nph.

(no subject)

So apparently i'm the girl he's been with the longest and the first girl he's ever been in love with so he's not used to the idea yet that i'm not going anywhere.
nph.

(no subject)

So i ran away to mississippi to be with preston. That state is awful i don't know why in the world anyone would want to live there. We stayed there a couple of days and then came back to myrtle beach. I'm back at my parent's house and he's back at his grandparent's house. It sucks not living together but at least we still see each other everyday. The plan now is to just save up until we can get our own place.
nph.

(no subject)

So for the past two months I've been living this bohemian lifestyle. Falling asleep wherever I can, sleeping in cars, backaches from being curled up on a couch, mold growing on dirty clothes, not eating to where i threw up sometimes and to where none of my clothes fit me at all, and probably pissing off my entire family. But the entire time I've been with the boy I'm in love with. Yea we fought a lot and were awful to each other sometimes but I was never unhappy. I was really happy because I was with the person I loved. Now I'm sleeping in a bed at my sister's house and I'm gonna be sleeping at a bed in my house having a "normal" life but I'm the most miserable I've been. Pardon me for thinking pretty niavely right now but why does that stuff matter? I don't understand why I can't just keep being homeless and being happy with the boy I'm in love with. Noone understands why I love him but noone knows him the way I do. About four years ago I decided I was tired of being hurt that I was turning all my emotions off. And I did. I floated through four years of not being happy or sad or mad, just having friends to have friends but not feeling a connection to them (honestly if you asked me I would say I had no true friends that's just home I feel), and feeling like a complete zombie like I was just sitting back and watching my entire life happen but not participating in it. But I met this boy and he woke everything inside of me up. I happy and sad and mad and everything again, I finally felt a true connection to another human being, and finally felt like I was living my life not just watching it. Everyone else says I'm a zombie now but that's because all anyone talks to me about is how much they hate my boyfriend and think he's not right for me. Obviously I'm gonna respond like a zombie to that. I don't want to hear it and don't care about anyone else's opinion but my own. I just want to be happy again and that won't happen until I'm with Preston. I woke up this morning and I was half awake and half asleep and I saw him and then he went away and I started yelling "Baby where'd you go!!!!". But then I realized that he's not even here. That was horrible. I've been falling asleep hugging his shirt every night and saying "night baby" to it and kissing it. I need to be back with this boy. I'm not gonna be myself until I'm back with this boy. I don't care what I have to do anymore to be with him it's something I need to do for myself. I'm tired of worrying what everyone else thinks. I don't care if me and him live under a fucking bridge for the rest of our lives I'll be happy as long as I'm with him. And I honestly don't understand why everyone who cares about me wants me to be miserable. I need to be with Preston that's the only thing I need.
nph.

(no subject)

wow wow wow wow wow.
So I'm going home. Preston had to go live with his friend in mississippi.
We're still together.
I don't even know right now. I'm a mess.
I've spent every second of every day for the last 6 months with this boy.
I feel like I've lost half of myself.
I can't even think.
I'm miserable.
I don't think I'll be able to fall asleep without him by my side.
And I don't even know how long until I can see him again.
And oh yea we're engaged.
nph.

(no subject)

So I've been really sad lately thinking about the fact that if my baby didn't die it'd almost be out. Only like 3 more months. I'd be big and fat and ridiculous right now. Preston is sad too I think. Our baby would be ridiculously good looking. But it's for the best right? But I can't help thinking of how my life would be right now if it didn't die. We'd be thinking about names and stuff right now. I don't even know. Whatever it's been a rough year.