Its been a long time...

Well life is back together and the peices fit. I am back home again, not in brandon but riverview. I am working and going back to school fall. I will also be playing softball thank god. I have missed that part of life. I am engaged, and we are planning our wedding date Oct.1.08 It will be amazing. I already have the place. My mom and I are looking at reception halls. Its exciting, having the world on your side. I mean the man I am with is my life, and yes we have had a few curves but it makes the path a whole hell of a lot stronger. We have been here three weeks, we both have jobs, just bought a car 2005 Scion and I am still driving out country-farm truck. I dont wanna sell it, he does. But I know the two cars I want next and he is down to get one or the other.
WE ARE GOING TO ENGLAND next year for one of my best friends weddings.
I saw my best friend brittney.

And life is doing me just fine.
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You live too far away, your voice rings like a bell anyway,.........

Building and Building and not allowing myself to crash. Drinking and having fun, but being serious about school and focusing on my future. Making peace within myself, and functioning the trail and errors in a correct manner. Speaking highly rather than appearing as a pestimistic creature whom roams and loses focus. Im learning the Go-giver, Go-getter combination! Success. Thats a powerful word.

I've done a little obscence things, a couple tattoos a few peircings, a lap dance here and there, but I am enjoy college while it lasts. Im not out getting overly fucked where I lose my state of conscienceness. Music and Shows, friends and building family here.
Indiana, Terre Haute ,yes is somewhat a lonely town, But is also a fine area to grow and be grown up with. But the beauty of nature is all around.

I am just glad I finally got what I want, and I will work harder each day to keep it. Im here for myself. All I ask of some if just to be proud of me.

"A rich love doesn't cost a thing" C. Angelina J.

This is where I begin a whole new form of life. Its not that different, Im still the new kid on the block, but I have made some close friends. Of course not one girl (besides the LEZY Committy) has talked with me. Oh well. My friendship can extend to any level, but if someone wants their own head stuck the their own ass..... I say "Dig Deeper". Its shit, trying to deal with drama, and so I simply have none . I am lucky. College is a time for me to really get the jump of things. I am so focused, so ready to learn from and educate others.

No more going back to old habbits. I am breaking free of them. I am letting things go, that should have been released long before now. I also am learning not to blaim myself, or live in a guilt trip where I have to lie just to sounds somewhat in reality. Things have been difficult the past four years, (even before) But just I experienced things, Turmoil was The key factor of my everyday life. Its not anymore. I am stopping it, even before it begins now in Indiana. I have my own space, so I can choose when and when not my company can come. I am closed minded to idea's of how to live college life. Of course I will hear you out, you can speak, I will listen but I make the decisions. Whose yo daddy? <>.

Im holding on to a stone, very precious. Im not making full committement, but I have apart of a heart, and the jewel once and for always has apart of mine. I am not able to give love up anymore. I was trampled, and then I turned around and trampled on hearts. I am now pacient (for the most part).

Goodnight, and dont worry. I will keep you posted.-Angel J.
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(no subject)

Written by :angelina j tuberosa

The Angel cries every now and then
Her soft shell berries every sin
Given hope with beautiful words
She goes on believing there will someday
Bring new beginnings and finish with an end.

Moonless skies, her heart and mind glide
Fighting boundaries of wrong and right
If faith was so real, tonight wasn’t her night.

Down to the last droplets of tears
Water is shed to refill, the garden so destroyed
The disease overtakes
The memories feel almost fake
And he opens to door, only half way.

What is shown cannot be explained
Whether or not it was intended
Clinging onto every ounce of what might be

Water wind fire air
All so equally there
The devotion to keep the life alive
Rest’s on the knowledge of a soul
And the creation of artistic images
Which last and never seeming to go
I cannot resist you again

Words so fresh from such young love
Left wounded scars engraved
Yet the raindrops twirl as if today was her day
To recreate the masterpiece, which just yesterday was thrown away

I'll keep breathing

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
And I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

I love you
And I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

So far away
(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
So far away
(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
And I've loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you any more
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing, 'cause i'm not leaving you any more
Believe it
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and never let me go

(no subject)

Sunday dress hangin' on the bedroom door;
Empty bottle of wine on the hardwood floor.
Last night, he said she was the one:
Oh, but men an' mascara always run.

Did I give my love too soon or wait too long?
Did I take it a little too easy, or put it on too strong?
She was lookin' for love; he was lookin' for fun.
Yeah, men an' mascara always run.

She ain't gettin' any younger:
It wasn't s'posed to be this way.
Starin' in the mirror,
With little black rivers runnin' down her face.

Tomorrow's gonna be a brand new day:
She'll wake up in the mornin' an' wash it all away.
Last night, he said she was the one:
Oh, but men an' mascara, they always run.
Yeah, men an' mascara always run.

I want to tell you one last time.

My lips are steady
My heart is heavy
It's time for you to realize
This one last kiss
Is your one last wish.
It's been years of slow passage
But you've remained hallow
And Ive swollowed my breath
Until now.
It only hurts when Im breathing.
So take my pain in your chest
As taste your rest of your life,
within I,
Your Angel of your eye.




(no subject)

The challenge, the hurt, the enjoyment, and everything else that goes along with life. It hit's you hard. I can't be sure of what to do for college, I want to take in everyone elses opinions, and then try to find my own will. It is not simple. I was doing so great, my uncle was proud. How have I upset everyone, Why did I find the little dark wholes and sgrung myself through them. My own opinion I am doing good still, but I have made a disappointment out of myself. I can feel the sadness. I haven't felt this in a long time, and it is here, overpowering. I want to be alone again, I feel embarressed, and I dont want to show my face. For a minute I though staying in FL, would better my future, I thought it could be cheaper, but I was wrong. I can't get caught up in a circle of confussion, and I am heading that way. I feel low, and I need to gain spirit and wisdom. My excitement for college is still burning. I want more education, I want to achieve the higher standings. Where though? I ask myself these questions. But it is this time, every few months I loose apart of me, and I feel drowned. It is bothering me. Rick says I am not home anymore. I get bored, maybe that is not normal. I dont know. Usually when I say I dont know, I follow with the saying "And I dont care", but this time I really do.

I am working, and I was saving, then I screwed that up. I bought things, for people I care about, alexys, father's day, a little shopping, and my nails/toes...... wow there I go fucking up things I am trying to achieve. I have 400 in my pocket, I need to add that to my bank and not touch jack shit. I need money, I need to do something and get serious about it.
It kills me to look in my father, and now my uncles eyes, and see I have made a serious mistake, I am now a dissapointment. GOD! I am on the verge of breaking. I try so hard, I seriously do. But I fuck up, big or small, I fuck up. And it makes me want to give up, but I never have. But I feel weak. I know this will only be my emotion for a small portion of time, but the point is I am alive, and I am experiencing it now.

I guess I am left with one decision. INDIANA.

I have to go now. I really do. Good or bad, Doubt or none, I have to go. I want to be here but I want to experience it up there also. I dont want to hold back from my family. I have learned that the one true unconditional love is :family: even if you feel you hate them, they are the one's who will always be apart of you, forever more.
I feel if I leave, I am saying goodbye.
Maybe goodbye is a good thing. I have to put up a wall, and not crumble.

I dont know what I am even trying to say to myself, or what I am trying to prove. I am here a month now, only a month.
I sail away.......................

I just want to make everyone proud.
But I cant do that, if myself, is not even proud