Lana (_brand_new_me_) wrote,

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[Private Entry]

I still can't believe I thought I was being stalked by Jason. At the very least it shook some things loose. If not for Chloe... I don't think I could have admitted that I was raped.

God. That word. It's so ugly. It doesn't even seem to fit with what happened. Jason was my boyfriend. I loved him. He loved me. But he did rape me. He might not have been in his right mind, he might not have *meant* to do it. Be he did. It happened.

He forced me onto the bed, he stripped my clothes away, forced himself between my legs...

For the longest time I convinced myself it wasn't rape, because I let him. I didn't fight, I didn't say no. I didn't want to get hurt. He was so strong. Stronger than normal. I knew something was wrong, so I just... let him.
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