andy bernard

poor me.

i haven't written in a loooong time due to an extremely painful ear infection. i regularly write on my baby mccompy, but i've been such in an irritable mood and excruciating pain, only lessened by consuming mass overdoses of acetaminophen. my mouth won't open all the way, it hurts to chew, to talk and to listen. i haven't used frederick the ipod in a week (and according to yahoo! health, his evil earbuds may be the CULPRIT!) speaking of fred... jesse f. keeler is married. boohoo. i just found out today on facebook. thank you facebook, for making me cry a little. just a little, i swear. something else made me cry today but for a different reason: hilarity. the new issue of the VCR has these articles on the christmas experiences of their four main journalists. the giggling that a certain person's writing has induced may cause my impairment to require yet another day of recovery.

boi news: on monday my coffee crush (that's starbucks-speak for the customer that you have a thing for) stopped by and i kinda accidentally gave him this awkward look out of the corner of my eye... the top corner... while i was setting down his coffee... while asking how his weekend went... egads. it may have come off as creepy, or weird, at best.

i have to "do" my christmas cards. something inside of me requires that i write little personalized notes to each of my coworkers. is that normal? it's kind of irritating. i am seriously writing rough drafts, revising, editing... if only i spent this much time on school work.

oi! speaking of such, i registered for one class today; a couple more to come. it's an online class of Philosophy (since i dropped out/stopped showing up to my super-snoozeworthy philo class back in '04). hopefully this class will be more informative on the subject at hand. the aforementioned previous attempt was spoiled by my professor's insane ramblings on subjects ranging from classic cars to tennis. he also had a habit of heckling the christians in the class. now i am no christian, but i have a problem with people giving christians a hard time. first of all, it's a personal thing, and shouldn't be discussed in a classroom. secondly, it's doubtful that teasing them will produce a change in their opinions. christians are very close-minded, judgmental people. kudos to their kind for even signing up for a philosophy class! that girl should have received an award rather than an embarrassment! can i get a witness?! i'll pay $50 to every fundamentalist christian who completes a college-level philosophy class with a passing grade. that's my gift to the world. merry fucking x-mas.

i am going to have such a lust for life when this horrible pain leaves my body... seriously. seriously...

as an added bonus to the entertainment that my lj entry has provided, here are a list of the tasks i have accomplished during my bedrest:

i watched all three lord of the rings dvds on my macbook! thats NINE HOURS, PEOPLE! i can now say that i have about a 50% chance of telling all the jesus-like blonde, goateed, prince (?), royal (??) guys apart. that's up 15% since the first time i watched. go me!

i drank about 40 cups of tea. that's got to count for something.

i made a facebook profile!

i ate a whole bottle of tylenol! yummy!

yeah, that's preeeetty much it.
andy bernard

bah jesusbug.

how fuckingfantabulus would it be to send out CHARLES DARWIN christmas cards. my family would shit a brick! it would be a beautiful thing...

looky here:
andy bernard

we all fall behind from time to time.

the only guy customers who flirt with me are gross people. they are creeping me out too. there was this dude in the corner (THE CREEPS ALWAYS SIT IN THE CORNERS OF THE STORE!!!) and he was there for like 4 hours, and he watched me, and every time i got close to where he was sitting he would perk up like AS IF i would start chatting with him. um no. you are a creeper. he kept talking about starbucks drinks. omgz. ok. news flash: i work a lot. i don't want to talk to you about gingerfuckingbread lattes and how you want to try one but are too scared or something! he seriously brought it up like 5 times. i wanted to make a 200 degree latte and throw it in his creep face and be like "WHAT UP NOWWW SUCKKA"
also the creeps always find reasons to get up and buy more stuff/ask for freebies. i really think they plan it all out, too; they buy their drink, then they get up 10 minutes later to get food, then they need an ice water, then they put a tip in the jar and try to chat. then they ask for a refill or something. then they want to know your name. always. and they remember that shit.
you know that quiz on maddox where you decide if someone is a convicted rapist/child molester by looking at their face?

well let's just say that i got like 95% on that the first time took it. so i know what i am talking about when i talk about creeps.

should i go back to school in the spring? i'll have to work less.
should i go back?!?! i have major problems forcing myself to go to class. but i'm so fucking gifted in teh brains... i feel like they are melting away. am i paranoid or deeply moved by the tides of modern society? im gonna go with the latter! time is money, bitches!
  • Current Music
    new lcd soundsystem! (it's ok)
andy bernard

i <3 apple.

