August 19th, 2005

(no subject)

.5 Severance.

I knew I'd miss Ben Danger. I knew I'd miss Jay Bellanger and Hennie and the whole 802. I knew I'd miss Audra and coffee on the marketplace, and my Dad and his quirky, sometimes-way-too-happy girlfriend. But I had no idea that the person I would end up missing the most was my sister Jill.

On the day I left, July 5th, 2005, Jill hugged me for the first time in our entire lives. I was surprised to find out that Jill was in fact a great hugger, and I was suddenly motivated to consider her someone I loved because she was someone I cared about, rather than someone I loved because she was family. I knew I'd miss her because she was my sister, and I'd spent my whole life growing up with her, but it wasn't until I got here that I actually felt like she was more like my twin than just my sister. I felt incomplete somehow. I felt like the other half of me was all the way on the other side of the States and my existence wasn't quite as easily validated as it was before. I realized that being without someone who practically shared the same mind as me made it so much harder to completely convey myself correctly. If I was bold enough to temp something, I usually had my sister to back me up and dare the same thing, and vice versa. But here I was on my own, and I was surprised to realize that the person I was capable of hating more than anyone in the world sometimes was actually the one I missed the most. I always find myself walking the streets of thic city and wishing Jill was here to experience something that would blow her away as much as it had me. San Francisco would be a thousand times cooler if she was here to conquer it with me.

I miss my fucking sister.