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the art of knowing

Posted on 2017.03.29 at 21:44
Dear Nick,

5 years ago you asked me if I was just hanging out or if I wanted to be your girlfriend.

5 years I've been hanging out wanting to be your girlfriend.

I've waited in the bedroom, in the lounge room and in the kitchen. Waiting for you to notice me notice you.

I've fucked you just to feel noticed. I've waited just to feel loved. I've given everything into being this ghost unable to alarm you, feel angry, feel anything major so I wouldn't upset you.

I've put you first for years because I bravely waited for you to want to be with me.

I've watched you communicate with a smile and a huge amount of enthusiasm with other people. In reality I've only been in a relationship with you for 5 days.

You told me once, right at the start you wanted to be in a relationship because you wanted to meet new people.

I should of known right then and there that didn't mean me. That I was just a vessel for you to meet other people.

I think that you tried to love me and in your way you gave me of you what you could but sadly you are still at sea.

I once told you I couldn't love you because you were going to leave for TAS and when you didn't leave I let you in and I got comfortable next to you and I began waiting.

Sometimes I've felt the love on couches in front of TVs when we drank beer and spirits and you let me in. Those memories I will cherish more than you know.

I love that man you let out on couches across the country who is passionate and loud and loved by many.

If you ever see him return I'd love to see him too. Because I am in love with this man.


Posted on 2015.08.09 at 15:52

I am pretty sure i never want to work in a shopping centre again.

You subconsciously take in so many dead end turns you get confused in coles. Theres a hundred different identities chosen for you. Laid out for you to try on. It's annoying and its a giant fucking lie.

Today I saw a girl in this amazing layered black and i thought yep. Thats for me. Im done with red bubble. Threadless. The endless walking unconcious signs. Signs everywhere. Identity theft. Thats what this business is.

But im not reading them. I hope you are and you wake up soon.

Posted on 2015.08.02 at 08:40

Turn the clock to zero honey
Your memories broke what need have you for money
We're starting on a brand new day

Turn the clock way back
I think ill walk away from a chat
Starting on a brand new day.

Way back when you had all the dice but didn't throw them ever twice
Were starting on a brand new day
Way back then you noticed once that once was more than enough
We're thinking in a brand new way


I am tired of being a mirror.

Posted on 2015.07.30 at 12:51

red trilby

yonce yonce yonce....

Posted on 2015.07.30 at 08:31
Feeling: clear
Noise: partition
driver roll down the partition please
driver roll down the partition please

as you can see we arent on our knees'
i'm bored of this tyranny and i want a change
come on now baby don't make it strange
oh baby oh baby did you bring some water
yeah baby oh baby drink it down
took me only 5 minutes to get all dressed up
do we even want to go to this club?

drink all of me
i just want to show you want i got
and what i got
see all clearly
i just want to show you want i got
and what i got is freedom baby, freedom baby, freedom baby

driver roll down the partition fast
driver roll down the partition fast
honey got poison in his glass
he doesn't seem to understand the rules
i am so over all the fools

come on honey honey its all over now
breathe baby baby its your life now
took me only 5 minutes to get dressed up
cause im my own person and im not dreaming now

talk if want but the cameras watching
freeze if you want but your hearts in action
gold isnt all it turned out to be
throw it away and see clearly

take all of me, i just want to share now what i got
cause what i got. is clear. baby.
i just want to share now what i got cause what i got is clearance baby.


Being an orange in a sea of apples

Posted on 2015.06.24 at 08:22

I woke up crying again.

I wish more than anything that I had written down every piece of feedback. Every piece of advice. Every conversation I have had with the young people I work with.

They have outed me. They have picked at me one by one until I am vulnerable and then they have delivered the final blow.

Trust is a fical thing. You long for it. But in the end people are horrible.

They say we are all friends but people are horrible.

Never do I intend to upset or hurt other people but literally short of being a mouse I dont know how to come across in a way that wont hurt peoples ever apparent feelings.

sittin pretty

im really messed up today

Posted on 2014.05.06 at 10:28
I lost a link somewhere, somehow. again and I unfortunately can't stop looking for it.

I just want to be. But I can't because all these ideas are whizzing around my head, distracting me from what I need to do. Which is heal. And I can't today and I'm really angry.

Who's stupid idea was it for my quest to be fucking inner peace

Oh yeah, it was mine.

...2 days

just breathe and you will be home in 2 days.


i have that thing where i have too many lj's..

Posted on 2013.10.11 at 22:32
Residing: park street
Feeling: le sleep shortly
looks like the russians have skipped town. huzzah! that was the reason I stopped posting here mainly. because the russians came along.

needless to say, i have been doing quite a bit of catch up ranting on the spacebook, so its time to journal again. not a bad way to begin my new year.

so in june i left the bane and moved to newcastle. some of you might not be aware of that. i air travel up every now and again. it's easy and fun to do.

i resigned myself from desk work. 3 years and it was no longer giving me the satisfaction. being involved in govt organised crime really ticked a lot of boxes to get out in the end. but what a great way to leave, as now i am back at the books studying swedish massage.

and its been great, and i am learning much and really enjoying making people feel less intense. the class just had its first clinic night (which means we massaged the public) and i got lucky, and massaged a remedial massage student who'd just done 6 months. he thought i was going great guns, and thats no pun, i've been doing pilates and extend barre (ballet/pilates/cardio = bilates) and i've built some serious strength from pushing up my own 65kg weight for 10 weeks and rising to my toes too. gastrocenemius. its' fun to say, and now they could hurt people, much like a rock could. not that i intend to, but they are solid.

i also applied for, got interviewed and passed a sales trial to work at lush over the season. as one of the more ethical beauty and skin care shops around australia i'm pretty chuffed. they are incredibly innovative and passionate, and its been fun learning about the epidermis and how aromatherapy works in conjunction with skin and overall psychology of a person.

i imagine i will be selling a lot of pink things, which basically equals vanilla absolute - and lush is the first in the world to buy it fair trade. marvelous. but it will be interesting. there's also a great deal of mandarin power action happening in the holiday goods section and even a patchouli bomb, so lots of stuff. honey is also way big.

its coming up to nick and i's 2 year anniversary, not that its a huge deal. this is the first time i can honestly say that im still happy after 2 years of being with somebody. its a very exciting and bewildering thing for me to be able to be with someone and yet not die madly in love with them, and keep to just being me, which is awesome.

i produced and ran a burlesque show in october which was beyond successful, and now i am in the process of putting my feet up for a bit and watching shows while i mull over my creative orange juice. february is looking like my re-emergence month for dance and the fun and games of story time.

november see's me traveling by van to canberra to play jugger with the brisbane team and having another go with a fresh perspective. while ive enjoyed my solitude in newcastle, living in mayfield west n all, i'd really like to build something here, so i am looking to install the game into newcastle consciousness come next year, if not sooner and i definitely want to do it now.

life has stopped ordering me around, and ever since ive been offered a lot of choices and i made the most of it, which is fairly groovy.



red trilby

hello - o - o - o

Posted on 2013.10.09 at 12:38
is there anybody out there?

bite ya!

February 14 remains to be seen

Posted on 2013.02.15 at 06:05
Whatever it is it's always about the ego
You tell me right now you gave someone something for no reason
fibbing takes a special kind of holiday to encourage outrageous belief in love

It's a day of self reflection for me personally.
My eyes betray thunderclaps as I set out to examine
I'm not mad because its Hallmark, I'm mad because you live like this.
Through booked holidays and outlined celebrations
It's all been marked out for you so you need not worry

Check out your lady friend here.
Enculturated into believing she deserves this
into feeling disappointed when she doesn't get anything
jealousy rules the playing field
The queen of hearts hits a whammy
Smack, didn't that bruise your ego

made to feel like this out of others feelings
realise my gift giving ways aren't quite as selfless as desired
but I never give thanks to a valentine who doesn't play up to the part
Because why treat someone that doesn't send shockwaves of positivity to your brain?
why care at all if it doesn't send you gaga.

