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23 July 2011 @ 10:00 pm
Internet Scrapings, etc.  

Cracked.com: 6 Famous People Whose Identities We Still Don't Know.

Sheikh has workers toil for weeks to have his name carved into the desert so it's visible from space.

Waterfalls flow upwards in extreme winds (southern Australia). Insert your own upside-down joke here.

Swiss man tries to 9/11 his estranged mom's house with a light aircraft after calling her and saying "are you home? I'm just about to drop by." Mom survives because she happened to be in the basement.

Meanwhile, in Copenhagen: Spermcycles.

"The 'sperm bike' is used to carry donor samples to fertility clinics around Copenhagen in an environmentally-friendly way, and it also serves as an attention-grabbing advertisement for the sperm bank."

Reformed Nazi Twin Singers: “Cannabis Saved My Life”

“I can’t bear other woman falling in love with you. Kill me, let’s go to hell,” said his ex-girlfriend, handing him the knife she had just used to slice off his penis.

You might want to find a new career if you're training to be a zookeeper and accidentally kill a giraffe on one of your first days.

Cops interrupt wedding in Ireland because it appears fake. And by fake they mean interracial.

Runs in the family: Mom and daughter get DUIs an hour apart.

A malnourished monkey caused panic among Chinese villagers who mistook him for a creature from outer space.

Horse rescued from basement after falling through window well.

Meanwhile, in Australia: Dog bites shark.

Two 14-year-olds moon their friends for a laugh, end up on the sex offenders registry.

North Korea and Iran are jointly working on weapons programmes designed to build a long-range missile capable of carrying a nuclear warhead.

"British scientists are calling for a new agency to oversee the mixing of human and animal DNA, which is progressing at a rate most may not be aware of..."

A handy well-illustrated guide on how Dexter does his job, or how Blood Spatter Analysis works.

Shanghai university teacher: if you cannot afford an iPad, you are not qualified to be my student.

Poll: Only 52% of Americans approve of Almighty God’s performance.

"Every centimeter increase in penis size accounted for a 5 to 7 percent reduction in economic growth... The study also showed that overall GDP was at its highest in countries with average-sized penises with GDP falling at the extremes of penis length."

Bond girl commits suicide by drinking acid.

"If I can't be a District Judge and use my penis pump at the same time, I'll just drive around and get wasted" [Followup]

Bill Gates to reinvent toilets. Probably still won't be as shitty as Windows Vista.

How to make cheating dice.

Warren Buffett visits a hot dog food truck, likes it so much, offers to buy it. The owner (unclear whether he recognized Buffett) tells him he doesn't have enough money.

Coal-Themed Sculpture Annoys Lawmakers.

Rush Limbaugh: The Killer 116° Heat Index is ‘Manufactured by the Government’

Intelligent Design, by the Founding Fathers.

One can, one condom: fighting AIDS in Africa using Coke bottles.

A convert to Muslim was pinned down and lashed 40 times for drinking alcohol, in accordance with Sharia law, in rural Pakistan. Oh wait, sorry, I mean: in Sydney, Australia.

Pot-smoking diabetic woman receives $125,000 settlement after police arrested her, confiscated her blood testing kit, refused to let her check her blood sugar or self-administer insulin. She ended up in hospital, her blood sugar three times higher than normal level.

Rabbi lures Israeli man under the pretense of collaborating on a book about the Talmud. The Rabbi then handcuffed, blindfolded and robbed the man, beat him up while wearing a cowboy hat, showed him a body bag and threatened to bury him alive if he didn't grant his wife a divorce.

Study shows voter turnout can be increased with simple word change.

Annual Deaths from Obesity vs. Anorexia.
Sources: http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/news/testimony/obesity07162003.htm http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11513012

Cop claims his wife gave birth to seven-headed snake because she worships the Devil. She has since quit, but now vomits liters blood, live worms, fish, and spiders. Don't know what they're smoking down there in Swaziland but it sounds like some strong shit.

Ohio Homeland Security fired its Muslim liaison officer because he objected to its use of tax dollars to create programs "asserting that all Central Ohio Muslims and Arabs were terrorists or terrorism sympathizers" and included a picture of him as an example of a terrorist sympathizer.

Drunk driver hits woman and her three kids, his third hit-and-run. The mother convicted of vehicular homicide, gets 36 months, because they weren't crossing on a crosswalk. The driver gets 6 months.

India’s First ‘Slut Walk’ Takes Place in Bhopal; about 50 men and women came, despite nearly 5,000 registrations on its Facebook page. more than half were males.

Suppressed Report Found Busted Pirate Site Users Were Good Consumers: some pirate site users treat these services as a preview to buy more DVDs, visit the cinema more often and on average spend more than their ‘honest’ counterparts at the box office.

Teen kills parents, hides bodies during house party.

"A court has rejected a 60-year-old man’s attempt to invoke the ancient right to trial by combat, rather than pay a £25 fine for a minor motoring offence."

Seriously freaking unsafe sex: Couple has sex in mosque, get caught.

Son of Medicis CEO Jonah Shacknai dies, days after dad's girlfriend found hanging dead at mansion.

Bangladeshi police have said they were investigating the case of a man forced to parade naked through his village with a brick tied to his penis as punishment for kidnapping and marrying a minor.

Monkey bites off baby boy's testicle.

Dog saved from death row after singing Happy Birthday.

Deputies: Man burned while siphoning gas with leaf blower, narrowly misses Darwin Award.

A woman opened fire on a puppy that had threatened children, but wound up shooting and killing her husband.

Fun fact: In 2004, Fox News argued before Florida courts that a news organization has no legal obligation to tell the truth in their newscasts... and won.

Internal Fox news emails show concerted efforts to mislead about and undermine the Obama administration.

Wild Parrot parents teach their young a distinct series of sounds used to recognize a specific individual. In short, they give them names.

Not news: woman groped by TSA agent. News: woman gropes TSA agent back.

Straight Man Who ‘Appears to Be’ Gay Rejected by Blood Center.

During this morning’s Senate DOMA hearings, Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) destroyed Focus on the Family’s Tom Minnery’s argument that children are better off with opposite-sex parents by demonstrating how Minnery misrepresented an HHS study. The study — which Minnery cited to oppose marriage equality — actually found that children do best in two-parent households, regardless of the parents’ gender.

DHS Video Characterizes White Americans as Most Likely Terrorists.

City hires 600 goats.

Two men arrested for pretending to get arrested.
Current Location: Vasant Vihar, New Delhi
Current Mood: horny