(no subject)

The same as I love you, you'll always love me too
This love isn't good unless it's me and you
Stick your hands inside of my pockets
Keep them warm while I'm still here
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all
Stick your heart inside of my chest
Keep it warm here while we rest
Tell them this love hasn't changed me, hasn't changed me at all.

Today: I felt sick most of the day. Threw up a bit. My mouth still hurts. One day closer to Minneapolis I hope! I love chocolate... Mmmm...

How do you know when to let go?

(no subject)

Gahh!:!#:#!:@#! I could write for hours about today and thoughts, but you know...
SO if you're remotely interested in ME. ASK ME.


  • Current Mood
    cheerful BITTER!@

(no subject)

Instead of simply going to sleep like I should, since I am dead fucking tired, I decide to sit on my computer.

So I'm back in Annandale. :]
It's a big leap from the big city, but I'll live.
This is my home, and it's good to be in my house.
I can hear the birds sing, and see the stars at night.
It's quiet; I don't hear the sirens going every hour of the night.
Once it's warm out I can swim!!#!@@!!@
I wish my room had more windows... Sunlight makes me happy.
Well, I have a few goals.
1.Get a job!!! EEKS@!!!:DD
2.Get a killer tan. Ow ow!
3.Get a summer body, not this winter flab. [I let myself go!]
4.Get extentions. :D :D :D
5.I wish I could say "Summer love affair." Since I'm such a romantic fag. I think summer is one of the best times to have a special someone. xP
6.Ignore six.
7.Find out what I am all about. Find myself. I'm awesome so I need to realize it.
8.Tuff up!!! I cry over everything, seriously. Like the other day I rode by on my bike a dead squirrel. I almost lost it. DON'T BE A PUSSY!
9.Keep busy, I should never be bored. Because when I'm bored my mind wanders and usually I end up upsetting myself for some reason or another.
10.Have the best time of my life with the people I love most. My family and friends.

I loveeee TSP. Gahh#!!@:;wtf!@//@!>
If I could sleep forever, would you still be in my dreams?

I figured out why I'm tired when I sleep at Mike's.
Because I don't get good sleep, I toss and turn and cough. I also have very vivid dreams and I used to never remember my dreams. Nightmares too. Iguess i'm stressing out. I'm not capable of sleeping with someone next to me?! pffttt. Maybe I'm not cut out to ever have a lover in bed. I'm doomed for a lonely life. :[ :[ OH THE AGONY! WELL I'll be alone for the next few months so that'll give me enough time to catch up on my zzz's. [How sad]
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(no subject)

Mikey is amazing. ♥

That's all I've got for now. :]
You should be jealous.

I go home in... 3 days.
Say goodbye, Minneapolis.
Until next time.</3
  • Current Mood
    worried Well Worried.

(no subject)

someone to be my sunshine, my only sunshine.
someone to make me happy when skies are grey.
someone to tell me "You'll never know dear, how much I love you".
someone who will never walk away.

Does that kind of love exist anywhere besides Hollywood?

No more fighting.
Do you see the sadness in my eyes?
Can we make it?
Do we love each other?

(no subject)

I'll admit it. I'm sad. Really sad. Summers here. Me and Mike are going to part ways and boom, he'll find someone else or he'll forget about me. They're just my deepest worries. But he loves me. It still isn't easy, especially with my empty words.


It's life's little let downs, spontaneity...

So here I am, I just finished my papers, now I should study. It's three in the morning, and I am feeling ever so worn out. Emotioanlly, physically, and mentally. I brought this upon myself, trust me I know this so I guess I can't complain. But I am just, blogging. Meh.

