Log in

No account? Create an account
_assilaxesor's Journal
20 most recent entries

Date:2008-11-21 13:35
Mood: excited

yay for becoming secretary of human services :)
i'm excited, last years officers did NOTHINGG, but this year I feel like we really are going to get a lot more accomplished

yay for getting my internship at head start, i'm excited about it. i'm thinking for my next one i'll go to the department of human services

yay for twilight coming out today, i need to go see it when samantha comes home

hopefully i'll get my independent study & life will be even better than it already is.

post a comment

Date:2008-11-11 02:22
Mood: gloomy

This Saturday I have my meeting with my dean to set up my first internship in the winter. I'm so excited, and so ready. I want to start doing what I'm actually going to school for NOW, instead of making pizzas everyday.
Even though I'm only in my 2nd year of school I really do feel ready to begin my career, I'm so excited to just start..I'm sick of writing papers, exams,  and "role playing". I mean I do love my program, my teachers, and the girls..but I'm ready for more noww. I really want to look into becoming a social workers assistant before I get my degree, but it doesn't seem like there's many around. I would love to do that right now though, I would love to do anythingg pertaining to my degree which is the whole point of the internship I suppose.

i don't even know why i'm updating this thing but i can't sleep and just felt like venting

the other weekend caitlyn and i ended up going over josh's to hang out with him and my brother and all them boys..i have no idea why i thought it wouldn't be weird, of course it would be. i practically lived at that house for a year..and going there again felt like ..going back to a house you moved out of, and all the same stuff is there, except it's not your home anymore? if that makes sense, it's hard to explain. it didn't help that me and josh exchanged the same jokes just as nothing has changed. i don't understand how people are 'friends' with their exes..i mean it would be nice but, once you have a relationship with someone it's too hard/weird to just be friends..i don't know how people do it?

the whole point of us breaking up was that i wanted to be on my own
" find myself"
so..what have i found?


not this summer but next i'm almost positive i'm going to costa rica/ nicaragua to volunteer, i wouldd go this summer but i need to work and save money & the trip costs a bit of money as well so i would need to save

i'm so happy obama won.. i was going through some old papers and found one that i wrote on his health care plan a few months ago and smiled at the thought that it can now come to life

i'm really looking forward to thanksgiving break
even though this will be my first thanksgiving not eating meat
i still love the potatos and all that good stuff, and i'm looking forward to the break from school

i really really want to move out soon
i know that i should save more money though first

i really need to decide what i'm going to after i get my associates
i hear from everyone that although it's almost impossible to transfer credits from baker, it's very easy to transfer a degree if that makes sense? but who knows. of course i'm going for my bachelors i just don't know if i want to do it there or not yet. i really do like the program and the people but i'm craving a change..new people, more people more like me. there's only a few girls at school that i really get along with. heather nap, erica who has a 3 kids, and steph who is married and all settled down and they're just at such different points in their lives, which is okay but it makes me feel out of the loop sometimes. like should i really be settling down right now? so many of my friends are in serious relationships and i feel like i'm the only one that just wants to do my own thing . i'm more into being on my own lately, volunteering,  .. i want to travel..i just want to be young but i wish i had more people around me that were like me, that i could relate to.

umm. i don't know
this entry was really haphazard and all over the place, haa.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-11-04 15:01
Mood: nervous

I voted.
Now all that's left to do is prayyyy.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2008-03-25 20:11
Subject:stuff to save

sites to save

Becoming Vegan by Brenda Davis

The Food Revolution- John Robbins

post a comment

Date:2008-03-25 15:48
Mood: happy

 I think I forgot I even had a livejournal..

Well. I'm on spring break, and I've been spending it working out and reading. It feels really nice.
I just recently read the Twilight series and I'm in loveeeee. The next book doesn't come out until in August and that makes me a bit sad..it's the types of books where you're almost scared to read something else after it because you just know nothing else can compare.

