank champagne and we smooched and we swam at a fancy hotel in denver. i feel really glad that i have him and that we're still together. there are certain things that fade out after two years, but he feels like home to me. i don't like to think about whether or not we will stay together in the future (maybe we won't make it two more years, maybe we will be together forever) but i'll always love him and i'll always think he's really really cool.

i'm really happy that it's summer, which is a stupid thing to say because everyone is happy that it's summer, but i think i'm happier than most people. last semester i had so much work to do and matt stevens was ruining my life for the longest time and now i don't have to deal with any of that. it's all mondays and true blood and best friends and a better job and no homework and no matt stevens. that's awesome.
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(no subject) [May. 2nd, 2010|01:33 pm]
i wasn't accepted to reed college and i didn't receive enough financial aid for psu. i'm trying to work on that last thing. i have some options. even so, moving to portland is going to be difficult and i don't know if i can pull it off.
it's snowing so hard and my shoes are soaked through. writing a paper with wet feet will be hard. my life is so disappointing sometimes.
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(no subject) [Mar. 14th, 2010|11:50 pm]
haikus about daniel:

there is a jerk here
should i cut my hair or not?
i really don't care

necklace on your chest
stop talking about hair cuts
you sound really dumb

i can't explain it
you make me so fucking mad
stop spouting bullshit

"the jews did some fucked up shit"
"would you rather work to live?"
"he's really not postmodern"

thanks for going out
i'm glad you smoke cigarettes
so you leave sometimes
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(no subject) [Feb. 13th, 2010|01:45 am]
in my class we were talking about the barbie that works at mcdonald's and it made me uneasy so i had a dream that night that i worked at mcdonald's. it's just strange to be me sometimes, i always wanted to be this person that was quiet and didn't need attention but i think i'll always be loud and i will always give too much of myself, that has always been my problem i have always given too much of myself. i'm a loud kind of girl and people have told me they wished they could be more assertive but it was always that quiet girl that i liked, that was who i wanted to be. i don't know, i'm too busy and i'm trying to say something but i forgot what it was.
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(no subject) [Dec. 19th, 2009|07:32 pm]
i finished my first semester of college. it's strange to grow up. it's strange to have your own apartment and pay your own bills and live with your boyfriend and do stuff like go to college and buy your own broom and your own trashcans. it's strange to not really go to parties and get drunk anymore and spend all your time doing homework. it's strange that it's almost 2010. almost ten years since i was at my grandparents house and my dad whispered to me, "you're going to grow up in a new millennium!" it made me feel excited and scared and i wondered what i would be like today. i was wearing bright pink overalls. i think i also felt sad because i misspelled 'millennium' and lost the spelling bee in 1999. i want to go back and whisper in my own ear, "you're going to grow up goofy, you're going to meet so many good people, you're going to have so much fun, you're going to have really cool dreams."

i'm taking cool classes next semester:
body, culture, power - tues and thurs
women writers and experience - tues
gender and race theory - wed
global women's issues - wed
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(no subject) [Aug. 1st, 2009|04:41 pm]
"pretend for a moment that you grew up in a deeply racist society...one which advantages accrue disproportionately to members of one race...and that this race has a long and disturbing (when noticed) yet often underinvestigated history of exploiting other races. pretend that the rich...are entitled to the benefits their wealth brings to them, even when it comes at the expense of the vast majority. pretend also that in this society men subjugate women...both officially, through casting males as primary decision makers and by undervaluing or undercompensating the contributions of women (as well as by creating a philosophy, theology, and politics to undergrid this subjugation); and unofficially, through an oftentimes officially disavowed yet omnipresent campaign of terrorism: rape and other violence to keep women in their place. pretend, finally, that this society perceives the natural world not the be replete with other beings with whom one can and should enter into respectful and mutually beneficial relationships (as do indigenous peoples worldwide) but is instead composed of objects to be exploited.
If you're a fully socialized white male within this group, that is, if you've been taught to believe on some level that whites are superior to nonwhites, that the rich somehow deserve their monetary and political wealth, that men are superior to women, that humans are superior to nonhumans, your default perspective will, naturally, conform to those beliefs. if your socialization is sophisticated enough, the beliefs may quite possibly be invisible to you. of course humans are more intelligent than rocks. this is a joke, right? simply substitute blacks, jews, women, indians, apes, rats, rivers, or whatever other group you may want to exploit (and if you object to mixing humans and nonhumans in this example, you might consider the invisibility of your own socialization). or the invisibility might manifest itself another way: whites superior to indians? preposterous. we live in a color-blind society, we can say with all righteous truthfulness in this place taken by massacre from these same people. if your socialization has been thorough enough, you will probably not feel tremendously torn as you take your due, however directly or circuitously, from the labor of nonwhites and the poor, from the activities or bodies of women, from the rending of the fabric of the natural world. avoidance of inner conflict will require you to deny that those to be exploited have lives that are precious to them. you will, in short, have to live in a state of denial."
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