I know what roses mean now
I walked into a florist and asked, anything purple?
"that's the weirdest inquiry I've had on Valentines day"
Well you see, its about the individual isn't it

Aren't you sure your friend wouldn't rather a red rose?

I rest my bony arse on this case.

Happy St Harlequins day.

Amaranth the unfad-able.


something shorter than strawberry shortcake

Posted on 2011.11.10 at 21:14
These are the pros in my life right now:
  1. I have a challenging but rewarding job
  2. Job opportunities comin out my ears
  3. respect for said no 1 pro
  4. I have a bounty of curious and wonderful friends
  5. I am experimenting with art
  6. I have a stable and awesome apartment with good people
  7. I eat lots of fruit
  8. I have love in my life
  9. Comics
  10. Booze
  11. Dresses (yeah that secret is out of the closest)
  12. Enough breads to get by
  1. I have root canal tomorrow
That's it. and it wont even hurt. 

Yay my life :D

in the beginning..


Posted on 2011.05.29 at 03:57
Feeling: anxiousanxious
Noise: bertie blackman - white owl
A spiral staircase leads me down
I see a doorway bolted out
I close my eyes and reach out for?

I close my eyes - open the door
This chaos of underground tube lines - has me spinning, losing time
And I forget who I am in this demented reality I've found

Sweep scarecrow hair from tween my eyes
And smile to my deluded lies

There comes a time when all is clear
Claire darling, you are near - so why pretend?
Why feed the uncertain fear?

Face yourself you abandoned girl
You are not special or born to right
You have no purpose to protect the forgotten of the night
Your only person is to be, to fuck and fight

I close my eyes - open the door
This chaos of undergrond tube lines - has me spinning, losing time
And I forget who I am with this dementia of mine

Shaky hands clasp at corset
They rip away the green from red
What the hell is going on when I am elsewhere, and she's found me home
When will this endless psycho leave me alone

Posted on 2010.06.04 at 13:16
Feeling: amusedamused

that was probably pretty flipant of me to just delete this thing, but i did because for me this journal is like a manifest of a sometimes false, often altogether schizoid kind of personality i've been trying to cope with.

but ok, my bad for freaking you out and not inviting you to clairece 

go there, add me if you want to continue reading.

I will delete this journal in a month.

Russians, you aren't allowed. scoot.

Posted on 2010.05.30 at 09:09
nothing quite like the scare of your life

Posted on 2010.05.26 at 23:19
there is not a lot of patience left in my patience bar right now.

Dancing seems to be the only option.

Jugger on Sunday.



chunky riff!

Posted on 2010.05.09 at 23:56
Just be yourself

Just be yourself
I don't want nobody else
Just be yourself
I don't want nobody else

Take your inhibition
Throw it in the corner
You wont be needing that stuff ti'l the early morning
Just be yourself
I don't want nobody else x6

Ash Grunwald


apparently this is unimpressive.

Posted on 2010.05.09 at 21:54
Granted, I am a flowery writer who hasn't written any essays before. I write to entertain myself. Alex told me a politician would have written something like this, and I imagined myself addressing the senate.

I'm too tired now to make it 'compact' and impressive by my families standards. It isn't important. What is important is that I learnt how to research.

Topic: Drawing on theories of ethnicity, make a case for multiculturalism as a government policy, and whethere it encourages or impedes social cohesion.
yeah it is 1500 w longCollapse )


I told someone all about why permacultre is my 'religion' on okcupid..

Posted on 2010.04.19 at 19:24
Residing: Indro house Brisbane
Feeling: artisticartistic
Noise: Back to black
I personally define permaculture as part of my religion, but really it is a belief. Permaculturalists do not worship one entity, in fact they do not even have to woship anything. They just have to like the idea of community, growing food and their lazy lifestyle and closing the system on their property.

I am only really playing on religion, because Permaculture has a book, which is as complex and hard to read and understand as the bible. It in fact has a series of text books, Permaculture 1, 2, and the Permaculture Design Manual.

This I suppose in for my own amusement. Purely fictious as a religion, however you could say it is as it relates to worship.

Permaculture has ethics. These are:

"The ethics of Permaculture are a philosophical guide to aid us in the process of making good decisions. These ethics are not unique to Permaculture but can be found in varying ways in many of the wisdom traditions.


For example

Conservation of Biodiversity
Clean air and water
Restoration and conservation of forests, habitats and soils
Recycling and pollution reduction
Conservation of energy and natural resources
Appropriate technology


For example

Health and well-being
Nourishment with good food
Lifelong learning
Right livelihood and meaningful work
Community belonging
Open Communication
Trust and Respect


For example

Networking and sharing
Distribution of resources and wealth
Reduction ofconsumerism
Rethinking current notions of growth, progress and development
Making a contribution

Using the ethics of permaculture, we can ask "Does my project/do my actions care for the earth, care for people and share resources equitably?"
- Pemaculture ethics, http://www.seedinternational.com.au/pc_ethics.html

Permaculture differs from popular horticulture in that is harnesses natural processes, wild energies and progressions in the overall design of a property and the layout of the garden system.

Permaculture is also heavily against the use of pesticides, poisons and unnessesary processes (such as walking to the back fence of your property to get to the vegie garden.)

Now, I am going to back up.

Permaculture essentially means Permanent Agriculture. Because it is a design system tailored to a property, the skeleton of it, (i.e the basic structure) should never have to be altered or changed when implemented correctly. However the property can evolve to include new structures/ changed areas and reestablishment of non permanent structures (like chicken coops and fencing). There should always be ways of evolving your property, because permaculture is not established overnight. It is a process of permanence, just like a rain forest.

The permanent aspects is where the house is on the property, the swales, a dam/ series of dams and the kitchen garden. These are determined by the slant of the property, where the water runs when it rains and where it flows to underground. The areas which get sun (summer and winter) are also essential.

Swales are essentially mounded dams, stopping water from running off the property before it has a chance to be used, soaking it up and distributing it slowly. They are very common in Permaculture.

Dams are used to obviously store water, but also at the bottom of a property which connects to a water source, they are used to purify water before it leaves the property, leaching the overly rich water product, of worm casting manueure and human chemicals (poisonous water build up/ chemical residue) making it safe for natural environments. (this is so weeds on river banks don't go gung ho all of a sudden causing major forestry damage, and enabling water systems to be safe for later distribution to animals/ council water use)

Wild energies are essentially heavy rain, wind, electricity and blistering hot sunny days and now more commonly, dust storms/ floods. Permaculture essentially harnesses such in areas where propogation by the wind is essential, or they hinder them by creating wind breaks, to support smaller seedlings and fragile young plants. We are talking elephant grass, bamboo fences etc. These wind breaks also offer shade, and large trees are strategically placed in heavy sun areas utilised for seedlings/ summer planting.

The most important part of Permaculture however is not the growing process, it is feeding the soil. A lot of crops early on are legumes which add nitrogen to the soil by being chopped and dropped. A lot of weeds are left as natural bandaids to areas of disturbed soil (you can tell disturbed soil because there are weeds/ grass where it has been previously ripped up) I.E a lot of the world. (lol) but are chopped and dropped at the base before they have the chance to propogate. You will find certain weeds will grow in certain damaged areas (rotary hoe = coblers pegs) (fire = mop tops) and are also indicators of soil deficiences. Lantana only grows in alkaline heavy soil for instance. As such, Permaculture works with the weeds, harnessing their indication properties and healing effects. Making it totally different from popular horticultural agriculture to date.

