[

mood

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cheerful

]

My name is Ann and I am 45 years
of age. I had always been single
and had been hoping to get into a
nice, loving relationship for many
years. While kind of daydreaming
(and right after receiving this email)
I wished that a quality person would
finally come into my life. That was at
9:10 AM on a Tuesday. At 9:55 AM
a FedEx delivery man came into my
office.He was cute, polite and
could not stop smiling at me. He
started coming back almost everyday
(even without packages) and asked me
out a week later. We married 6
months later and now have been
happily married for 2 years.

[

mood

|

happy

]

I wasn't going to go to this car wash for my grade, in fact I didn't even give it a second thought after i saw the posters for it. But then Angela was like you have to do this with me! and the next day she signed me up. So since I was signed up I figured I go and check it out. I slept over Angelas house the day before and had some nice blueberry muffins this morning. When we were walking to the place where this car wash was taking place, we saw LL and his girlfriend driving away from his house lol! It was so funny, he was all pimped out in an oversized blue polo. And his dog was out and was like following us and whimpering at us lol, I wanted to pet it but i'm kinda deathly afraid of dogs even though i think they are adorable. He reminded me of Betoveen the dog like a LOT, kinda freaky the similarites actually. Well when we got there there was a nice majority of people and we all got along, I even got along with people that I've had diffuclties with in the past, it was nice. And I had sooo much fun. Like i got covered in soap thanks to Larry for squirting me a bigillion times, lol. And I got soaked, it was freezing but worth it. Food was brought and even though the music was N'Sync(not a big fan) and Micheal Jackson, I enjoyed it just because it was soo great for car washing. I loved how everyone was spraying everyone and stuff, it was liek a mini war and it was soo much fun. Not in a million years could I ever imagine that i would have so much fun at a car wash for my school...me and Angela were surprised lol. And then when we got back to her house we were beat, her dad made us this huge lunch which was great and soo needed, lol. Then we just relaxed and then dropped me off and got chais!!
We all cleaned a fire truck(two) but one was 85...how fucking great.
And Angelas nieghbor had a bonfire and it got out of control hahaha. And we both did cartwheels in front of LL's house.





If you could choice a book to entertain you for a long time would you pick a picture book or chapter book? I think chapter because you can always imagine new pictures in your head each time.

[

mood

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artistic

]

I actually started writing a book...or a long story, whatever you wish to call it. It's a sort of memoir i guess you could call it, I'm unsure of what to call it. For now it is merely a work of Lindsey Davenport, and I'm proud of that enough. I always wanted to start a book and this one is going really good, I think I started it wonderfully, and I think that's always a good sign you'll do okay in your writing. We'll see what happens, I have a year and a half to recapture, lets see where it goes.

I think the fans of The Green Pickle Fan Club are negleting it and forgetting to visit such a club and should do so soon...lol.

Well I'm tired and just going to post this because I have WORK tomorrow which completely sucks but hey, I'm probably going to have some fun after work...I always find a way to make my day better, let me tell you...

[

mood

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tired

]

I woke up late, this is my second time in the past two weeks, I use to love waking up early and just relaxing in the morning before school and sometimes enjoy a cup of tea and just relax. But now i barely get enough sleep and my life revolves around things that barely do anything for me in life, except maybe make me happy for a little while. I need to get out more and do more, I'm not saying I don't do a lot because I do do quite a lot of things with my friends, but I don't know, something just seems to be missing. I want more out of life, more than what I'm getting. i want to experience new things and not do to much of the same thing. I want to learn things and be very intelligent, I want so much out of life and yet, I'm just sitting here. Of course, I really can't help my lack of transportion, but still I can still be doing a lot more with my time than waste it on things i've done so many times before or that seriously hold no important meaning. I want to get out and do more, more than what I am doing. I want to fill this empty feeling I have in this life.