So birthdays to me are special, but something usually seems to go wrong. I try not to be a pessimist, but sometimes I can't help it. There are a bajillion wonderful, amazing things that happen to me and I am so so so lucky, but then there is that one thing that just gets to me. I know I shouldn't, but I get all pouty because it's my birthday and I want everything to go right. I am a spoiled brat who wants her way, especially on a day that is supposed to be special. It's hard to focus on the good things in life, but I try. I try so hard, I hope people see that in me. And I have this problem, I do not think people see the good in me, because I do make so many mistakes and fuck up so bad. I am always talking about that, oh woe me, but that isn't it! This year I think I have made so many impacting mistakes than I ever have in my entire life. They really hold my heart down. Once again, try and look at the good things that you've acomplished. I guess it matters most importantly what I think about myself. I have learned a lot this year, and oh my God I can't even describe how much things have changed for me. I have so many emotions it's like I'm some angsty teenager. I cry about everything. I cry because I lost someone I thought I would have spent the rest of my life with [unrealistic] but I met someone who I never thought I could ever meet, undescribable. I met a soul with the biggest heart in the entire world. I met someone who I can share my thoughts and relationship problems with [ha] I met a girl who just wanted to have a good time because she felt her high school years were not fullfilling enough. I met so many people that impacted my life, and I love them all. I do know that my heart has grown 194924924924x bigger than ever, and what for? I've went through hell. I do not think anyone knows how unhappy I was the first semester, espcially towards the end of it besides maybe Jim. I remember one time I was in A-dale for the weekend. Me and Jim were fighting about something stupid so I was like, "Fine! I want to go back!" So he took me back. I am stubborn as hell, so I refused to speak, but about halfway I begged him to turn around, because I did not want to go back. I cried my eyes out simply because I did not want to come back here. I begged and begged, like I was being taken to a death camp or something. Pathetic! It was just me not feeling comfortable in my own skin, in my surroundings. I did not take the time to step out that door as much as I should have, instead I wanted to find a place where I could feel safe, and that was in his room surrounded by what was familiar. But fuck that. I am so much better than that, it was just adjusting to the change. Yeah, I did not do enough to get my ass out of this crappy dorm, but sometimes you just have to deal with the cards your dealt with, even though I didn't even deal with what I was dealt, because I was always trying to get the fuck out of here and go somewhere else. I just wanted to be by people that liked me I guess. I didn't care if it was in a tent outside, I just wanted to feel comfortable in my surroundings. Only a small handfull of people around here like me. So why would I put up with being here. My own fault.
I don't even know why I cry sometimes, but I have been crying a lot. I just want to cry about everything. I want to spill out my insides unto the floor and have them picked apart by standing observers. I just want to get everything out. I feel like such a freak because I am always crying or complaining about something. In all reality I have it great, my life is great. It's just the lack of direction that really hurts. Where am I going, what am I doing? This is all typical anxiety of a college kid, so I'm not all really different, there's like a bajillion other people that feel this way.
So I wanted to find baggage that goes with mine. Did I really find that? I think that me and Michael have a lot in common on the grounds of where we have been stabbed in the chest. He is a lot stronger than me though, and tougher. I got used to being shit on so much, I got used to being numb. I didn't think three years was such a big deal, but it really is. Three years can morph you into an entirely different person. So I wonder what I'll be like in three years. 21... Probably hotter than I already am. [haha] I always thought I was mature and had my head on straight, but hell I was so so wrong about myself. My head is like twisting off, and I am not mature at all. I act like I'm 10. Gosh, I kick myself for that. I want to be so much better. do I have too high of expectations for myself in such a short period of time? I think that next year will really be different. I am really looking forward to coming back to school. Uh oh here comes the waterworks again. All of these fucking emotions are so overwhelming. I do not want to float through life not knowing who I am, what I am about, and what I want to achieve. I know that...
All of my goals or dreams are stupid love shit, like oohh find my soul mate. Wtf. Be logical!

I want spend my lifetime in pursuit of love.
So I need a career that I can show my love through.


So yeah. My birthday was pretty great! AL came down, :] Mike made me a giant cookie cake, and he gave me a card in which the words presented in it will touch my heart forever. My friends came out to eat with me, which is the best gift ever. I'm really going to miss John, I'm really attached to that kid. haha
On the downer, I puked because I did not feel good most of the night. I am also a dumb ass.
Oh well. OH I got a rockstar drink too :] It makes my pee neon colored, I love it.
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(no subject)

So today has been good and it's only mid-day. Except for the whole writing papers shit.
Mike woke me up with kisses! [my favorite thing in the entire world!] and then he took me out to breakfast. yayayayaa I'm so lucky! :D Mmhmm he is fine and he's mine! Okay... Lawlzzz... Anna Lee is coming down later too! my Bestie!
I'm sick of being in my room. help!#!!@