Permaculture uses animal/ plant and human systems to manage a property, and a zoning structure. Zone 0 is inside the house, Zone 1 is the most visited areas surrounding the house (herb garden/ kitchen garden and composting areas) Zone 2 is the chickens/ slow compost/ banana circles (used to soak up soggy areas) equipment sheds/ livestock. Then there is zone 3, which is your orchad/ ducks/ chicken roaming area. Essential because they stop the fruit fly in its developing process before they destroy the next crop of fruit (peaches/ oranges/ nectaries mostly.. though any soft fruit/stone fruit) zone 4 is the wood area. This is where you grow your timber. Native tree forest. Pines etc. Good hard wood. Then zone 5 - bamboo harvest. Zone 6. Wild/ natural and generally left for wildlife. You can grow natives here too recreating a natural riparien zone.

The way zoning works is that you put structures from most used (zone 0) to least used. Meaning you don't need to walk all over your property to get to the places you mostly hang around. It is a great system, one I wish was more common in town planning.

That is why Permaculture is so amazing, because it can be applied to every system we have today and bear fruit, literally. The rewards are outstanding.

There is no quick and easy way to explain permaculture


Yes this is a truth.

Posted on 2010.02.10 at 13:30
I hereby create this new day in the name of Eris who is getting a little fidgety and needs some proper entertainment.

Insult Claire Day.

Don't throw apples, that's mean.. but DO take the time to tell me what is something about me that royally ticks you off. Or even not royally, maybe just festers inside every now and again..




in the beginning..

You are not my tribe.

Posted on 2010.01.24 at 13:08
Feeling: nostalgicnostalgic
There is something dirty about you
Water seeps for 'tween your teeth
There is something strange about you
I do not see you in me
I am not related to you
Originate from the same sneeze
I am not related to you
You've got extinction disease

Imposter you aren't from my tribe
Imposter who's afraid to die
Imposter you aren't part of me
Impeach the flame that smothers me

Fall and break into the walls
Dust off all the fatal calls
Miracles aren't miracles
Fate does not attract your souls
Wont you think away from the thought stream
Relate unto yourself at least
Break away from the seams and make it on your own way chief.

Please don't follow me around
Walk your own way, on your ground
Fire the path that suffers you
Create a life and follow through
Don't think I will help you learn
Suffering is part and parcel
Don't think you have no say
Your the master of your castle


Posted on 2010.01.04 at 11:06
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? - Pack up and leave? Conquere fear of ze sun.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My fingernails are well chewwed again. :/

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No... My aunt did though

4. Did anyone close to you die? No.

5. What countries did you visit? N/a

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Meaningful new friendships and random occurances.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why. December 7th. O the crazy.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Being single.

9. What was your biggest failure? Not listening to myself

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes.. lots..

11. What was the best thing you bought? Nothing I bought was awesome.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? ...uh

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Noones this year.

14. Where did most of your money go? Where indeed. Mainly rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? going to Woodford

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Rest My Chemistry - Interpol

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer? Happier, thinner and heaps poorer. :)

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Art, singing and cooking

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? being a recluse

20. How did you spend Christmas? My family home in Cooran

21. Did you fall in love in 2009? No.

22. What was your favorite TV program? Last Chance to See

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nah

24. What was the best book you read? The God Delusion

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Angie Hart

26. What did you want and get? Spooned.

27. What did you want and not get? An incredible job.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Where the Wild Things Are

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Went to Mobster Ball. I was 22

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Less anxiety.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? "Does this get a look from a stranger?"

32. What kept you sane? Allan's amazing cooking, and music music abound.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? .......

34. What political issue stirred you the most? ..Copenhagen and cap n trade.........

35. Who did you miss? banshees.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Probably Luke

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Money isn't everything.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "I've been taken by the fear"


o wow watch this..

Posted on 2009.12.20 at 08:21

Posted on 2009.12.09 at 18:05
i'm not going to buy a computer am i claire.

fuck i want to wander.


something remarkable .. KEEP READING

Posted on 2009.12.09 at 06:07
Feeling: tiredtired

I live in a van down by Duke University

How do I afford grad school without going into debt? A '94 Econoline, bulk food and creative civil disobedience
By Ken Ilgunas
Photos by Ken Ilgunas
I was lying on the floor of my van where the middle pilot chairs used to be, trying to hide from view. This is it, I thought. They know. I'm going to get kicked out of Duke.
Moments before, I had been cooking a pot of spaghetti stew on top of a plastic, three-drawer storage container, which held all my food and my few meager possessions. I figured the campus security guard had parked next to me because he spotted the blue flame from my propane stove through the van's tinted windows and shades.
I held my breath as he shut off the engine and opened his door. I was in my boxer shorts, splayed across my stain-speckled carpet like a scarecrow toppled by the wind.
As I listened to what sounded like a pair of Gestapo jackboots approach the driver-side door, I thought about how I'd almost gotten away with it. For two whole months, I had been secretly living in my van on campus.
For some, van-dwelling may conjure images of pop-culture losers forced into desperate measures during troubled times: losers like Uncle Rico from "Napoleon Dynamite," or "Saturday Night Live's" Chris Farley who'd famously exclaim, "I live in a van down by the river!" before crashing through a coffee table, or perhaps the once ubiquitous inhabitants of multicolored VW buses, welcoming strangers with complimentary coke lines and invitations to writhing, hairy, back-seat orgies.
In my van there were no orgies or coke lines, no overweight motivational speakers. To me, the van was what Kon-Tiki was to Heyerdahl, what the GMC van was to the A-Team, what Walden was to Thoreau. It was an adventure.
Living in a van was my grand social experiment. I wanted to see if I could -- in an age of rampant consumerism and fiscal irresponsibility -- afford the unaffordable: an education.
I pledged that I wouldn't take out loans. Nor would I accept money from anybody, especially my mother, who, appalled by my experiment, offered to rent me an apartment each time I called home. My heat would be a sleeping bag; my air conditioning, an open window. I'd shower at the gym, eat the bare minimum and find a job to pay tuition. And -- for fear of being caught -- I wouldn't tell anybody.
Living on the cheap wasn't merely a way to save money and stave off debt; I wanted to live adventurously. I wanted to test my limits. I wanted to find the line between my wants and my needs. I wanted, as Thoreau put it, "to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life … to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms."
It wouldn't be hard for me to remain frugal. After buying the van and making my first tuition payment, I was only a few dollars away from having to rummage through Dumpsters to find my next meal. I was -- by conventional first-world definitions -- poor. While I faced little risk of malnutrition or disease like the truly poor, I still I didn't own an iPod, and I smelled sometimes.
My experiment began in the spring semester of 2009 when I enrolled in the graduate liberal studies department. Months before, I had just finished paying off $32,000 in undergraduate student loans -- no easy feat for an English major.
To pay off my debt, I'd found jobs that provided free room and board. I moved to Coldfoot, Alaska -- 60 miles north of the Arctic Circle and 250 from the nearest store -- where I worked as a lodge cleaner, a tour guide and a cook. Later, I worked on a trail crew in Mississippi in an AmeriCorps program. Between jobs I hitchhiked more than 7,000 miles to avoid paying airfare. When I couldn't find work, I moved in with friends. My clothes came from donation bins, I had friends cut my hair, and I'd pick up odd jobs when I could. Nearly every dime I made went into my loans.
I hated my debt more than anything. I dragged it with me wherever I went. While I was still leading an exciting, adventurous life, I knew I could never truly be free until my debt was gone.
I finally got out of the red when I landed a well-paying job with the Park Service as a backcountry ranger. Finally, after two and a half years of work, my debt was gone. I had four grand in the bank that was mine. All mine. It was the first time I had actual money that hadn't been borrowed or given to me since I was a 13-year-old paperboy.
The more money I had borrowed, I came to realize, the more freedom I had surrendered. Yet, I still considered my education -- as costly as it was -- to be priceless. So now, motivated to go back to school yet determined not to go back into debt, I had to think outside the box. Or, as Henry David Thoreau might suggest, inside one.
In "Walden," Thoreau mentioned a 6 foot-by-3 foot box he had seen by the railroad in which laborers locked up their tools at night. A man could live comfortably in one of these boxes, he thought. Nor would he have to borrow money and surrender freedom to afford a "larger and more luxurious box."
And so: I decided to buy a van. Though I had never lived in one, I knew I had the personality for it. I had a penchant for rugged living, a sixth sense for cheapness, and an unequaled tolerance for squalor.
My first order of business upon moving to Duke was to find my "Walden on Wheels." After a two-hour bus ride into the North Carolinian countryside, I caught sight of the '94 Ford Econoline that I had found advertised on Craigslist. Googly-eyed, I sauntered up to it and lovingly trailed fingertips over dents and chipped paint. The classy cabernet sauvignon veneer at the top slowly, sensuously faded downward into lustrous black. I got behind the wheel and revved up the fuel-funneling beast. There was a grumble, a cough, then a smooth and steady mechanical growl. It was big, it was beautiful, and -- best of all -- it was $1,500.
I bought it immediately. So began what I'd call "radical living."
I removed the two middle pilot chairs to create a living space, installed a coat hook, and spent $5 on a sheet of black cloth to hang behind my front and passenger seats so that -- between the sheet, tinted windows, and shades -- no one would be able to see me inside. I neatly folded my clothes into a suitcase, and I hung up my dress shirts and pants on another hook I screwed into the wall.
I at first failed to notice the TV and VCR (that I would never use) placed between the two front chairs. Nor did I know about the 12-disc CD changer hiding under the passenger seat until weeks later.
Just when I thought I had uncovered all the van's secrets, I found a mysterious button toward the back. When I pushed it, the back seat grumbled, vibrated and -- much to my jubilation -- began slowly transforming into a bed. I half-expected to see a disco ball descend from the ceiling and hear '70s porn music blare from the speakers.
Fortuitously, I was assigned a parking lot in a remote area on campus next to a cluster of apartments where I hoped campus security would presume I lived.
Over time, my van felt less like a novelty and more like a home. At night I was whirred to sleep by crescendos of cicadas. In the morning, I awoke to a medley of birdsong so loud and cheery you would have thought my little hermitage was tucked away in a copse of trees. During rainstorms, I listened to millions of raindrops drum against the roof and watched them wiggle like sperm down my windows.
I loved cooking in the van. As an adept backcountry camper, I could easily whip up an assortment of economical and delicious meals on my backpacking stove. For breakfast, cereal with powdered milk and oatmeal with peanut butter became staples; for dinner, spaghetti stew with peanut butter, vegetable stew with peanut butter, and even rice and bean tacos with peanut butter. Without proper refrigeration, I cut out meat, dairy and beer from my diet entirely. I became leaner, got sick less and had more energy than ever before.