Work is bad. It's to hectic for me, and I barely know what to do half the time and my boss tells me one thing to do and then another and its so confusing to comphrend because she can't make her mind up about which one she wants me to do first and I don't know what to do next. This leads to frustration on both sides. I also need less hours. I'm a freshman at high school and I have big projects to complete, let alone start and I just need more time on my hands so I can enjoy life and get everything done without rushing it. I believe rush should never be rushed, but here I am going against my own words.

[

mood

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awake

]

We had a lock down at school today and all i could think of was how someone might one day go through our schools with a gun and threaten our lives. i mean i coudl easily get shot for simply being in the way or i could get shot because I did something to someone and they hated me so much they would risk the rest of their life to take mine. It's interesting to think about. I don't think I would be killed for being mean though because I seriously don't do anything to people. It's just so scary to think about how you as a single person can affect someones life or how a single person can affect your life. i hope a school shooting never happens in our school, that would be so scary, and i hope I'll never be the cause for something so terrible.

Brandon, Janine, and Angela all got to sleepover, I love it how Brandon sleeps over lol. It's so much more interesting and lets just say entertaining. ( Crazy in love oh boy) and well its a good time.

[

mood

|

crappy

]

I am no getting enough sleep, it's disgusting. I feel asleep in the shower yesterday, the shower. I woke up yesterday at 7ish PM and started to get dress thinking I was late for school, and the same thing happened at 530 AM this morning. My mom let me stay home so I could catch up on my sleep and rest, I got some after I woke up but I was too shaken up to go back to sleep. I think I might be having like bad dreams or something, because it has been so hard for me to go to sleep and if i wake up i can't go back to sleep like my body is refusing to let me sleep. I don't remember any dreams but that doesn't mean they aren't happening. I don't know what it is. All I know is I want my old normal sleeping patterns, I'm sick of this new way i sleep, I get so frustrated about it.




I miss autumn and everything that was with it.

[

mood

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confused

]

I hate making decisions and now I feel like I'm being forced to make a really big decision that could hurt someone or two people. I really don't want to hurt anyone, I just want things to be okay and still have my friends as friends. i hate how confusing this whole thing is, I mean I like my friend but I don't think i could ever be with him. And the other one, well we weren't really friends from teh beginning, we started off I guess you could say flirting, I hate that word so much. I hope no one gets hurt even though I know someone will.

I'm so god damn sensitive.

[

mood

|

indescribable

]

Went to Red Bank twice this weekend, major fun.
Steve is an awesome guy, he bought cookies and Janine ate one and we ate the rest, lol.
The Wall is so the new meeting point, and it will entertain you while you wait for friends.
Riley likes hugging a lot. Speaking of hugs, got a lot yesterday, I love how Red Bank is so simple and normal with hugging. And they give good hugs there. And I love it how people I barely know hug me. This kid Vinny while introducing himself started giving me a hug, and i got hugs from people I don't even know the names of.
Dunkin Dounuts was fun, that little 8th grader who looked 17 was so much fun and Steve and Riley lifted me up lol. I flied!!!
Firecrackers are cool in the dark.
An attractive guy liked chais at the Icafe and was nice. Hopefully I'll see him again.
Steve climbed a wall yesterday and it was 2 story building and he almost fell, lol, it must be hard to climb pipes.
I don't remember a lot lol, I did to much which is awesome so it's cool i don't remember,lol.
3 vanilla chais in 3 days.

I feel so unattractive today.
I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. I may not be in school, bitches.

[

mood

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confused

]

I'm so confused about a lot.
People are randomly say hi to me on the streets of Red Bank knowing I'm Desi's little sister which bugs me.
People are whispering and glancing over at me.
This kid in my grade stares at me and is seriously scaring me.
I don't understand what happened in the summer, it was perfect and know it is so different like nothing ever happened.
I still get butterflies everytime I'm in the same room as him.
I think I might be starting to like someone else but I'm not sure how I feel becuase it's a confusing situation, to me anyway.
Some kid I don't even talk to at school IMed me and then didn't talk to me at all. And I don't know how he got my sn.
I don't understand some people and I don't understand what I did wrong.

