VIVA LA JOY. (_bulldoze) wrote,


I've ridden this ride a million times. I've wasted away at least a thousand paper tickets on this roller coaster; nothing else in the world seems to compare. I know this ride inside and out, upside and down. And I know that every time I ride it, I only want to ride it again.

This is where it takes off, jolting me backward as it goes into motion, turning a corner shortly ahead and heading up a massive incline. As soon as I take my seat, before it even starts, I can see that incline. It's like a picture burned into my brain and I can see it all the time. I grip the bars in front of me and let the incline push me deeper into my seat, anticipation roaring like a fucking banshee in my ears. All I can see ahead of me is the summit, and everything after that just cuts off into the sky I'm climbing closer to. Everything else might as well not exist. Everything else matters nothing to me. I picture the peak in my head as my eyelids squeeze together and my muscles tighten. And even though I've ridden this ride a million times, no amount of anticipation can quite prepare me for the peak of that incline.

I reach the top, and notice that there's an entire world below me. I notice that I am connected to a track that runs the same course every time I step aboard. I notice that I am as high and as mighty as I will ever be. Everything else matters nothing to me. Everything else is dead to me as the front cart is below me. And the second cart now. And now the third cart, and the forth cart, and the fifth cart are all below me. My turn.

I feel the crest of the mountain underneath the wheels of my cart and suddenly I'm bombarded with a gust of wind that hits me like a brick to the face. I am my own climax, wishing I had all the energy and all the time in the world to wave at every onlooker, scream at every fan, and rip every knife from my throat. But that second is too fleeting, and before I know it, I am flying down the other side of this crag, with the wind slapping at my skin, penetrating my cheeks and spraying my eyes. I careen down at an unheard of speed. I can feel my body strapped to my seat, too stiff to move a centimeter. On the inside I am exploding. I am combusting into a swarm of deep and dark fire that screams and blasts burning embers onto all my organs. My brain is being tossed against every wall of my skull, splattering different substances on every partition and making me feel like I am physically nothing but a jell-o mold. I can tell I have never reached speeds like this before, and as everything zooms by me too quickly to become anything but a blur, I can tell I am feeling exhilaration at its finest. I want nothing else in the world to have a shape. I want nothing to have matter, but blur around me like a flash of pictures and colors.

Suddenly it's all over, and although I am still racing through the scenery, it doesn't seem as thrilling as the incredibly steep decline behind me. I am still being shoved around in my seat, but all I can do it cautiously picture that slope in my head and try to recreate the feeling. I've descended to the bottom of the emotional roller coaster and now the only thing I feel is a nauseating sensation and I think I might throw up. I want to feel that everything below me is lifeless and boring, but I reach the bottom and realize it is I who is dead. And it makes me want to go back so I can feel alive again. I want to go back. I want to go back and feel it again. And again. And once more after that, until I finally gather the excitement to blow up in my seat and become a breath of air that exists only for that feeling. I have always loved this ride. I am addicted to this ride, and one pill just isn't enough to satisfy my constant craving anymore.

Save me.

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