March 8th, 2005

The boy that knew only green.

When I was in eighth grade, I had a boyfriend for six months. His name was Matt Hallett, and boy, was he ever cute. I remember the first day I saw him, he was the new kid in band class. Mr. Smith introduced him to the class, and as he took a seat with the other trumpet players, I remember the way he looked at me with my trombone. It was that eighth grade "I like you" look.

Matt Hallett and I were boyfriend and girlfriend almost a week after that look in band class, and I had never had a bigger crush on anyone as big as the one I had on my boyfriend, Matt. But you see, I wasn't exactly rackin' up the hottiezz at 13. In fact, I didn't get my first real kiss until 9th grade, and even then I thought it was the fucking weirdest thing in the world. That meant that for the six long months that Matt Hallett and I dated, we didn't once kiss.

It was funny, too. We were so uncomfortable around each other that even holding hands was something to write home about. And I think I only got the balls to put my head on his shoulder once. Sometimes we would write each other e-mails during free periods that told each other that we were ready to take it to the next level and kiss, or act more affectionate towards each other (I doubt either of us even knew what "affectionate" meant at that age). Regardless of our prepubescent emails, we were both still too nervous to ever make a move on each other. Even on the night that Matt and I found ourselves lost in a field of tall grass, dandelions, and the setting sun, we couldn't find the romance in our immature bodies to pucker up.

When I graduated from middle school and progressed onto the incredible, cannibalistic world of 9th grade, I heard through the grape vine that Matt Hallett was leaving. Matt and I hadn't spoken for nearly a year at this point (we were probably too nervous), so I just let the boy leave Vermont without getting in touch with him one last time to say I would make out with him now. Now that I've stumbled upon past pictures of him, I have been dying to get a hold of him. I want to know what he's like now, and if that kid finally found the balls to lose his virginity, or if he's done a lucky girl from behind. I want to know if I can see him one last time, just so we can finally make out and put some damn closure on those six months of nothingness.