Yeah, this is mostly the stuff I'm confused about. A lot of people probably won't get it, but oh well.

[

mood

|

creative

]

I'm grounded, for the first time lol. Mmy mom is allowing me online for one hour which is very nice of her. It doesn't even feel like I'm grounded, me and my mom are nice to each otehr adn everything is normal except I'm not on thephone with my friends and omputer all day. Which really sucks, and plus I don't know how long this is going to be, because my mom didn't tell me my grounded time.

SChool is almost here. I can't believe break is almost over, and I barely got hang out with everyone I wanted to, but i still got to see a lot of my friends which is good. And me and Janine finally took Becca to MA which was a success, it was so much fun and when me and Janine are not grounded we will soooo take her again. lol. On a Sunday so he can remember everything by school or on a school night lol, and then sleep over Janine's house on go on Manor's bus stop. That could be fun. haha.

I wonder how Fed-Ex's break went.

[

mood

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uncomfortable

]

I really wouldn't mind being Kevin's friend. The thought has popped in my head a lot and he seems like a great guy. I know its random but i really want to be his friend, lol. I wouldn't mind a lot of people being my friend but I don't think they would want me as a friend. A lot of people have been not wanting me as a friend lately. I don't understnad why, but I guess something is wrong with me because obivlious if it keeps happening it isn't the other person. Or maybe it is a coencidence. This world is a very unlikey one.






Debatable love.

[

mood

|

weird

]

Songwriters was fun tonight. New peoplez, they seem cool. I noticed i need to make better comments lol. I read this poem i wrote in math class and it was like the most truthful poem I've ever written, so i was a little hesitant on reading it, but i did. Bryan: Thought it was something for a drama thing. Like this thing which I forgot what it was called but it's like an opening or something for an actor...something like that. It starts with a m, I'll ask my drama teacher when I take drama. Angus: Said it reminded him of something he has written...it's strange that whenever i read something he says he has something that is like it, I'm thinking of talking to him more...maybe we have more in common than I think. And he also told me i have the same name as a tennis player, which of course I've known for years lol. Erik: He told me if this as a true poem then he felt sorry for my boyfriend, lol. But he mis understood my poem because it is about someone I love but I can't get over and there is someone else who could distract me but he always wins over everyone else. And then this guy that I didn't talk to liek the whoe time tlaked to me when i was leaving. He was outside and I'm nice and like to say bye to everyone even if i haven't talked to them all night, so I said bye to him. He said bye and was like "I like your poem" and i said thanks and then he asked me if it was true. I told him it is but not the whole boyfriend thing that Erik talked about, lol. It's kinda funny how the only time a poem is all true someone asks me if it is true. People just assume it is, and never really get the real story behind it. Most of my poems are half true and then end off eing someething I made up that I wrote just becuse it goes. And yes Janine I do notice the trues. Other people said stuff but I forget so yeah. It was just cool that someone actually asked instead of assumed. It was just kinda akward explaining this poem even if I barely got into the whoel thing, lol.

Co, I got you some of the copies but there wasn't enough, but i tried. HAHA, hope you enjoy the ones I got you and I'm bringing them into school tomorrow so you can read the ones that i couldn't get for you.

Band field trip today. i think Ab is noticing me more which could be something. But a lot of people keep thinking I'm a pothead and it's making kinda uncomfortable. Donovan said iwas (joke, I know but still), this kid Louie asked me randomly and probably still thinks i do pot everyday, Jeff saked me, and someone else i just forget, lol. But it's getting weird. So stop asking me if I do pot because I don't dammit! And how could I? i act so hyper and if i did pot iwuld be super mellow...so please people put two and two together...geez.

[

mood

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sad

]

I love you because you're everything I want,



but



I hate you because I'll never have you




(Why do you do this to me?)