Even though I love school, it's nice to just chill out. I'm so happy with where I'm at in my life right now..of course there could be some changes likee having my own place, but in time it will happen. I just have to be a bit more patient,

I love the fact that I've found what I want to do with the rest of my life, and that going to school for it has just gotten me even more excited about it. I guess in a way, I don't know what I exactly want to do, because there's a lot of things you can do with a Human Services degree, but I'm starting to really narrow it down. I now know I don't want to work in the Substance Abuse area..i've used too many substances myself to really be able to help someone else find sobriety.

What else is new..mmm well, I've started meditating. I always have, but I think it's really gone to the next level. It's a very eye opening and peaceful practice. 

I've been in a relationship for the last six months with a wonderful boy who treats me like a princess..
I remember when I was so stand-offish. I never had any relationships..and lately its just been one, two, three..Josh definitely came at a time in my life where I was not only ending one relationship, but also trying to move on from a former. The timing was a bit crazy, but also good for me. He also was just getting out of a relationship, so it allowed us to go slow and move at our own pace, which was nice for a change.

Josh is three years older than me, which I love. He's really quite a 'hippie' with his beliefs and views, which I also love. He has his own place, which is where I am most of the time..and I have great conversations with him. He's mature and even if we don't always agree on everything, we have very friendly debates that always end in kisses :) haa. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I always knew the boys that I was around in highschool and such were never really right for me..and I'm happy to have found Josh.

If there's anything that I've learned about love is that it doesn't last forever. At least, in some cases. I can't really say it doesn't because I look at my parents who have been together for 20 years and counting and are still in love, waltzing around holding hands and kissing like they're teenagers back in highschool. So in a way, I guess I do believe love CAN last, but at the same time I've grown to believe that certain people come into our lives at certain times and for that amount of time, we are meant to be..we learn from them, and from the relationship, we grow from them, we get hurt and get stronger from them, and then we learn how to move on and how to survive because of them. I'm not saying it always is this way, if I thought that it would have been impossible to open my heart up to Josh, but that's my view on relationships right now.

Could I see myself one day moving in with Josh, maybe even marrying him? Sure,  I can..but I also have been able to see it before. I don't have my guard up, but I've also learned to be independent and realize that even if I am alone, I can be just as happy...sort of :)

Anyway, enough about that. Other news is that I'm going to be a God Mom. My best friend is pregnant..pretty crazy. I'm just going to keep being there for her, and supporting her in her decision to keep her baby. I'm also throwing her a baby shower in October.

That's pretty much it for now..but I think I'll start updating more often

4 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-09-05 02:57
Subject:can't sleep

sometimes, i want to be able to hate people
or just not like them at least

but i can't..

i'm weird.

i can't hate anyone
i can barely dislike anyone
i don't know why..
but for as long as i can remember
i've always been able to see the good in people
i've always been able to see that
people are just people
they are not perfect
they have flaws
they will mess up
they will let you down
but at the end of the day,
they are just
they make mistakes, they screw up, they do hurtful things but that's just what people do sometimes

obviously i'm not talking about anything serious
like not being able to hate someone who is a psychopathic killer

i can't really describe it.
you know how sometimes when you watch a show
and you might really like one person, but not the other
like 'team lc' or 'team heidi'
well, i can never pick just one favorite
even the bitchy one, that no one likes
like lacey, on the rock of love, i love her, haha..

that's not really a good explaination

how about this for example
the girl, that my boyfriend at the time, cheated on me with
i think she's one of the coolest girls
i don't hate her
i don't even dislike her..

now i sound crazy.

but i can't help it
i always see some kind of good in people
even in people that hate me, or don't like me
even when someone has done something wrong to me
i can't hate them
sometimes i wish i wasn't like this
it's tiring, in ways i can't really describe

but i've just always been this way
whether good or bad, i guess it's just who i am...

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-08-10 00:08

finally lost 10 pounds.

post a comment

Date:2007-08-09 01:03

this time last year.... :/
i can't pretend like it doesn't still hurt.