By buying food in bulk I reduced my food bill to $4.34 cents a day. I was meticulous with my expenditures. I saved every receipt and wrote down everything I bought. Not including tuition, I lived (and lived comfortably) on $103 a week, which covered my necessities: food, gas, car insurance, a cellphone and visits to the laundromat.
The idea of "thrift," once an American ideal, now seems almost quaint to many college students, particularly those at elite schools. The typical student today is not so frugal. Few know where the money they're spending is coming from and even fewer know how deep they're in debt. They're detached from the source of their money. That's because there is no source. They're getting paid by their future selves.
My "radical living" experiment convinced me that the things plunging students further into debt -- the iPhones, designer clothes, and even "needs" like heat and air conditioning, for instance -- were by no means "necessary." And I found it easier to "do without" than I ever thought it would be. Easier by far than the jobs I'd been forced to take in order to pay off my loans.
Most undergrads imagine they'll effortlessly pay off their loans when they start getting paid the big bucks; they're living in a state of denial, disregarding the implications of a tough job market and how many extra years of work their spending sprees have sentenced them to. But "facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored," as Aldous Huxley famously said.
I have sympathy for my fellow students. I did many of the same things when I was an undergrad. Plus, escaping student debt -- no matter how frugal they try to be -- is nearly impossible. Even if they do resort to purchasing a large creepy van, most will still have to go tens of thousands of dollars into debt to pay for tuition.
While I found a way to afford graduate school, I by no means had the same financial responsibilities as the average student. I was so poor when I applied that my department took pity on me and significantly reduced the cost of my tuition. I even found a well-paying part-time job working for a government-sponsored program, tutoring inner-city kids.
Governments and financial aid departments normally aren't so helpful. For decades, the government has let legions of college students -- students who wished to better themselves and contribute to society -- go into soul-crippling debt. Schools don't make it any easier with steep hikes in tuition and baffling room and board costs. Students are oftentimes forced to pay for insanely priced meal plans and are barred from moving to cheaper housing off-campus. At Duke, the cheapest on-campus meal plan charges them 3.5 times more a day than it cost to feed me. Their dorm rooms cost 18 times more than my parking permit.
Here, the average undergraduate student who's taken out loans graduates with more than $23,000 in debt -- about the national average. The cost of education at Duke, as at most schools across the country, is disgracefully high. Tuition costs (not factoring in financial aid) more than $37,000 a year. Additionally, students have to pay at least another $10,000 for books, meal plans, fees and dorms.
Duke's egregiously hefty price tag is no anomaly. Nor is it unusual for students to unflinchingly take out massive loans that'll take them years, sometimes decades, to pay off. Willingness to go into debt, of course, isn't just confined to students; we're a nation in debt, collectively and individually. Going into debt today is as American as the 40-hour work week; or the stampede of Wal-Mart warriors on Black Friday; or the hillocks of gifts under a Christmas tree. An army of loan drones we've become, marching from one unpaid-for purchase to the next in quest of a sense of fulfillment that fades long before the bill arrives. We're little different from the Spanish explorers who dedicated their lives to the quest for El Dorado, which was always just around the next bend in the river, yet never there at all.
I refused to join those ranks. I became a deserter, an eccentric, an outsider. At Duke, I felt like an ascetic in the midst of wealth, a heretic in the Church of the Consumer. I had to hide.
Because I was so paranoid about campus security finding out about my experiment, I kept myself apart from other students. Whenever I did talk with a fellow classmate, I found myself souring the conversation with preposterous lies -- lies I'd tell to protect myself. Whenever someone asked me where I lived, I'd say "off campus," or I'd make up an address before changing the subject. I found it easier to avoid people altogether.
I worried that if students caught wind of my experiment, a Facebook group would be created for "People who've had a confirmed sighting of the campus van-dweller." Campus security would find out, deem my lodgings illegal and promptly kick me out of the van and into some conventional and unaffordable style of living, wherein I'd have to buy a rug to tie the room together.
Deprived of human companionship, I cloistered myself in my van and in libraries where I was alone with my thoughts and my books. Time for self-reflection, study and solitude was what I thought I'd wanted all along.
But of all the things that I gave up for "radical living," I found it fitting that the one thing I wanted most was that which couldn't be bought. When a trio of laughing males drunkenly stumbled past my van, probably hoisting one another up like injured comrades after battle, I thought of my friends back home. On winter nights, when the windows were coated with a frosty glaze, I'd wish for a woman to share the warmth of my sleeping bag.
While I have plenty of good things to say about simplicity, living in a van wasn't all high-minded idealism in action. Washing dishes became so troublesome I stopped altogether, letting specks of dried spaghetti sauce and globs of peanut butter season the next meal. There was no place to go to the bathroom at night. I never figured out exactly where to put my dirty laundry. Once, when a swarm of ants overtook my storage containers, I tossed and turned all night, imagining them spelunking into my orifices like cave divers while I slept. New, strange, unidentifiable smells greeted me each evening. Upon opening the side doors, a covey of odors would escape from the van like spirits unleashed from a cursed ark.
But no adventure is without bouts of loneliness, discomfort and the ubiquitous threat of food poisoning. I loved my van. Because of it, I could afford grad school. So naturally I was nervous as I listened to the security guard's weapons jingle as he ambled by my windshield.
But he just kept walking.
I was overcome by an odd sense of dissatisfaction. Deep down, I think I wanted him to discover me. I wanted a showdown. I wanted to wave my arms at the dean and cry, "Impound my van? Over my dead body! I'll take you straight to the Supreme Court!" Fellow students would rally behind me. We'd stage car-dwelling protests and after winning back my right to remain voluntarily poor, people would begin to consider me the campus sage. I'd wear loose white clothing, grow my beard, and speak in aphorisms to the underclassmen who journeyed the mile on foot to my sacred parking space where I'd serve them tea.
Today I still live in the van. I haven't taken out loans or borrowed money from anyone. Really, the only thing that's different is that I've set up my laundry area by the passenger seat. Also, after another summer with the Park Service, I have more money than I possibly need. Now, instead of being poor, I am radically frugal. Sometimes, though, I think it would be nice to have an ironing board, plumbing and a wood stove.
It would be nice. A middle-class family might think it would be nice to have an in-ground swimming pool. A millionaire might think it would be nice to have a yacht. The billionaire, a private jet. Someone, somewhere might think it would be nice to have food to feed her family tonight. Someone, somewhere might think it would be nice to live in a van in order to afford to go to a wonderful school. I could begin satisfying my desires and buying comforts, but I've learned to appreciate what little I have instead of longing for what I do not.
Admittedly, now that I have money I buy the fancy peanut butter from Whole Foods, and I've even purchased an expensive pair of hiking boots. But most things are the same: I still cook spartan meals, I don't have an iPod, and I park in the very same spot. And I still have my secret. Well, that is, until now.

