January 9th, 2005

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My mother has always hated the fact that Jill and I are indecent, impolite, scandalous, and somewhat disgusting. She never grew used to our once-a-week showering habits, the neverending supply of our own boogers at the bottom of our pant legs, our constant laughing and regurgitation of milk all over our dinners while we ate, and the fact that we hold silverwear like barbarians. So for Christmas, we decided to get together and take as many rude and obnoxious photographs of ourselves as possible and present them to her as the gift she always wanted: Portraits of her gross daughters hanging on the walls of every hallway. Wedgie picking and my middle finger to go along with scenic pictures of Hawaii at sunset, or mom and dad happily skiing in Utah. These are some pictures of children that the folks at the factory would actually be happy to see.

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