i kinda went mac crazy. i bought my macbook and then i felt like i had to buy a lot of presents for it. incidentally, my credit limit just got increased and oops... i bought an ipod tonight. i'm reeeally happy with all of my new little gadgets. i haven't really left my bed in a while. needless to say, my hobby of making playlists and mix cds has gotten a little out of control. my brother hooked me up with his wireless cable (for some reason he needs a 30mbps connection for his "gaming needs". whattanerd). so my days off pretty much consist of downloading millions of mp3s and watching random stuff on youtube. i really need a life. come home, BFFs!

tonight i hung out with gwenny from another starbucks and her friend (also a starbuckie) who was freakin hilariousss omgz he was yelling spanglish stuff at people on main st. i can't even begin to explain how funny it was because you wouldn't understand + i can't remember what it was. we drove around and sung no doubt really loud. the lamest things are oftentimes the most fun, dontcha know?

i think it's pretty cool how i haven't indulged in any illegal substances lately. i used to think i was gonna smoke weed until i was an old lady. i would be the hip stoner grandma. or something. now i just drink black coffee out of my cute french coffee press. that's my only substance addiction. my room is kinda messy but atleast im XXX drug free 4 life yo. black sharpiez on mah handz n tattoos of birds holding little banners that say poison free on my stomach n shiz. yeah that's me.
  • Current Music
    devics - in your room.
andy bernard


i currently have to step through streamers, balloons and a hugemungous pile of clothing, etc. to get into my bathroom. there is a fog machine and a black light on my floor; a gas pump-shaped alcohol dispenser thingie on my table which is not mine. i had a fun weekend!

i worked on thanksgiving and it was very tiring and then i slept through the festivities at home. it turned out ok because i eventually ate my ceremonial huge bowl of mashed potatoes, for that is all i require on thanksgiving, since i hate turkey and all that other nasty crap.

on friday we had a little 80s prom at my house. we dressed in some fabulous outfits and drank a lot of MGD and stuff. around 9 we headed next door to attend a lifeguard party. schhwiinnggg. or NOT. we had to sit thru this lifeguard photo slideshow shit which was incredibly uninteresting. the main themes seemed to be homosexuality and getting drunk on the job. it's not that i don't approve... i was in a bad mood because i had to freakin' pee and that involved getting up in front of the entire group and walking in front of the projection screen, pretty drunk, with heels on. somehow i managed. vanessa and i did some freestyle rapping to lame beachy lifeguard music (jack johnson and other annoying shit). that was fun. this guy whose name was apparently MANGO kept asking to look at my hands & telling me how much he liked them, WTF? later on he tried to kiss caitlin. oh yeah MCNEIGHBY is FIFTY YEARS OLD. ew i hate myself for ever thinking about him in a sexual way. awkward. regardless, he was very drunk and very slutty. i called him a lush and he agreed. ew, you're 50 y.o. skankaliscious.

on saturday i went shopping at frys electronics and bought a MACBOOK. it's so beautiful and perfect! there are definitely things that i'm not enjoying about macs, and a lot that i can't figure out, annd i'm stealing wireless right now because although our home has 2 wireless networks i can't seem to figure out how to connect to either one. i looove how itunes has an option to fade the songs into one another for up to 12 seconds. i have wanted to do that for so long. yeah whatever shutup.
andy bernard

we spy on people.

i decided that i need to purchase a bike a.s.a.p. i kinda had a spiritual/life-altering experience on a bike this past weekend. yeah, okay, i was smokin' the dope but i'm sure it would have been just as amazing without the thc. i also ate special brownies. it had been a while. we watched a movie about a loch ness monster that lived in a lake in canada. the picture on the case had a little boy riding on the top of the creature's head. how could we NOT rent that?!

it was kind of stupid but whatevs. "waiting for guffman" and "i <3 huckabees" made up for it. then i got sick and couldn't work for two days. the end.
andy bernard


my credit card isn't over it's limit anymore.
i'm making around $1000 a month.
i get a lot of freebies.
my wardrobe is exciting thanks to excessive kleptomania and pathetic security.
i have raised the bar in my beer consuming practices (6-7 on any given "party" night).
celebrity gossip blogs.
addictive television.
garage sale.

lack of interesting/chill people.
physical pains due to heavy workload.
less sitting-around time.
my dad cancelled netflix because my brother threatened to spill orange juice on me when i tried to watch harry potter 4 with him.
i'm hopelessly addicted to yolanda's restaurant and i'm broke because of it. also, i'm always preggers with food.
it's so freakin' hot and humid outside. 24/7, literally.

working 30 hrs a wk plus free caffeine equals no sleep for me :(