I would have more confidence in optimism if the optimists lived wisely!
A pessimist is a well informed optimist!

fractured light

day of mania #3

Posted on 2009.12.08 at 23:30
Feeling: awakeawake
hello there..

man am I wired. all i did on sunday was buy myself some things for once and then i got so over excited and happy i couldn't sleep and had to write a letter to laurel, and then i read a book about the world of stripping and then i thought about slogans i wanted to write on a shirt and i thought about songs i wanted to sing and i thought about laurel and i thought about laurel and i thought about laurel

and i want to fucking sleep now, if i may.

at the moment i am at my brothers place. this is tres awesome. finally i get to paint alone with no disturbances and with loud music and just get whatever the hell this is out of my system

unfortunately this will have to wait until tomorrow.. and i'm worried i wont sleep a wink tonight because of it.

if i open a jar of paint i wont be able to stop.

i haven't slept properly now for what seems like 3 days, but i think it has really been more like a week.

there is no fucking radio or dvd or cd player anywhere and i need to listen to delerium so i can fucking relax.

there isn't even any fucking speakers on this computer

this is torture

does anyone have some kind of spare music making device for cd's i can borrow?

i really need music!!!


from a transport hell some time ago

Posted on 2009.12.01 at 20:46
Feeling: amusedamused
To start, I wrote this last year while I was covered in dirt and sun sore from my day planting tree's but I smile to remember my patience on those afternoons when the bus evaporated with the afternoon heat.

- Claire


I am looking for adventure.

So why the hell am I still here? I wish I could explain, but it is far too hard to begin the journey of telling you my story thus far.

I am forever sitting on a bus stop seat wondering where my god damn bus is! Sunshine Coast, Nambour Train Station. Many buses go through here daily, Caloundra 206, Nambour TAFE 600, Mooloolabah 360, Caboolture 100, even Buderim 250.

Noosa Heads 361; only when your on the toilet.

I cannot fathom why this 'bus service' - not exactly a service, more like a second chance draw lotto ticket - Is still running. It is not that I want it to go away, it is just that it seems to NOT exist, yet it does.

In plain arial font on the bus timetable it states that the 361 to Noosa Heads will arrive (and just as soon, quickly depart) at: 7:20am, 10:30am, 12:00pm, 2:00pm, 3:00pm & 5:00pm. Each day.

But, this ladies in gentlemen is just not true. Sometimes, a 361 from Noosa Heads arrives at 5pm only to change signs to 'out of service' just as it pulls up to the kerb. As you get off your weary bum to get on the bus the doors shut you out.

Hissing all the way. Making everyone still standing bristle with a compulsion to rock the damn vehicle to let us on. We gasp, some of us even curse 'for fucks sake'. Or some other detrimental adjustment to said phrase, tick the box as appropriate.

Realising the wait will be long, the whole line of silent cursing strangers jostle and dive for the remaining seats available at the bus terminal. All 3 rows, with dire consequences. some ending on fellow strangers laps, creating a scene not so dissimilar to an awkward start at an orgy.

5:03pm and the overhead night lights flicker and mutter to themselves until they blink into luminescence. Empty buses wander through to spite us. The group automatically go into 'survival' stage. Phones flick out, cabs are called, train inquiries, some get off and move on.

I sit there, doing nothing since I cannot.

Some adjust themselves on the seats, clamber off and sit on the concrete. Bags become a luxury and assume the charge of make shift pillows, or entertainment centers. Others launch themselves toward McDonalds.

I sit.

The empty train station mine alone. Wise locals soon arrive however to guilt you out of your spare change, even if it is your bus fare home. You wait for the sound of broken glass, youths passing through scabbing cigarettes, bums scabbing cigarette butts scamper up and down in their addidas sweat pants, a pair of thongs an after thoughts.

No, you certainly aren't in Kansas anymore. The bus is still non existent. Some leave on other buses just to get away from the hopeless scenario and hopefully find another route home. You never see them again. You sometimes wish you'd got as restless and gone with them on their quest for escape. You decidedly doodle another notch on the spare scrap of rubbish that almost floated by, just as a ways for something to do.

Never again will you wait for the bus, you tell yourself. NEVER. The 361 gives you nightmares as the orange light up board descends on your collective day dreams.

All mutter a shocked sigh of almost relief whenever something sounding bus like approaches, and take it back when it turns out to be a false present.

You wonder why you put yourself through this again.

A gathering comfort emerges as the local paddy wagon stalks the drop off bus way like a shark looking hungrily for absent minded trouble makers.

More people disappear. You graffiti a bus seat. Deface a McDonalds cup holder. Count the hairs on your head.

You wish them goodluck.

You say the motto under your breath. Never again will I wait for the bus.

in the beginning..

Dad steals the show again.

Posted on 2009.10.30 at 09:50
Residing: House of NOMM
Feeling: awakeawake
In his or her attempt to dismiss the anti dam protesters as rabble rousers, E Cordner of Cooran (NN 27 Oct) states "we know the population north of Brisbane is increasing rapidly and the supply of water must be increased". Like everyone, including those in government however, there is no understanding of the mathematics of exponential growth.

Go to www.albartlett.org/ , and you will find this explanation. To quote Albert Bartlett (Professor Emeritus in Nuclear Physics at Colorado University), "The greatest shortcoming of the human race is our inability to understand the exponential function."