2 comments | post a comment

Date:2007-08-08 12:27


post a comment

Date:2007-08-04 14:28

i haven't been updating much. this summer has been consisting of working, and hanging out with ang and cait a lot :D
umm wednesday i believe a bunch of us went to the drive in, which was fun..besides me having to pee in the bushes lmffao.
thursday me britney cait & ang left for wixom
some of my family was already up there
the first night was kind of boring & cait and britney fell asleep really early
me and ang were laying there
i couldn't sleep
before i know it, were in the car, sneaking out & driving all the way back to roseville
"what are we doing with our lives?!"lmffao
we seen some lights, that i thought was an ambulance but noo , we got pulled over and ali gets herself a ticket!! the cop was really nice though, i was doing 14 over and he only wrote me a ticket for 5 overr.

so we get back to roseville in a half hour. went to mikeys
we stayed there for a while and then we left & drove slater & josh all over roseville
 we got back to wixom around 4 and then passed outt

the next day was soo hott
 we went to the beach all day
went into town
then we all started drinking except for cait, because she wasn't feeling well
sooo, eventually we get bored
and decide we want to go back home, again lmffao
so we went back home & stayed at britneys for the night <3

this morning we woke up, us four went and ate at coney
went back upnorth, packed up all of our stuff, and came home haha

tonight= grad partys with the lovely ladies

p.s. you make my heart melt 

post a comment

Date:2007-07-22 18:23
Subject:break me down

everything keeps knocking me down, but i keep getting right back up

it's time for ali to stand on her own again
even though i'm broken
i feel strong.

the second heartbreak isn't as bad as the first
the first one you feel like you're never going to be able to make it
but then you learn that you can
& that you will be ok

i'm so happy & lucky
to have the best friends that i do
just a handful of girls
that i would do anything for
if i didn't have them i don't know where i'd be
my girls always & forever<3

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2007-07-20 19:20
Mood: cheerful

i've lost 8 pounds!
i can't really telll when i look at myself
but i feellll healthier

life is ok
could be better
could be worse

but i have a feeling, things are only going to get better...

hanging out w/ cait ang & swit tonight i believe

post a comment

Date:2007-07-09 23:45

happy 11 months thomas<33 

i've lost four lbs.
slowlyyy but surely :D

i'm excited for upnorth
i won't have to work and i can just relax and go to the beach and spend time with cait & the fam
mmm : ]

post a comment

Date:2007-07-07 03:15

i laughed i smiled i cried my heart out

the pact by jodi picoult

read it read it read it.

post a comment

Date:2007-07-01 14:07

how can something feel so wrong but yet so right at the same time?

post a comment

Date:2007-06-26 13:00
Subject:starting weight=133.2

got a gym membership yesterday

my abs already hurt so bad! 
i'm excited though.

post a comment

Date:2007-05-07 15:10

Prom was a lot of fun
I had a wonderful date
and wonderful friends

got a picture with tom, and with the girls
i'm excited to see how both of those turned out

the food was pretty good
everyone looked great

i sang to tom during the slow songs ;]
he loves my singing, haha.

afterwards we all went to chandlers
me and cait drank our 99 bananas
first time i got drunk since spring break lol
it was fun though
not too crowded which was nice

spent the night at toms, got there around 5ish?!

things around here are A LOT better.
been spending time with my mom...
on friday i stayed home and just watched movies with her and my dad the whole night.

senior year is almost over with..
kind of crazy.

anyway. things are good lately
that saying kind of holds true for me, things get worse before they get better
i'm just glad they're getting better.

things to look forward to 
mine and toms birthday/ the hoedown
my birthday party 
senior skip day/picnic!!
last day of school
graduationnn! dangg.

that's all for now<3

post a comment

Date:2007-05-04 07:01

last night was one of the worst nights of my life.

post a comment

Date:2007-04-01 20:27

i had a really good weekend
friday i worked & after i went and stayed the night at toms<3 saturday me and tom went out to lunch at bd's :D after that he came over and we lazed around. then i worked. after i came home and eventually cait and tom came over and we just hung out with my family and drank, later on steph came over too. we watched the pursuit of happiness, i cried about 498498 times! good movie.
today caitlyn and i went tanning , to sev, and to the park. then i worked

5 more days until i leave for panama. i'm really excited
i still have a couple more things to get and do though

things are good.

1 comment | post a comment

Date:2007-03-28 23:33

I know what love is.

post a comment

my journal