Tags: internet

word can help write your suicide note

Presenting Channel 53's new Prophecy Dept

Offbeat news? How about tomorrow's offbeat news today? Presenting Channel 53's all-new Department of Prophecy.

Most of you don't know this, but I'm a bit of an armchair futurist, but I've always kept my predictions to myself (except when very drunk or trying to bore my fiancee to sleep). Some of my earlier predictions have turned out right. Therefore, since some people are stupid enough to believe the likes of Harold Camping and Pat Robertson; and because I got tired of yelling "I knew it!" when I saw it coming; I present an all-new prophecy prediction futurism category department thingy to this deranged and unread LJ. Also, because my friend Kailash kept nagging me to blog or write my insane and/or genius thoughts, and I finally caved in, because after all there's only so much porn one can watch etc. etc.

All so when the world ends, I can yell "I told you so" and then die right along with the rest of you, as though this means anything.

Prediction: Internet anonymity as we know it will die.
Likelihood: 100%
Timeline: within a week to three years.
Reference: MPAA / RIAA, piracy, censorship, The Great Firewall of China, pornography, child pornography, Wikileaks, Facebook, Anonymous, hacktivism, Twitter revolutions.

The day will soon come when there will be no internet anonymity whatsoever. You will possibly need some kind of an ID card to get online, much like you need a passport and visa to visit a foreign country. There are too many powerful forces pushing for this and too few against it for this prediction not to come true.

And speaking of ID, based on all the information up to this point, that ID card will be your Facebook account. Terrifying, I know; and it's already happening right now. Facebook is all over the internet already, and many sites are using Facebook accounts as logins (including LiveJournal). Seriously, how many sites DON'T have a Facebook "like" or "Login with your Facebook account?" Conversely, there's been troubling hints that Facebook is pushing to link your account to your phone number or driver's license or Social Security Number, in the name of securing your account. Which really links your online profile to a tangible, trackable real-world name and ID. I also doubt it's a coincidence that Facebook has been so insistent that people tag their friends' faces, even adding code that automatically tags faces based on facial recognition. To be fair, Google also do this in Picasa. tl;dr What is in effect happening is the slow roll-out of Facebook: Your Internet Passport.

Piracy and online activism are currently the biggest factors involved here. The players involved are the usual MPAA/RIAA dickholes, as well as the Big Brother crowd. They've already tried vilifying piracy, which didn't really work, and is backfiring on them, what with single moms and college students getting sued for five and six figures per mp3. Contrast the masses' reaction to that, with the masses' reaction to Sony getting repeatedly hacked recently.

Wikileaks revealed the world governments' true feelings when it comes to the free flow of information on the internet. They're all for transparency as long as you're the one being watched and not them. The vilification of Julian Assange (whether you like him or not) and the deplorable and ongoing treatment of Bradley Manning, are telling clues about how our leaders and masters really feel.

Strategies that have been employed to demonize the internet and demonize anonymity have included scaremongering attempts at attacking pornography, to name one; and when that didn't work, child pornography. The odd story about online harassment leading to suicide and online bullying are subtler examples of this strategy to push for an online ID, or towards less anonymity. Which is why any story involving laws to protect minors online and proposals for new regulations, always, always triggers my bullshit detector.

Also note the media's push of late to readily demonize Anonymous and portray them as somehow "dangerous" to society for hacking corporations and general Anon pranks. Hardly coincidental.

Prediction: Republicans will blame Climate Change on Al Gore.
Likelihood: 50 - 75%
Timeline: within a few months to a year.
Reference: Climate Change, Climate Change denialism, Big Oil, "Revolving door" politics, Fox News, Extreme Weather, Religion, Christianity

The inevitable, disastrous and accelerating effects of Climate Change will reach a point where it can no longer be denied by anyone except perhaps Sarah Palin. At which point, I predict the Religious Right and their media will react the same way they react to natural disasters - by screaming that clearly the only possible explanation is that God is judging America for tolerating gay marriage, abortion and hybrid cars.

This is already in the works, what with the recent disasters in America with tornadoes and floods, including a tornado in freaking Massachusetts. I'm just waiting for the bullshit machine to start vomiting its propaganda on us any minute now.

You read it here first.

