VIVA LA JOY. (_bulldoze) wrote,

I don't like this piece of writing but it needs to be up here.

I don't think any of us really expected it to happen the way that it did, nor were any of us prepared at the beginning of July for what was ahead of us in the coming three months. As if simply our abilities served as our weapons in the fateful tournament of the every day, we turned the corner of our Summer Quarter only to find ourselves face to face with opportunities so rich with fortune and untouched by hands less marvelous than our own. We marveled in its purity and took turns skimming it with our fingertips so as to coat them in a practically invisible layer of gold dust that would give us long-lasting power that we'd never felt before. Tiny particles of this magical dust surrounded us for three months following a moment that existed only personally in each of us, and although no one could see them on us or around us, perhaps it was the smell, or the sound, or the feeling of us that had not been as magnetic or mesmerizing to this extent before, it was all so obviously there in one way or another. The only reason we knew this was because we knew that in this particular small set of months that brought us together for the four quarters of the year, things were different.

With the release of all burdens during the short weeks that premised our reunion in San Francisco, it was inevitable that some of our lives would change. I was no longer with Bob, and when he moved out of the apartment by about week 3 or 4, it began a connection with my roomate and frequent frustration, Bunny, that somehow had not been established yet. Suddenly her company seemed important and absolutely necessary, as we started to become more graceful in our interactions with ourselves and other people. My individuality had been discovered underneath the sheets when I'd ripped them from my bed in a celebration of sleeping in it alone, and there to adventure at my side in a time of self-rediscovery, Bunny pinned that feeling of eccentricity on me like a badge that we could both wear with pride. The separation of another infamous couple granted us the companionship of a tall, classy animating machine from the Ukraine by the name of Denis Korkh. Quickly becoming the third person in a party of swash-bucklers, we discovered a unit and a bond between the three of us that would bear a title that no amount of good or bad could tamper with. Within the first half of the quarter, although I had not yet recognized the epic changes occuring in my life and their's, I knew I had myself a wingman.

The presence of a wingman in my life was something I'd never really had before, and it made me realize that there were ways to label myself now other than "promiscuous" or "raging individual." There was a certain lifestyle that we were all starting to live, and we were finally starting to pin-point it. There was a game we were playing, even if we hadn't yet stopped to read the rules or see who would go first, and we were experts at it; a team unbeatable by any bad roll or broken rule. We started to make our moves with thoughts that came together like puzzle pieces, and our thought process as a team became more advanced and more calculated to best accentuate our actions. We were like eccentric computers that had every secret password for every hidden door that lead to everything we wanted, and we shared every bit of knowledge with each other in an attempt only to improve ourselves as individuals and as a unit. It wasn't long until I realized that all doors had been unlocked and I was officially on top of the world.

It happened universally -- in every group and every head inside of them. Everyone felt it. So much happened in quick heartbeats, and never got addressed as what it was until later on when everyone could realize just how amazing it had been. There were bonds with surrounding people that finally turned from acquaintance to friend. The places we occupied stopped being just where we were and turned into our homes, occupied by people we knew for a fact were our best friends. We would come together often and wallow in the contentment that everyone shared with their lives, whether it happened on a roaring adventure through the depths of the city, or in the comfort of our messy home that became the headquarters for Wednesday's poker nights that would kill a case of Stella every time. There was friendship to be had, love to fall into, experience to finally be explored without constraint of any kind. Every single person had some of that gold dust coating their fingertips, and everyone felt it; just how amazing it was to be in our very own shoes that lost another layer every day come Go time.

I was becoming something I liked. Every day when I saw the bay between the Embarcadero and West Oakland's shipping yards, I would gaze up at the massive bridge and marvel in everything that surrounded me and only pray that I wasn't dreaming. Despite the billion mental pinches I could give myself every time the thought crossed my mind that I might wake up at any moment, I could only stand in absolute bewilderment when I'd realize that it was all real, and my life was indeed this incredible. The things I would see and do and the people I would go there and leave with, whether or not they were the same people -- it was all so perfectly set and it was as if these moments had been calculated millions of years in history to run without a single flaw. It was like a universal euphoria that would deal out its necessary amounts of shit before everyone's issues would all *click* at the same time and we would find ourselves there together.
The moments at this point seem too many to document, and all I can do is try my best to explain how and why the past three months of my life have been so incredible. Continuing any further would be an injustice to it, considering every person's experience was different, and equally amazing in opposite ways. All I can say for myself is that my entire life has changed around, and is still changing more by the day as I learn more and more about everything around me and become a better person that I love being. My life has every element it needs right now to thrive to its fullest, and I feel as if I have managed to drop all my problems in the street and watch the Muni crush them to bits as I cheer from the sidewalk. We have all grown so tremendously and learned things we simply could not fathom at the beginning of these three months, and when I think about my life I cannot help but smile at the fact that I have all this happiness, and that I deserve every bit of it.

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