Log in

No account? Create an account
_babe_exposed's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]

I love Josh & KK Doughnuts.

Cause everytime I gotta go, I look into your eyes and then I know you'll be waiting for me, and no matter how long that may be I know that you're always there for me. Oh baby, I can't wait until I have you here.

info & friends & past & Link
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[31 Aug 2005|09:17pm]
This journal is closed as of 6/27/05. I may reopen it, I may not.

I ♥ everyone.

Sorry kiddos! [31 Aug 2005|12:00pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com Image hosted by Photobucket.com

this livejournal is FRIENDS ONLY.

comment to be added.

if you would like me to join your community, you may post it here.

stampsCollapse )

I am the maintainer/moderator for __ew___martha.


[07 Jun 2005|11:30pm]
God this is the hardest thing.

[05 Mar 2005|02:47pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Let’s make this public.

My father is committing adultery, and has been for God knows how long. He is currently with a woman named Denise. She is forty-one years old and is from Palermo, Maine. She has been married two times and has two children, whom she left to come live with my father. Her first marriage took place when she was TWENTY-THREE years old to a FIFTY-SIX year old man. They stayed together for seven years, and once they got a divorce, she married her second husband a few days later. As far as I know, they were together for seven years also; but I could be wrong. Actually, they could still be legally married. In Maine, you can get a divorce after only sixty days of being separated.

My mother hired a private investigator.

He has been working for us for about a month now, and last night my mother called him to see if he had any more evidence. He told us WE HAD THEM. He advised my mother to call him that night and inform him of everything we knew.

"Just wanted to let you know that that Amy and I know you are committing adultery. I can now sue you for abandonment, adultery, alienation of affection, and just to let you know that you need to give up your parental rights, because Amy is not going to be visiting you and you being in an adulterous relationship. And by the way..."

He called back a few minutes later.
"...you got any proof of this?!"
"I sure do! I've got a private investigator, you wanna talk to him?! I just got off the phone with him! You wanna talk to him?!"
"Yeah, I’ll talk to him!"
"Okay then, I just got off the phone with him."
"Yeah, call him, call me back, tell him to call me back!"
"Okay I sure will!"
"Alright, bye."

My mom called the PI. The PI called him.
Then, he called again.

"... listen, alright, okay. Amy ain't wanting to see me; you get a hold of Susan Grey and you won't own me that three-thousand dollars. I don't want no part of you."
"We don't want no part of you 'cause you're an adulteress and a whore! And so is your little slut, Denise!" "Now, you get your attorney Susan Grey to write it out I don't want no part of you anymore, Carol."
"We don't want no part of you either."
"Alright, you get her to draw it up. Bye."

After that, we called his mother.
I'm not going into details.

Once again, we called the PI.
He said he would give up his parental rights and we would pay him no money.
He said "I'll sign it all over!"
That's the bottom line.I'm not going into further details.


This appalls me.


Denise has been using multiple aliases to instant message me. Once, she claimed to be a fifteen year old girl that lived up North, named Alisha. Another time, she claimed to be a seventeen year old girl that went to East Forsyth. The dumb bitch forgot to erase her directory entry on AIM before IMing me. It read:

Name: denise
State: me

After IMing me she erased it. That's when I asked her name; and she claimed to be "Alisha."

I also believe my father was using aliases to IM me. Other than his "real" screen names. I don't know that for a fact though. I do know for a fact that Denise was IMing me.

SLUTBAG. How dare they think I’m stupid enough to fall for their bullshit?!

I intend on telling Denise off. Possibly, my father too.




[25 Jan 2005|08:28pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

Photo LJ: unattain__able. I added everyone. Add me if you wish. [Most] entries will be public.


... [02 Jan 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

I’m debating whether to make this post friends only or public. For now, I think it’ll be public. I’ll leave it public for a while, then once I think it's served it's purpose, I’ll make it friends only.


Don’t comment with questions. Unless this is addressed to you. And if you don't know who this is addressed to, don't take this word for word. Please, you'll confuse yourself. It's probably not who you're thinking of anyways.


I've wanted to do this for a while now. So here it goes.