On a slightly related tangent, I never cease to find it hilarious / disgusting that media sources breathlessly push so hard to portray Climate Change as a hoax... while at the same time, blithely mentioning that brand new commercial shipping routes have been formed cutting through the Arctic circle, and that Arctic Circle countries are quietly circling each other snarling over territorial claims to the North Pole (and its oil and gas reserves that have been unreachable until now). Notably underreported and downplayed.

Prediction: 3D printing will be the biggest paradigm-shifting revolution since computers.
Likelihood: 90%
Timeline: within the next five years, at the most.
Reference: 3D printing, piracy, file sharing, open source, The Information Age
You know that bullshit MPAA slogan, "you wouldn't download a car?" The truth is more like, you can't download a car. Yet.

3D printing isn't new technology, but it's gotten increasingly more sophisticated and complex, to the point that the other day, some eggheads 3D printed a working, rideable bicycle. There have been breakthroughs in materials as well as the printing, where the materials used to print out of have gotten stronger and lighter. The holy grail in the 3D printing world is to create a 3D printer that can create another working 3D printer.

Prediction: Hygiene theory combined with MRSA / flu style global pandemic.
Likelihood: 50% (too many variables)
Timeline: within a week to twenty years
See: Hygiene theory, superbugs, MRSA, drug resistance, poverty, big pharma, evolution
In other words, not only will the human race be decimated by a plague; it will be the filthiest, dirtiest, poorest humans that survive it.

More internet scrapings when things at work get a little less insane. Till then, remember: it's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.
word can help write your suicide note

Internet Scrapings, Offbeat News and Other Oddities

Today is Bradley Manning's birthday. He's not really celebrating it, being that he's in solitary confinement, his health is failing, and his country's leaders are calling for him to get the death penalty because he followed his conscience and did the right thing.

Meanwhile, there's a WikiLeaks cable that details how US contractor DynCorp sold child prostitutes to Afghan police officers as part of a bacha bazi party. Real, actual evidence of sexual crimes with victims who could not possibly consent. Where's the Interpol red notice?
Larry Flint donates $50,000 to Assange's defense fund. "Julian Assange should not face a prison sentence. We should have a ticker-tape parade for this brave man."

Cracked.com: 7 Insanely Advanced Weapons History Somehow Forgot About.

Cracked.com: 17 Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped (Part 7)

Will men stare at nice breasts? Yes. Will men stare at nice breasts long enough for someone to take a sample of their DNA and charge them $4300 without their knowledge? ...Yes

Headline by Fark. "Caitlin Raymond International, a bone-marrow registry in New England, decided that the best way to get more DNA swabs — which would mean more potential donor matches in their records — would be to appeal to a man's libido. So they hired models, decked out in the "sexy scientist" uniform of heels, short skirts, and lab coats, to approach men at malls and ballparks and flirt with them until they handed over the DNA goods. The only problem? They didn't exactly tell the guys what they were getting into."

Brazilian TV clown elected to high office.

"Brazilian TV clown Francisco Oliveira (AKA Tiririca) has been elected to the Brazilian government, running on such slogans as "What does a federal deputy do? I have no idea -- but vote for me and I'll let you know." He was required to take a literacy test (which he narrowly passed) before taking office."

Britain's ugliest dog finally finds a loving home.

"With his bug eyes, wildly crooked teeth and sparsely-whiskered chin, scrawny Ug sat for months, unclaimed and overlooked at an animal sanctuary. But now, after being dubbed Britain’s ugliest dog, the two-year-old’s less-than-enticing looks have landed him a loving home."

Oopsie? Maricopa County jail mistakenly releases inmate because of court clerical error.

"Bruce was originally arrested by Glendale police on suspicion of multiple felony charges that were sexual in nature including kidnapping, sexual abuse, burglary, unlawful imprisonment and aggravated assault. Police spokesman Gerald Sydnor said the charges were related to incidents that involved three different victims. Further details about the crimes were not released. Bruce is 6 feet tall and weighs 175 pounds with brown-and-gray hair and blue eyes. A mugshot provided by the Sheriff's Office shows Bruce wearing a beard."

Drunk Serbian kills shark on Egyptian beach by jumping on it, apparently.

Danish politician calls for topless women to scare away immigrants.