[

mood

|

disappointed

]

What a week. I finally talked to Harry,what a cocky bastard. Atleast I talked to him. I've really been building up my confidence these past couple of days. I mean I've done things that I would question myself for hours wondering if I should or shouldn't. But I'm also careful not to take my confidence to far, that would be a bad thing. I think I'm trying so hard to get confidence so I can talk to AB, hopefully I will be able to. It's so hard to approach him, I think that will be the hardest thing, approaching, but you have to start somewhere. I'm not even going to tlak about this becuase it is all I talk about here and I want to have a fresh interesting entry, lol.

I'm kinda excited about my band concert coming up, how dorky is that? I don't even know why I'm looking forward to it...I just am. Band is a lot of fun this year. Last year there was so many people and i always hung out with the same people and I never made new friends, but this year I keep making new friends in band and outside of Band but to give an example.

I have almost walked into Kevin two times this week, lol. And one time I didn't even say anything! haha, i just stood there, it was so funny.

It doesn't feel like Christmas season. this is my favorite holiday and no matter how much I try to push myself and have fun and make my December Chritsmasy, it just doesn't feel like Christmas. FOr the past like holidays it didn't even feel like the holiday was a holiday. Thanksgiving I went to PA and had this great dinner but it didn't feel like THanksgiving. I love holidays but lately, they haven't been holidays. i wonder what's wrong with me, i don't understand why this is happening. I just want things to be fun and normal like they use to be on holidays and other speical days, I miss it, and i feel like my life is going by even faster missing out on these holidays.

It's been one year...and I feel like I've known him for so much longer. :(

[

mood

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weird

]

I'm going to try to update more, I have just been so busy...believe it or not lol. Songwriter's was fun last night, I kept having laughing spasms on the mic, haha. It was very random last night, lol. Paul's song has to be my absolute favorite Christmas song...and Eric's "I Hate Christmas" one. Boy oh boy, I love that group.

OMG, today I have been trying to boost my confidence, well I have been trying for a while but today i took action. I saw Jeff randomly playing gutair in the hall and I was like why not start talking to people i don't talk to much so I can get use to talking to people? So I said while passing him, "O yea, that's real sexy Jeff." and he laughed and said Thanks lol. And then it will be Harry who i talk to, which will be easy because I have a plan lol, yes a plan to talk to Harry...his staring is creepy me out and I just need to make the weirdness go away. I also talked to AJ randomly, lol, i asked him if he neeeded help with the drums. I'm so proud of myself, lol. But I think the main reason I'm trying to boost up my confidence is for AB, i want to talk to him again. And if we can't pick up from where we left off, why can't we start over? Either way I need to talk to him. Everyday I go without talking to him I kick myself and I wonder..."What would have happened if i talked to him TODAY?" I keep asking myself the same questions and I'm going crazy without the answers so I'm going to make the answers happen. And I don't think I even care about gettting embaressed anymore. I just need my questions answered...and hopefully start over, or pick up from where we left off. I just need to close this part of my life, the depressing, questioning myself, and kicking myself all the time part of my life. I really think I'm still in love with him. The other day I heard his name and I got butterflies in my stomach. And i was walking behind him today and I looked at the back of his hand and silently asked Why? i can't stop thinking aobut him, and I wrote him a letter...but i think i'm going to try to start talking to him before i give him it.

OMG me and Angela were walking down C hall after school yesterday and Harry is walking all by himself and once we spotted him we stopped talking, lol. We always try to say hi so this weirdness can stop but it always ends in akward silence. Okay, so the way we look at him makes it look like we are really nervous and OMGish, which looks like we like him. But we really don't, yea he is good looking, but please...he's to extreme for me. lol. So while he walked past us he laughed. lol. Not a laughing at us laugh but a aww it's so cute how these girls like me and act so shy around me laugh. It's so funny how he thinks we like him so much. I saw him in the weight room today, omg. First time we looked in he saw us and then the second time i am speaking loudly while approching the weight room and I said" I look dead on, right into the weight room!" ANd when I looked in Harry was standing right near the doorway and I looked in and I think he heard me, lol. He had a confused look on his face. HAHA.

Well well, I'm am going to the Inkwell soon with a bunch of random people, I can't wait! WOO HOO! lol.