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Brian James...and his quiet pain [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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"We're Lovers Not Writers" [Sep. 28th, 2006|02:02 pm]
[Mood |Chill]
[Music |JR Writer-Hot 97 Freestyle]

I'm sitting next to Dan in the SCSU Library.
We're having a blast.
I have a paper to write.
I just had surgery on my GUMS.
They hurt.
They stopped bleeding.
Dan and I are both wearing YELLOW.

"(Yesterday I) Felt the most hated
I thought I couldn't take it, they said I couldn't make it
(And today I'm) Feelin' brand new
I got nothin' to lose, I'm bout to make moves
(Yesterday I) Felt the most hated
I thought I couldn't take it, I fought until I made it
(And today I'm) Feelin' brand new
I got nothin' to lose, get out my way move"-Murs "Yesterday and Today"
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"I been around the block, got a few dues paid..." [Nov. 28th, 2005|04:21 pm]
[Mood |straight]
[Music |JR Writer-"Number One Spot Freestyle"]

Well...I've been neglecting this journal.
I'm going to start updating alot more often
cause...I'm deleting my myspace account.

It takes up way too much time.
I know I will be gettin' rid of alot of attention that is given to me.
It hasn't profitef me at all.
I get nothing fomr it but lost time.
I don't learn much except for the fact that so many people need constant attention.
I'm content with meeting people in real life.
Bottom Line is I'm here to stay.

"What you ain't understandin' shorty?
Picture Me Blammin' Forty,
I got a lineup of killers that'll just blam you for me,
Cause when I'm out, it's like Girls Gone Wild,
Soon as I lift my shirt, the camera's on me,
I'm in the major stacks, major stats, hate on that,
Cam holla cause I'ma bring his label plats,
That ain't made of plat, Whoa, that ain't gold,
you copped your jewelery from Hov, they all FADE TO BLACK"-JR Writer
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Hey.... [Nov. 21st, 2005|05:34 pm]
Puff Daddy is so greedy.

"Like Short sleeves, I bare arms"-Jay-Z
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Feelin' Down... [Oct. 26th, 2005|02:37 pm]
[Music |Camron & Juelz Santana-"Damn" Freestyle]

I told that girl everything...

All She could say was:
"to be honest i never considered more than friendship...i have always seen you and treated you as a friend"

Wow, That Hurts.
What do I expect...?
It's not what I wanted to hear. It sucks.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I never rushed anything.
I was patient. But it comes back to bite me cause, after all that whole
time of me thinking that something might be there. She claims she never even
thought a possibility of anything between us.

I'm tired of Girls. But I ain't gay. lol.

Karim said it best "Girls are Shady"

I hate when they pretend to care when they don't.
Just be real. Don't even hint at anything. I felt lead on.
She never really cared. Just being nice. WHATEVER.

I don't even know where to go from here.

I don't want to get hurt again.

This hurt makes me not want to talk to girls at all. I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of trying. I just don't want to be here.
I don't want to be me. I don't want to walk in my shoes.

I just want to dissappear. I just want to be a Hermet.


Sometimes I wonder if my queen is out there waiting for me.
I hope she's still coming. I'm waiting. I could be waiting a long time.
But for now, No talking to any girls. It will be hard.
I'm talking all girls. I hate them. Atleast for right now.

I once knew a girl in the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth
In the morning I fled, left a note and it read,
“Someday you will be loved.”

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
‘Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved.

You’ll be loved, you’ll be loved, like you never have known
And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs, like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved.

You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
Someday you will be loved."-Death Cab For Cutie
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Come one Come all from the Suburbs to the shopping malls... [Oct. 9th, 2005|10:06 pm]
[Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Music |Mars Ill-Writes of Passage]

Oh My Gosh...
I just can't contain my feelings.
I had soooooooooooooooo many chances to tell her how I felt about her.
I can't believe I let her go to college with me letting her know what's up.
I want to tell her so bad. But she's 2 hours away.
I want to go up and visit her at school and let her know what the deal is.
I feel sooo much passion within myself.
My Head Hurts. I don't know.
But this is kinda a first step:

(My Queen): but i actually gotta get going
(My Queen): ill ttyl
(My Queen): bye bye
(My Queen): have a good night
ILLRAWFLOW: thanks...
(My Queen): is everything okay?
ILLRAWFLOW: Nah.....I really miss you...and I've been realizing that alot lately...that's y I have been trying to contact u soo much lately..
(My Queen): yeah i understand im not trying to be rude or ignore you its just that im still kinda trying to get used to my work load and staying in touch with everyone
ILLRAWFLOW: I understand...I'd love to come and visit...
ILLRAWFLOW: We gotta talk...
(My Queen): yeah definitely

I like her alot. I want to tell her.
She's a great girl. She loves God. She's smart. She's funny. She's gorgeous to me.