"Peter Skaarup, foreign policy spokesman for the Danish People's Party, is calling on the government to consider the idea, the UK's Telegraph reported. He says that including the shots of sunbathing women in a video screened as part of an immigration test would emphasise the point that Demnark is an open, free society. However doubts have been raised about the idea, with Naser Khader, a member of the Danish parliament and founder of the Moderate Muslims movement, say it wouldn't work... "It's quite the opposite, fundamentalists are so obsessed with sex that they will be pouring in over the borders." Mr Skaarup said that a similar documentary in Holland showed bare breasts, and that Denmark should follow their example.

Volunteer Bridge Guard Has Saved 144 Lives.

"This very special lifeguard wears no uniform, isn’t paid anything for his work and has never even gotten wet in the course of his self-appointed duties."

Skunk ruins Christmas for under-privileged children by spraying foul stench over $16,000 of donated gifts.

The New York Fire Department was called to a party thrown by rapper Sean "Diddy" Combs after a model's hair caught fire. The bikini-clad model's hair shot up in flames after she leaned back over a candle while having a bubble bath on Tuesday night at the party held at London NYC on West 54th Street, Manhattan.

A motorcyclist claims an Austin police officer who was texting while driving ran a stop sign and creamed him, hurting him so badly he needed 12 surgeries.
Technically he wasn't texting but using his police laptop thing.

Drunk rugby team gets hold of a two-ton grass roller and send it rolling towards female rugby player sleeping in a tent. Fortunately, she was able to stop it. With her face, that is.

Newsroom: Weather Channel Accused of Pro-Weather Bias.

Woman spends ten years battling cancer, finally wins, only to be killed by a teenage drunk driver.
"Melva May Smiler, 55, had just beaten the cancer she had been battling for 10 years when 19-year-old Faaotaota Faaotaota, who was nearly five times over the youth drink driving limit, crossed the centre line and smashed into her car, killing her... Faaotaota was convicted of drink driving just a month before the crash."
Merry Christmas.

Wood Chipper Bites the leg that feeds it.
""Carreon, a resident of Rainbow, was using his foot to push a large pile of branches through the chipper, when his foot became entangled and was pulled into the chipper... His son was able to stop the chipper and pulled his father out but by then, Carreon had already sustained major trauma to his lower extremities.""
Headline by The Daily Rotten.

If your girlfriend sets your crotch on fire while you sleep, you might just be dating a psycho.
"Sheldon Gonzales said he was asleep on his couch Tuesday night when he was suddenly "awakened by a burning sensation in the crotch of his pants," according to a report from the Broward Sheriff's Office. Standing over Gonzales was girlfriend Berlinda Dixon-Newbold, cigarette lighter in hand.

Wow Fred you sure got here fast (Headline by The Daily Rotten)
"A 32-year-old volunteer firefighter is suspected of starting numerous arson fires in the NW Georgia town of LaFayette, then responding to help put the fires out... Chase has admitted to starting many of the fires, and was often the first on the scene when fire crews responded. "Personally, I don't believe he did it, but you don't really know people now days."

Man busted for operating mobile bar and pharmacy in his SUV.

"Guards at a privately run prison in Arizona stripped, beat and kicked inmates and threatened to kill them, banged their heads on tables while they were handcuffed, and "the warden himself" joined in threatening their families, 18 inmates say in state court.
"The beatings occured at the Saguaro Correctional Center in Eloy, Ariz., to which Hawaii sent its prisoners to be held by Corrections Corporation of America, the nation's largest private prison company."

Silvio Berlusconi's television channel has refused to air a new advert for the Renault Twingo as it features a seductive bedroom scene between two women.

More and more elderly people are faking illnesses in order to go to a hospital just so they don't have to spend Christmas alone.

"Feeling the Future: Experimental Evidence for Anomalous Retroactive Influences on Cognition and Affect," the paper presents evidence from nine experiments involving over 1,000 subjects suggesting that events in the future may influence events in the past.

10,000 Child Porn Images Found On Ex-TSA Worker’s Computer: Epidemic of TSA screeners connected with rape, pedophilia and sexual perversion explodes.

"Honest, Officer, those drugs hidden in my vagina are not mine".

Air New Zealand unveils ad billboards with the slogan "Fares lower than your grandma's boobs". Surprisingly, this offends some people.