My life has always been planned out. I used to know where I’d (hopefully) be in ten years. I knew I wanted to be married. I wanted to be a psychologist. I wanted a house with a white picket fence. I wanted a dog that looked like a mop. I was {?}guaranteed{?} a long, happy life. Now I’ve lost all that. I have no idea where my life is going. But that’s what I wanted, right? To have an unpredictable life? I suppose so. I didn’t want my life to be planned out. Things can change in a split second. I didn’t want my hopes to be so high that once they were brought down I’d be in total despair. I didn’t want to be committed at such a young age. And I still don’t want that. What do I really want? I want what I once {?}had{?}. But who am I to say that this was true love? Who am I to say that this was true? But more importantly, I don’t know. I don’t know if it was real, I don’t know if who I loved was real.  I could have been living a lie. I could have given it all away for nothing. I could be forever waiting on someone who will never come. But in that case, I suppose I have no one to blame but myself... and you; for making me believe. My own stupidity would have done this to me. But on the other hand, it could have been real. It could have been everything it was said to be. And more. I could have been with the one person whom I had such strong feelings for. I could have looked past all of the obstacles. I could have looked past the outside appearance. Or could I? I thought I could have in the beginning... but then my determination slowly turned into weariness. But, if I knew for a fact this was real I wouldn’t care what lied ahead of us. We would find a way. No matter what.  But unfortunately, I just don’t know.


Some facts add up, some don’t. Some things I’ve been told to be real, are so bizarre, it almost leads me to believe that in fact, this has love has been a lie. My faith in God is slowly diminishing. But let’s not get into that. Then again, some things that happen are so ironic; I’m almost convinced that this was real. Some things that were told to me seem to be backed up with {?}facts{?}. A few nights ago, I broke down. I prayed to God. I begged him to give me a sign (or signs) that would show me whether or not this was real. Several things have happened since then… and they all point to yes; yes this was real.


But why do I still care? It makes me sick to think about all you've done. {?}You{?} betrayed me countless times for Christ’s sake! You changed my family’s view on me forever, you caused my relationships suffering, you caused me to inflict harm upon myself, you caused me to change myself, you made me feel like once we were through my life would be pointless. And maybe you were right. I assure you, it’s not easy having no one, not even family, once the person you love most has betrayed you. How dare you betray me like this?! I’m beginning to feel these words of love turn into words of hate. But I could never hate you like I want to. I doubt you feel the same. But I won’t tell you how you feel, mainly because I have no idea how you feel.


Now that I look back it doesn’t seem like love. I wonder why I did some of the things I did, why I put up with some of the things I did. I cannot stress that enough. All the fights, lies, cuts, betrayal, and lost hopes… but this is *love*, make it hurt. It seems to me if you’re in love with someone like you said you were in love with me you wouldn’t do anything to cause pain or anxiety for the person. Especially countless times. You made yourself look faultless while you made me look completely immoral. I would have never done anything to you like what {?}you’ve{?} done to me. Whether you choose to believe it or not, it’s true. I just don’t understand. Maybe you could explain.


I suppose this is for the best. {?}You{?} decided our fate; since you were the one who betrayed me. There were just so many things not going for us. But if you would have actually changed like you swore you did we could have gotten through it. If you "changed" why were things only getting worse? Why were lies and betrayal still the focal point of our relationship? Only you can answer that.


I'm sorry for some of the things I've said and done to you but you must realize when enough emotion builds up the slightest thing will send you over the edge.


I suppose I don't regret anything. I've learned a few things. I don't know...

((posting this is a regretful mistake & it will most likely be used against me)).


I only ask one thing. Please respond to this. By comment, e-mail, phone, letter, etc., whichever you perfer. Tell me the t r u t h. Yes, the honest to God truth. Tell me if this was real... or if I was just living a lie, helplessly falling in love with someone who isn't real. This is the only thing I want to know. Then, if you want me out of your life forever, you got it. I'm practically begging you. -Just don't use this to your advantage-. All I want is the truth. I won't get angry or depressed or anything. I just need to know. Please. Oh, and if you lie to me; eventually I'll find out, and once I do you'll never see me or hear from me again. I promise. 


((I guess this means))


Don't forget it.




Thank you, I suppose.

[ viewing | most recent entries ]