(no subject)

I'm getting hideously mangled tonight.
I'm reading "Candy" by this chick Mian Mian & the translation is so godawful. Ugh. SURRIOUSLY. It's cold out, kind of. It was really beautiful this afternoon. I made $19 in 5 hours. Hah. My life sucks. It sucks being having no money. Oh well. It kind of gives this sort of- fight to survive mentality. Like, heyy, this costs a dollar but I'll steal it cause I need the money for cigarettes which are nearly impossible to steal & yeah. Now I'm not making sense & I need a shower so goodbye.

I am > god.

(no subject)

i knowz i never write in here. so fine. okay. i'll do it.

lately my life has consisted of this:
- dreading school
- going to school
- dreading work
- going to work
- dreading yearbook
- not even bothering to show up at yearbook
- reading. day in & day out.
- hanging off of my bull matt boudwin's face
- having ugly hair
- taking pictures of my ugly hair
- writing.
- watching the golden girls & singing the theme song manically.
- eating.
- sleeping.
- breating.
- counting (i do it a lot & it's reallllly annoying).
- making prank phone calls
- doing homework
- half-assing
- lollygagging
- etc.

i take pictures of myself whilst shitting at wawa.

my peoples.

i miss her.

oh yeahz i dyed my hair.

i was talking to someone. no. i don't have downs syndrome. anymore.

yes. i multitask.

oh yes.

my cat looks like hunter s. thomspon.

the end. thank you.

because your candle burned too bright.

you don't deserve to be lonely
but those drugs you got won't make you feel better.
pretty soon you'll find it's the only part of your life
you're keeping together.

told her not to worry, it was just a shooting star.

used to be one of the rotten ones & i liked you for that.

(no subject)

"Very well, I will marry yu if you promise not to make me eat eggplant."

In other news, I'm a:
- Fatherless child
- Lush
- Complete idiot.

Thank you for your time, America.
Good night.

(no subject)

Dear everyone,
My life has gone to shit. I stare at walls for hours on end. I fear that I am slowly but surely going insane. I live for the weekends. I live for the feeling of sobriety slipping away. I live for the slipping away. & it's inherent. It's accepted. Everyone goes crazy, a little, sometimes. But this anger, this confusion, this fury of insanity is adament-- it tugs at all of me & ruins what I've become & worked so hard to emulate, what I've polished insistently-- the trophy on an arm, the smile feigned from ear to ear.

I am ruined.
I am ruins.
I'm pretty much hoping that I'll catch cholera these days & not have to go to school, or work, or pretty much, wake up.

I'd much rather knit & read then spend time with anyone, ever.
That's it.

Hope everyone is doing grand.

& it also sort of sucks that I look like a racoon.

(no subject)

So yeah.
My head smells like a perm.
I have somebody's cellphone.
A lot of hair ties, barrettes, gels, etc.
$23 that I don't know where it came from.
2 packs of menthol cigarettes (I don't smoke menthols. ever.)
& a pounder of natty...
all just chilling in my purse.

So then I thought back- way back- to last night. & yeah, now it's all making sense. I set my hair on fire smoking weed. Right. & I was stockpiling beer. & the girl who got pissed at us for making popcorn in her house for no reason-- that's whose cellphone I have. She pissed before me & figured, hey, it's my house, I can leave my shit in my own bathroom, right? No. Wrong, bitch. The minute you deny a drunken army of people the right to chow down on popcorn, you've crossed the line, bitch.

So yeah.

ps. Dan Johnsen is my life.
pps. Last night was beautiful.