Forty years ago, when as a cadet engineer with the then Irrigation and Water Supply Commission, I worked on the viability of the Traveston dam site. It was dismissed as a bad idea, and that was even before the effects of Climate Change were known. Forty years ago, when the roads to the Gold and Sunshine Coasts were windy two lane country roads, the population of SE Qld was barely 600,000, and a yearly 3% growth only amounted to an extra 18,000 people a year. Now however, the region's population is growing by 100,000 a year.

Do you seriously believe that the Traveston Dam will be able to supply this ridiculous growth? Even if this dam goes ahead, by the time it is finished, another one will be needed! Exactly WHERE will we put that one?

This dam is not a solution, it is a symptom of the problem, a government hellbent on growth at any cost, not understanding the exponential function, the very same function that is causing Peak Oil and Climate Change. These two looming disasters alone dictate that this dam should not be built, because in the not so distant future, we will need to have the ability to grow all our food locally, and flooding prime farming land so that we can line the pockets of developers is the most ridiculous planning I can think of.

I'm not saying it's an easy challenge, but the real problem is growth, and it must end, in fact it will end.

Mike Stasse

Posted on 2009.08.28 at 23:09
I watched Miracle on 34th Street with my nan yesterday and it was really cute. There is something about the 40's that just gets under my skin.

All that marry me June, No Fred I just couldn't talk is so fun. They all look excellent, every man just dauper in his suit, every working woman understated glamouros.

I am in lust with romance dammit.


ok, who the hell are you Russians?

Posted on 2009.04.22 at 19:55
Feeling: amusedamused
vypjkanhas added you as a friend.
1 week ago

nazonso has added you as a friend.
1 week ago

glijodh has added you as a friend.
1 week ago

bhodoli has added you as a friend.
1 week ago

elkupsa has added you as a friend.
1 week ago

apoicij has added you as a friend.
1 week ago

eremurdo has added you as a friend.
2 weeks ago

plenoik has added you as a friend.
2 weeks ago

avizjneko has added you as a friend.
4 weeks ago

6 weeks ago

unocmob has added you as a friend.
6 weeks ago

* Due to Russian infiltration I am going friends only. Please let us know if you've added me recently under the guise of a Russian, or just stealthy like so I didn't know and if you want to continue to read.

Posted on 2009.04.14 at 17:50
Feeling: boredbored
My, my. 2 floods in a month, just how uneasy should we be feeling? This is crazy weather.

I have a renewed interest in drawing up astrological charts. Anyone feel like a free-bee while I practice and get good again? All you will need to tell me is your D.O.B the time and the place you were born and I'll somehow get you a hard file copy.

If I'm bombarded with requests this might take time though, so be prepared to be patient.

I started a new painting today. Going in a new direction but still using the pallet knives. Very red so far.

I was missing having blue hair again so I did a couple streaks in with the brown. I love that combination. Fun. Managed to work out how to use the hair dryer too. I have a shiny coat. :)

Have new ideas about traveling. Still want to go to Peru, but want the option of traveling around a few different places in South America to make it into more of a lost civilisations tour. Would be freakin awesome to go when the Mayan calendar ends but also just a little superstitious, with my mind make believing that a volcano will erupt or a huge earth quake will happen. Gosh I'm full of fun disaster ideas today.

Toby wants to see me again. I kind of gave him an ultermatum, saying sure but I'm not dating anyone right now. He was of course, thrilled with the idea. I don't know, I just want him to stop touching my head, that is exclusively for partners. Plus, the way he does it makes me feel little and awwww isn't she cute.

O, and what is up with this supposed drinking age laws thing? I actually wouldn't mind being the youngest in the club again, but as if that stops teenagers from boozing. There needs to be like booze ed at school, and parents should be teaching their kids moderation at dinner with food and things. Alternatively we could set up a binge camp where teens are subjected to the fouls of alcoholism and drunks but then we'd be missing the older shit stains that need that treatment too.

I really don't care either way. God, the only reason it is a huge problem is because of the baby boom, hence the dense population of gen y or whatever it is. Hardly the kids fault this time, is it?

Posted on 2009.04.13 at 18:43
Ho hum. What a Sunday. I cannot explain how weird it is to be on public transport for most of the damn day. Jugger, my faithful companion.. I'm so glad it exists.

so sore today, yay.

We are currently being bombarded by water from the sky. The kitchen and lounge room look suitable for small people to be play paddling there in their small person bathing suits.

but it isn't all bad. We watched Dogma.

I got a green shirt for Easter. Yay!

bite ya!

stuff and things..

Posted on 2009.04.11 at 22:15
Feeling: cheerfulcheerful
The russians are invading my livejournal. One of them has even deleted their account a week since adding me. Seems all very strange since I don't have secret plans of any kind. No I'm not building a super secret submarine or space craft. I don't have nuclear weapons.

Does that suprise you somewhat? lol

I do have a cramp in my right hand though from playing Mines too much. Owch.

JUGGER TOMORROW! 1pm New Farm Park! Come. doit.

Went and had some mulled wine at Yasis home last night. Thank you for wanting to meet me properly! Was great to see you and catch up with old faces. Do you have my favourite pillow by chance? I've mislayed it...

Night everyone, sleep tight..

Make sure the bunny gets it.

Posted on 2009.04.10 at 15:11
Feeling: contemplativecontemplative
life feels surreal. I look over our garden past the corn and hen house to the trees and long to join them. splendid to feel no cold while sheltered in their boughs. a feeling of mistaken identity has come upon me. who is this person clothed in cloth who speaks words of time past, with cotton socks and smudgy eyes. I look around at the room and baulk at progress. books, photo's, pens, printed paper and plastic cd cases. what are such things doing here, why have them at all.

i long for an embrace.

Posted on 2009.04.07 at 21:17
Feeling: amusedamused
Interesting day, interesting yesterday as well. Looking forward to work more, odd. Very odd indeed, still I'm thrilled I'm thrilled. :)

We went to Melanie on Monday, I bought a nice bright red shirt from an opp shop and a few awesome second hand books and we sat in the park and played an exercise intense game of UNO where if we got a draw two we had to run around the circumfrence of the park, and if we lost we had to do 25 push ups. I had to do none of these activities but I ran around anyway.

Today we were seed collecting mostly just off the beach and it was really gusty and grey and lovely. :) I have purpe finger tips from preping the purple berries for propogation. It looks funky. We had lunch in a park with permanent gym equipment so I got stuck in and i feel awesome for it.

Yay endorphins.

lacey_may I hope you had a fabulous birthday, & you certainly have a beautiful voice.

I have plans to come to Brisbane this weekend for Jugger, but since it's chocolate bunny time I'm not sure what is happening, and if anyone is free and happy for a visit. If you are let me know in the usual way. ;)

Haha.. that sounds worse than it is.

Posted on 2009.04.04 at 13:08
Feeling: lonelylonely
Well it has been raining. Lots. I'm kinda stuck here.

I got the insane idea to weigh myself and I see I've lost almost 10kg. I'm as suprised as you are, seriously.

The kitchen and loungeroom are a bit flooded, and the ducks are happy quacking away outside. Goats are not impressed, nor are the other feathered friends but yeah.

And I desperatley want to go hiking. Go figure. I'm also rather lonely.



Posted on 2009.03.28 at 18:17
Feeling: coldcold
Couple new things I suppose. One. I just watched some amazing pre show movies for "He Died with a Fellafel in his Hand" here: http://www.youtube.com/user/girlclumsy

I really miss living there. /sigh/ Sucks I had such a bad job/ crazy emotional relationship blunders but you get that with share house living. /sigh/

Aw, now I'm sad.

Also, I have a date tomorrow with a really lovely geologist and I'm tres' excited. :)

I am so sick of my parents arguing about floor tiles. Just get on with it, will you?


yeah so it's a bad picture.

