January 27th, 2005

A tribute to Jenn Purchase.

Allow me to explain (in detail) some of my fellow employees.

The Vermont Teddy Bear Company fulfills close to 200,000 orders around Valentine's Day, and therefore, they're required to hire a plethora of temporary employees to help them with the many tasks that go along with mailing worthless sappy products. But the lameness of the product is not the point here.

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Among all these people I have somehow managed to survive. I have somehow found my way to the peak week of Valentine's Day when I can officially come home on the 19th of February with an assload of money in my pocket and a fulfilling smile of accomplishment and completion. There will be no more peanut M&Ms, no more David Spades, no more talk of dick sucking, gun shooting, or slut banging, no more inescapable awkward moments, no more themed outfits, and most importantly, no more teddy bears after that fateful day. Some of these nutjobs may not make it to that point, because it's hard to imagine such bizarre folk could last long enough without saying or doing something so weird that one of us normal people would voice a complaint. Why is it so easy to hire fucked up people, and so easy to watch them fuck up day in and day out because of their peanut M&M-sized brains? Why is it so hard to hire decent human beings that don't rub normalcy in your face at every sign of sanity?

It was today that the riches of February 19th seemed so much further away, when they decided to start firing the normal ones of the bunch, and especially when they fired my closest friend, destroying the dynamic duo and stranding me without my sidekick to help me fend off the rest of these idiots.