World's largest camel beauty contest begins in Abu Dhabi.

Larry Flynt: Why I Am Donating $50,000 to WikiLeaks' Defense Fund.

Senator Al Franken: Why I voted to extend tax cuts for millionaires.

US diplomatic cables released by Wikileaks show that the government of Cuba banned Michael Moore's 2007 documentary, Sicko, "because it painted such a 'mythically' favourable picture of Cuba's healthcare system that the authorities feared it could lead to a 'popular backlash', according to US diplomats in Havana."

Bank of America sued by Arizona, Nevada over mortgage modifications.

Woman gets married, six months later, discovered her husband was really a woman and not a man.
"It took more than six months for 27-year-old Minati Khatua here in Rourkela to realise that she had married a woman and not a man. But when she realised, her 'husband' had by then vanished with a car and a jeep bought with loans taken from a bank in her name."

White House Commission: Biologists Can Engineer Custom Organisms Without Federal Regulation.

TheOnion: Barack Obama - Either Doing His Best In One of The Most Difficult Times In American History, Or Hitler.

Officials: CIA gave waterboarders $5M legal shield.

Russian wedding photographer takes her job to a high form of art.

Can someone explain to me how rich people's finance works? Michael Vick, who declared bankruptcy with $20 million debt and is under a bank supervised budget, bought his girlfriend a $90,000 Porsche for her birthday.
Headline by Reddit.

Atlanta school superintendent gets 44 percent pay raise while teachers are laid off and getting mandatory furloughs amid county deficits.

The Largest Prison Strike In American History Goes Ignored By US Media.
  • Current Music
    Stereophonics - I Wouldn't Believe Your Radio
  • Tags
word can help write your suicide note

(no subject)

Complete ACTA text finally leaked online, available for download off The Pirate Bay.

"Last April, the US Trade Representative explained to us that the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement had to stay secret in order to provide room for negotiating. In fact, ACTA was so inchoate that "a comprehensive set of proposals for the text of the agreement does not yet exist." In other words: there's nothing to release.

That was true in early 2009, but by 2010, there was such a comprehensive set of proposals—and still we got nothing from the ACTA negotiating nations, except a long series of piecemeal leaks that appear to have emanated from Europe. This week, those leaks became a flood as French digital rights group La Quadrature du Net released a complete copy of ACTA's consolidated text, filled with various textual proposals from the different negotiating countries."
word can help write your suicide note

Found on 4chan. What?

Um. Wow. I tripped balls when I read this, and it took me a while, coz my Hindi sucks. I found this on 4chan, and I'm like, who would have made this? More to the point, who would have gotten it? Are there a lot of Indian 4channers mad that there aren't enough Hindi image macros? And what's with the three wolf moon shirt?

Seriously, how many people in the world would be bizarre / diverse / confused enough to get this? This is a LOT of very culture-specific randomity intersecting way too many unrelated references O.O

Oh. What it says:

"America: Give us your oil, motherfucker!"

I mean literally. It's not even a bad translation, that's pretty much exactly what it says.
word can help write your suicide note

New protests in Iran

word can help write your suicide note

BREAKING NEWS: AT&T blocking 4chan. Oh god.

BreakingNews: CentralGadget.com: AT&T states that they have requested specific changes from 4chan’s owners, and that 4chan has not complied.

BreakingNews: CentralGadget.com: AT&T has confirmed that they are “currently blocking portions of the internet site 4chan.org”.

From 4chan: Update:

Headline: Techcrunch: AT&T reportedly blocks 4chan. This is going to get ugly.
In other words, AT&T has just opened perhaps the most vindictive, messy can of worms it could have possibly found. Blocking any site is an extreme breach of user trust, but the decision to block 4chan in particular just seems stupid. Expect the web equivalent of rioting if this doesn’t change soon.

*grabs internet popcorn*

ETA: I've been hearing disturbing theories among the comments of some tech sites that this is a deliberate, clever ploy by AT&T and others to get Anonymous to attack, so they can be revealed as vile despicable CP-posting scum, therefore further justifying internet censorship. Which is even more worrying.

ETA 2: Now there's talk that 4chan is under a massive DDOS attack and the block has been lifted.