Like Brendan would say "The Youth is wasted on the young"

I'm not gonna let it be wasted on me.

"More honest politicians running positive campaigns,
More Scandals exposed when I pull back the Bandaid,
Less Cris poppin' champagne,
And Less young brothers on the corner enslaved to slang Cane"-Mars ILL
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"I'll do anything..." [Sep. 27th, 2005|12:55 pm]
[Mood |Great]
[Music |Jay-Z ft. DMX-Money, Cash, Hoes]

I was trying to cut my hair.
But I just got a job at shoprite. Holler.
They said I need to be clean cut.
so, the corporate world (lol not really) is choking me.
I'm getting it cut in an hour or so.

Why do people use energetic to describe themselves...?

"I'm on some, What have you done for me lately?"-Atmosphere
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"Get it today...stack it tommorow..." [Sep. 22nd, 2005|11:39 am]
[Mood |thankfulthankful]
[Music |Juelz Santana-Okay Okay]

Class today was so boring.
But...I'm real nervous.
I have to do a report against gay marriage.
There are two girls on the For side.
I'm the only one against.
I'm just hoping that I don't come off sounding stupid or like a bigot.
I am dreading doing this.
But I know there's a reason I'm doing this.
I just want to sound like I know what I'm talking about.
It's such a tough topic.

"It's Santana the Great again, tie him up, bandana his face again,
I try to tell em' there's no escapin' the basics,
and no escapin'hatred and no escapin' the Matrix Man,
Only Neo is Me, No cleo can see,
my future, if she did, I'd shoot her"-Juelz Santana
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"Can I Have it like that?..." [Sep. 20th, 2005|09:10 am]
[Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Music |Juelz Santana-I Got This]

I'm feelin' very sentimental.
I wanna tell the girl I've been feelin for about 6 months that I like her.
She's away at college.
I wonder if I should wait til she gets home from christmas break.
I really want to tell her how I feel.
I should have told her a long time.

"I am a hustla baby, i'll sell water to a well"-Jay-Z
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"We stay on that Dumb Ish..." [Sep. 15th, 2005|12:03 pm]
[Mood |calmcalm]
[Music |Dipset on Rap City(ON My Block)]

I need a job. I haven't been jobless since I was like 11.
that's hilarious.
I'm lookin' at American Eagle
Urban Outfitters
Home Depot
Regency House

I don't know what else...

I'm still lookin'...

I need money...

"Who More Realer?
Forget Mike, til you see me, you never saw Thriller"-Camron
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"We Strive at Home, I Ride on Chrome" [Sep. 14th, 2005|07:33 pm]
[Mood |Life is Great]
[Music |Atmosphere-Smart Went Crazy]

Sophmore Year is straight.
Today I went around the city of New Haven with Joey AX.
He told me about the Davinci Code.
He told me about the Secret Society.
showed me architecture and the meaning behind them.
I learned alot.
It opened my eyes up.
My Life is so much more valuable than I have realized.
I'm tryin' to enjoy my life.
Up to this point in my life, I really haven't enjoyed my time on earth.
I have a severe struggle dealing with loneliness.
I need to embrace the times when I'm alone.
I am looking at life through a new pair of eyes.
I'm Here. Brian James is here.
I have talent. I have something to give to this globe.
If you want to experience what I bring to the table, you approach me.
I'm just living like every person that doesn't know me is missing out.

The New Kanye is Dope. The New Atmosphere is Dope. The New Mars ILL is Dope.
Killa Cam is Dope.

"We made the team without puttin' on the uniform,
Smart Went crazy and rode a unicorn through the storm"-Atmosphere
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