Posted on 2009.03.25 at 21:50

I know it is sideways, and my eyes look glazed and my hair is spikey but you get the idea.

I honestly don't know which ones better.

O look a crazy person.

Posted on 2009.03.23 at 14:41
Feeling: boredbored
....o no it's tiling the corridor time, which means family dispute time which means Claire becomes mediator time which means I get involved time which means no rest for the wicked. Time.

So, in order to vent frustrations here; have a little novele'

It's puny. I know, size isn't supposed to matter but this is an important piece for the collection. Dominic thinks so, so I think so. It is his birthday, so we mustn't disagree too often. But the size of it, just.. dissapointing. We were; O. When I say we I mean Dominic and I were in Greece and he had just settled on another significant but slightly overly viewed collection by some grecian man back when sculpture was romantic and well, I don't know about these things, you will have to talk to Dom sweetie.

Anyway I was needing the ladies room, as a matter of fact and so I waltzed past the secretary and into the first room that looked like it was going to lead me there. It turns out that it wasn't it but it was an interesting room none the less. Lots of smaller things, it is none of your buisness what kind, but smaller and well.. Irresistable. I came to my senses in that room. I realised that the art world was a battle field and that in order to win you must have a strategy. I know stealing is a rather uncouth way of winning, but anyone who has the prize knows that the prize is had to be taken. It so happens that this is no ordinary prize, no. This prize is worth taking and worth passing on. Worth unvieling to the world. Worth.. fucking millions.

It isn't a terrible thing to pass on art is it? This passing on means that others are exposed to it's beauty that the object is seen. Clearly, the object is supposed to be seen isn't it? Why else was it created? It is with this reasoning, and it is quite good reasoning I believe you know, the reasoning of quite a professional clued up young entrepenuer wouldn't you say? It is with this reasoning that the Venus De Milo is in my handbag.

O I know. This is no way to treat the Venus, but I must in order to show her to the world. Dominic doesn't know, he shant. Ever. This is my own little aquisition. My own crowning glory, this is my diamond ring that Dominic and Cedric and Harry and Benjamin NEVER quite got around to putting on my finger. No, with this piece I shall never need men like them again.

It is why now that I have the greatest piece in the world that I no longer need Dominic to share the world with me. Dominic can't help but agree now anyway. I'm getting awfully fed up with his lack of enthusiasm that I am now the most sought after art dealer this world will ever see. Maybe I shouldn't have offed him while he was lying on the bed in his birthday suit.

It's puny.



shout out

NSFW unless boss likes Flight of the Conchords. Episode 5 season 2

Posted on 2009.03.23 at 12:14
Residing: Cooran, cause of sore toe
Feeling: amusedtitallated

Read more...Collapse )

bite ya!
Posted on 2009.03.22 at 21:43
Feeling: chipperchipper except for sore bigtoe
Ha, so a really great weekend, but not so great shoe functions.

To explain my 'faithful' roc goth boots are now post mortem dysfuntional and de-sole-d. I.E whilst walking home in the dark the soles of my boots fell off.

Aha, I'm sure.

Now, onto the fun updates:

1. Saving for trip to Peru come next pay day (Thursday) with govt funding going towards oversea's industry instead of home grown economic fail. (my reasoning being that the money would have gone overseas anyway, and also who needs a reason anywho)

2. I have a pixie haircut now. Feels great.

3. I've lost 4kg since my last weigh in, so now I am 65kg.

4. There is no four

5. I had a fun time visiting Honi's house and was quite impressed by her choice of visual entertainment and hosting. Also, happy to see her. :)

6. Officially in the top 10 of hottest 'womenz' in the vacinity of club 299 Friday night.

Update over.

Does anyone have any sexy boots in size 8/9 they wouldn't mind cheaply selling on? I'd buy some Demonia's but I'm saving for Peru.

At the same time I'm thinking of saving for Palenque



Posted on 2009.03.20 at 13:23

Your result for The Early '90s Song Lyrics Test...

Lyrical Genius

92% Knowledge!

You definitely listened to a lot of music during the early '90s, and somehow have managed to retain that lyrical knowledge for the past 15+ years! Based on your high score on this test, it can be determined that the high quality music of the '90s holds a special place in your heart. Congratulations on a job well done!

This test is entered in the '90s contest, so please remember to vote! Thank you :).

Mistakes? Comments? Let me know!

Take The Early '90s Song Lyrics Test
at HelloQuizzy

shout out


Posted on 2009.03.19 at 10:08
ALSO ALSO.. I had this strange dream this morning at like 4am and immediately woke up thinking: MOVIE IDEA so if anyone knows anyone who can/ does write movie scripts and is open to listening to a pitch let me know, I wrote out the whole dream in a story line pitch sequence but I have no experience in script writing nor the patience for it. That's why I'm the ideas man and not an accomplished author.

The script writer should really like and want to write an action come deceit come spy themed story. That is ALL I am going to say. BIG TWISTS likened to Chuck Paluhnuik's work, but not as creepy. Well, I don't think so.

I'm gushing. But I really want to write this with someone, it is pressing on my pineal gland chaps. It needs airplay.

when i am queen

the great things about me.

Posted on 2009.03.19 at 09:52
Feeling: cheerfulcheerful
So I'm in a pretty decent mood. Yesterday at work there was rain so there was eventual non working activities. We got to go to the park and play UNO. :D

YAY YAY YAY! Uno is great with 10 people. wowzers. Then we went to an opportunity shoppe and I got me Asterix in Britain on VHS! FOR 2 BUCKS!

YAY YAY YAY! It is awesome, I wish cartoons these days were this special. I am thoroughly over Sponge Bob Square Pants in the morning. I'm wondering why everyone likes it, it is crap. BRING ON THE GAULS IN STRIPEY PANTS I SAY! Bring on Count Duckula I say!

I have the day off today so I'm course searching for next semester. I wrote down every course I'd do on the sunshine coast and all together the tuition would take me 13 years and 10 months to complete. :D So I'd be 34 and a trades genius.

Yay trades genius! I doubt I'll be interested in doing EVERYTHING I put down but it's good to have a variety of stuff to learn, I like stuff. I wonder you know if I will ever have an 'occupation' since I love learning so much. If you could be paid to be a student I'd be like, in heaven.

I am coming to Brisbane tomorrow night I believe. What's going down in vegas? Who wants me on their couch? :D I am so organised, NOT!

Posted on 2009.03.18 at 06:16
Feeling: annoyedannoyed
o noooooooot work oooo.

and <lj user="insomnius" is right. What the fuck is with the loud lj twitter bullshit now folks? This shit is going to get me mad.

shout out

stoled from goatsfoot for truth. :D

Posted on 2009.03.16 at 18:50
Feeling: amusedamused
Forer Personality Test Results:
You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them.

You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing.

You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others.

At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.

Ha ha ha. When people receive this personality assessment, they rate its accuracy on average 4.2/5, or 84%. The punchline of course being that everyone receives this personality assessment. It was compiled from horoscopes.

When people hear claims about themselves, they tend to accept them more if the claims are positive or flattering, regardless of whether they are non-subjectively true! People also often give very liberal interpretations to vague or inconsistent claims about themselves in order to make sense out of the claims. And if people are told that the analysis applies only to them, they are much more likely to accept it too! It describes general human nature more than many think!

The "Forer Effect" is widely cited by sceptics as one of the reasons why psychics, mediums, fortune tellers, astrologists, mind readers, graphologists, etc. are so successful despite lack of scientific evidence that the claims are objectively valid.

