June 9th, 2005

(no subject)

Cocaine Cat.

Right about now I need a cat. I need a nice, fluffy, soft, personable cat. I need a cat that I can pet for hours. I need a cat to distract me from alcohol. I can pet it while everyone around me downs their poison of choice. I can pet it while everyone around me gets so hammered that actions they love turn into actions they regret. I can pet it while I sidetrack and distract; while I avoid taking part in festivities that lead me to obesity and ultimate regret of my decisions. I can pet it while I watch other hands pick up fine crystal glasses of red wine and set them down again in front of me. I can pet it at home while they drink and dial my lonely phone while I sit alone. I can pet it while my hermit habits thrive and I pretend I'm in no mood to hang out. I can pet it to divert my attention from my dying desire to drink till I die. I can pet it while they drink, and while I quit.

I need a cat to distract me from sex. I can pet it while everyone around me indulges in sexual behavior, exploring all uncharted territory of new bodies they love to fuck. I can pet it while everyone around me gets to experience new kisses, new fondles, new head, and new beds. I can pet it while everyone around me gets to love promiscuity and love of all forms. I can pet it while I distract myself from my urges to touch every inch of the men around me. I can pet it while those men fuck my friends because I'm at home petting my cat. I can pet it while I fantasize about the relations that won't take place. I can pet it while I sit alone, unmassaged by beautiful eyes that I refuse to put a name to. I can pet it while I avoid these temptations to down a bottle of whiskey or wine and throw away my inhibitions in an attempt to play romantic cards with the people I see. I can pet it while they kiss, and while I quit.

I need a cat to distract me from money. I can pet it while everyone around me works forty hour weeks in preparation for another month of payments. I can pet it to pass the time until the phone rings and I become one of those working stiffs. I can pet it to pass the time until I no longer need jobs or money because I'll be rich with education. I can pet it while they carelessly afford breakfast, lunch, dinner, and six coffees as part of their everyday routine. I can pet it while I sit in my room thinking about all the things I'd like to dress up in but can't afford. I can pet it to distract myself from the rainstorms of currency that occur above everyone but me every time I step outside, because I'm too busy shoveling out irresponsibly. I can pet it while I crave cigarettes, and pet my cat more ferociously when I think about how badly I want one and how far I am from affording it. I can pet it while they work, and while I quit.

I need a cat. The finest, furriest, feline distraction
from the everyday vices I am trying to destroy.