Stupid thought of the day:
They go around in gangs and instead of beating people to death for fun, make their skin clearer by holding them down and scrubbing their faces with pumice stones. The screams of the victims as they're going down, thinking they're about to be killed, then, after the treatment, "Tea tree oil aftershave? I fucking HATE tea tree oil! I smell like a bloody hippy! Damn you droogs!"
So there's this guy I like. He lives in NJ, this is accessible to me via a commuter train that runs about once an hour but stops at 11 PM.
We almost met up this weekend but lots of shitty things happened. I think that God was maybe pissing on him for the whole weekend. We didn't get to meet up even though we had been talking on the phone every day for a week and we skyped twice and damn I want to meet up with him so very badly.
I don't let a little "reality" get in the way of what I want. So here goes.
He is negative, though, pessimistic - and bad at planning.
So I have to plan it all. But not tell him because he won't agree to it because now he thinks us meeting up is "destined" to not happen or something. But fate doesn't exist and destiny was invented by warlords who wanted their soldiers to die for them, so HERE IT IS and I am so excited.
1. I take the train out there immediately after work.
2. I call him on the phone while on the train/platform and warn him that I am about to steal him from his life and put him into my life for a night. Tell him to pack an overnight bag.
3. I don't own a car and have never had a license. There is a cab service in the town. I get a cab from the train station to his house.
4. I show up at his house and force him to come in the cab with me. If he refuses than I try to talk him into it in the meantime and call another cab. (I have a friend who lives in the area if worse comes to worse and I need to be rescued or something.)
5. If he comes along with me in that cab to the train to the city, ADVENTURE WILL BE HAD.
6. If he does not come along with me in that cab, at all, then I go home to the city and I never try to meet up with his pessimistic ass again. And I go to this party that my friend said was also happening Friday night and drink him out of my memory. And know for certain that we don't match up.
(Spontanaeity is fun god damn it. Being spontaneous is why I met him in the first place.)
7. And I don't tell him about this plan until Friday afternoon. \m/
OK so a new fully-formed character just came to my head and started giving me first-person dialogue and a fully-realized storyline for the first time in maybe a decade. I decided to write it down, but no, still don't consider myself a full-fledged writer. Will work on it extensively though. Feeling good about this...
I had a dream that I was in the film industry. Some geeky backend part of production. Living in Los Angeles. It was like NYC but flatter, and more colorful, and everything on the edges looked like a film set.
I went out to lunch with a random imaginary coworker.
All of our conversation was done in media industry specific lingo. This way of speaking colored every single word. And it went deeper. Our thoughts themselves were in the structures and the styles of the media industry. Last night I dreamed that I had a thoroughly different and highly specialized mind.
I ran across a man who exists in real life (whose online name is also a name for an ankle bone. I had dated him for about 18 months in the middle of my college career. It ended a long time ago now.) He was older and fatter. He disdainfully glanced at me. We had a brief conversation where it was very clear that he thought absolutely nothing of me. I was so hurt. (My mind was different in this dream, but my heart was clearly the same.) I was barely worthy of speaking to, apparently.
Damn it, dreams, why you gotta poke a wound like that? I guess it makes complete sense. That was my last happy relationship, still. And a short term dating person just broke it off with me sooner than I would have liked, and it reminded me: I hate how the cycle of dating turns wonderful new people into utter shit. It's downright wrong.
(I guess I know why dreams do that. To teach you and remind you. Awesome, actually! So glad they exist!)
Fuck romantic passion. It sucks. It destroys everything. If I could live without it I so would. Learning to rely on it less, to find thrills and passion in other things, and it's working- art and job and friends are taking the importance of boys over slowly- but it's a slow process to completely re-work ones' internal wiring (after one realizes that it's destructive.)
One step at a time...Sigh...I can do it.