Posted on 2009.03.15 at 09:25
Feeling: blahblah
So I am at home still. Not feeling well, nothing wrong with my physically just still all blah mentally. I'm finding it really difficault to get excited about anything. Where I should be estatic about my new job I am nervous and stressed out before it's even really begun. I'm trying so hard to not give up everything I do just so I don't slip lower into apathy but it seems that my mind doesn't care if I'm in a job or have something to do. It is going there whether I like it or not. Get me out of this emotional downturn. urgh.

Your result for The Tri-Variable Personality Test (qualified psychologist) ... Test...

The Agile Thinker

You scored 23Artist, 50 Philosopher, 28 Scientist!

Your thinking style is such that you vaccilate between building and creating thin



Posted on 2009.03.12 at 20:41
Feeling: sleepysleepy
What's on your mind?
Dress ups for tomorrow.

What's new?
I'm reading the naked ape. It is an account of our primate like behaviour by a zoologist dude. Quite interesting.

What were you doing right before you logged into Facebook?
Reading my email. Such is life.

Have you done something bad today?
I fed a dog on the beach some chips with sour cream. I figured it deserved them more than the packofmonkeys I work with.

Are you jealous of someone right now?
Just people who haven't got a headache and aren't incredbily pesimistic.

Are you mean?
Yeah but I'm not aiming mean-ness intentionally. I'm just an angry young woman get over it.

What did you go to bed thinking about last night?

Who is in the room with you?

Could you ever be friends with someone who hurt you badly?
Only after much free wine, a couple of years and lots of regret on their part. Yeah. Only if they regretted it and were miserable for a decade. Probably all a lie but whatever

What was the last thing you drank?

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Well no, noone knows everything. Not even my shrink.

What mood are you in right now?
headachegoawayplease olordiwantmorechocolate pleaselettherebeacyclonetomorrowsonowork

Do you believe what goes around comes around?
only if it feels like it

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
Don't ask me, I can never tell unless someone decided to touch my face or run their hand through my hair.

What is something you really want right now?
I really want to feel free from whatever this emotion is. It is really holding me back.

Are you wearing any makeup right now?
No. Besides, don't you remember where I work? Like it matters

Who is in your house right now?
Mum and dad and kermit our green tree frog friend

Are you in a relationship?

If yes, do you love that person?
If no, what? You really should offer some sort of fucking option here... I mean, I guess this shows where your priorities are, huh? - I agree with Pol.

Do you like to cuddle?
Yup. I would always choose cuddles over kisses.

Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
All the fucking time. Sometimes I think that is what is holding me back. It probably is.

Anything you're giving up on?
Dating men I do not know, cigarettes, wallowing and holding every 'bad' emotion in. Also being silent when I want to voice my opinion.

Have you been happy lately?
yes and no

Are you a good friend?
I try too hard or not at all, so no.

Is there something that reminds you of someone every time you see/ hear it?
When I see people doing a high fist instead of a high five I think of double the fist and hence Simon. When I see Hawaiian shirts I think of Pol, when I see hawaiian flower shirts I think of Allan, when I see anything artistic, cute or strange I think of Prue and when I see some fucking awful teenager in eyeliner and black band tee I think of the deck days.

Do you trust all of your friends?
The ones mentioned above.

Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
Really depends if I care. I never care unless the weather decides I should.

What do you do when you have a bad day?
I storm through it silent as the grave

If someone is doing something that upsets you, do you tell them?
Only if it is something that they have repeated, or offends me greatly. Or if they are just plain fucking rude. Bus drivers frequently cop my heated complaints.

Does anyone completely understand you?
uhh that's a scary thought.

Is it usually easy for someone to make you smile?
Yeah, but not just anyone can crack a real smile from me.

Who was the last person to comment you?
When the fuck did 'comment' become a verb you could use in this format. Gah. Awful syntax... just fucking awful.
I don't remember, and if I go check, I probably can't be fucked coming back here and editing my answer. - Again Pol speaks the truth

Do you get depressed about things easily?
painful things, sure.

What will you do after this?
Go get some soup and have a sit down.

What was your dream about last night?
Not a clue

Do you believe exes can be friends?
I can believe in weirder shit. - HAHAHA

Where is your biological father right now?
Downstairs on the couch

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Not everyone.

What are you planning to do tomorrow?
be 6 and do as little as humanely possible.

Where do you live?
in a semi finished pigsty with a choice view and people.


well I laughed.

Posted on 2009.03.12 at 20:23
Residing: raincloud land
Feeling: tiredbut good
BANNED FROM K- MART...........

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.


After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her
husband accompany her on her trips to K -Mart.

Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping
boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she
loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter from
her local K -Mart.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and may be
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on lay -b y.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10 November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least ..

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Regards,K -Mart..

I survived Cyclone Hamish! I stayed at Nan's and got to listen to the wind at night. Sexy wind. Not flatulance friends! :D

I ate wayyy too much chocolate. watched wayyyy too much tv and got to sit wayyy too much on my arse. Cause work was off anyway, and cause I had to do things.

IT'S AMAZING. Not really, but yeah.

Channel 10 has guerilla gardeners on as a program which is slightly disturbing & Highly illegal! It is fabulous! http://www.guerillagardeners.com.au (I think) It sure beats Meerkats.

I did some weeding today at some beach that starts with M. Not Maroochy or Mooloolaba. It was tres awful. I have boring job search on tomorrow (such a bore) and then Saturday I have that youth project meeting and then I'm off to Brisbane to drink plonk with Honi! HURRAH! And then possibly jugger on Sunday. Cause of said plonk possibly not. Heee.

It is free dress tomorrow I'm going to wear my cat in the hat skirt and be 6. Cause I'm allowed. Everyone is dressing up as Pirates, which is so yesterday. I want to see just once someone turn up as a coat hanger. I mean common, be creative!

Gosh I might have to have a fancy dress partay. Nothing done before being the theme.

AHA! I could!

shout out

Life on the range

Posted on 2009.03.08 at 09:03
Feeling: sleepysleepy
I've had a wacky weekend. Far too much excitement for one day.

I woke up early yesterday to set up the Trainsition Town Cooran Trash and Treasure stall and sit there all day selling stuff. There was a great deal of good Jazz on so I went to investigate the band and ended up sining Summertime (and the living is easy) and Fever for Dad, since it was his Birthday.

I did ok by my standards, no complaints from the crowd but Dad couldn't let up afterwards, saying I hadn't sung into the mike properly (it was a shit mike) & that he couldn't hear me singing properly. Gee thanks. I ended up getting better rewarded words by a few people there coming up to me afterwards, so that was alright.

Then after that there was the Peak Oil movie: "Australia Running Empty" on in the hall we'd organised for our community with Lionel Orford from Brisbane, who is in the film; present for a Q&A session afterward. Lionel is an awesome guy, he's releasing a book soonish called Peak Capitalism.

He told me not to go looking online for the Executive Summary: http://members.optusnet.com.au/~lionelorford/Peak%20Capitalism%20exec%20summary.pdf - But here it is just in case I peaked your interest. :)

Lionel suggests that the executive summary should be read with intentions to read his full works, because it goes into much greater depth obviously and backs up his theories and already some who have great interest in Peak Oil having read this summary have decided they don't need to read the book and there you have it, and some are ripping it to shreds because that's what they do.

Lionel reckons he's going to take it down soon all because of that. Fair 'nough.

We were only 3/4 of the way through the Q&A when mum got a phone call that Nan had collapsed in grand style at a Birthday Party and was sent to Nambour Hospital, so we rushed off to see her. it was a long 6 hours and I started feeling pretty sick so I didn't have a great night but o wells. Nan is fine, mums already left to get her.

Today is starting off swell, dad has informed us that a catergory 5 cyclone is just up the coast and could reach us if we aren't lucky. Yay.

At least there is Birthday mud cake in the fridge.

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