September 9th, 2011

word can help write your suicide note

Internet Scrapings, Offbeat News and Other Bizarre Oddities is Terrorism and Earthquake Proof 6 Mind-Blowing Ways Zombies and Vampires Explain America.

TheOatmeal: What we SHOULD have been taught in our senior year of high school.

A self-professed Christian goes on a murderous rampage and kills nearly 100 people. Is he a True Christian? 83% of Americans don’t think so. Meanwhile, if a group of self-identified Muslims fly a plane into a building, should they be considered True Muslims? 44% of Americans say yes.

Patriot Act search warrants overwhelmingly used for drugs.

Man proposes to girlfriend through tattoo.

Man goes on holiday, leaving his seven dogs starving for two weeks. So they ate him upon his return.

NatGeo: New Shark Species Found in Taiwanese Food Market.

Bear crashes Prius during test drive.

And now: electric motor made from single molecule.

Brother and sister caught on CCTV having sex in railway station lift.

Do dolphins mourn their dead? New evidence suggests that dolphins, like elephants and the great apes, may comprehend their own mortality.

The Chinese want to capture an asteroid, manipulating its orbit so it orbits Earth, and then mine it.

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson to be the voice of sat nav. How hard can it be?

Big pharma company's CEO's son was found dead having fallen down a flight of stairs, while his girlfriend was found dead hanging from the ceiling with her hands and feet tied together. Cops rule the child's death an accident, and the girlfriend's death a suicide.

Female vampire arrested for trying to eat elderly man.

Drunk elk gets stuck in apple tree.

Russian man accidentally kills wife with homemade missile.

65-year-old great-grandmother gets boob job, now dating 25-year-old men armed with F-cups.

Gumby attempts to rob 7-Eleven, fails.

Miss Universe entrant reprimanded for not wearing underpants, having her crotch out in public.

All round condemnation of terror attacks kills one terrorist [satire].
"In the first ever instance of its kind, a terrorist died yesterday after hearing all round condemnation of terrorism by leaders in India and around the world. The terrorist, whose name has been requested to be withheld by his organization, couldn’t sustain the massive blows that were falling on him from all corners as one leader after another condemned the cowardly and dastardly act of killing defenseless people by planting bombs at civilian places."

"Police are investigating the death of an Arkansas man whose naked body was allegedly found next to a sleeping TV weatherman in a hot tub after a night of drinking and drugs."

Man with a shirt wrapped around his head arrested for attacking a door tells police he's "Double Dragon" and will "fight everyone"

Norton's latest Cybercrime report: People who fall victim to malware are statistically more likely to be mugged in real life too.

Woman armed with scooter tussles with woman armed with urinating beagle

Man moons traffic, gets hit by car.

Find My iPhone app helps find wreckage of Chilean plane crash.

Earlier: Chile enlists psychic in search for plane crash victims.

South Korean Censor Board censors its own censor.

"Yes, I can see you're treating a girl who's having an epileptic seizure, but would you mind getting me a milkshake?" [Headline by Fark]

Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz fired over the phone.

Worst date ever: Girl goes on date, ends up as getaway driver for robbery.

Father sues facebook for not being a better father than he is.

Doctor plans to build community center to honor his mother. He's also Muslim, so obviously he's a terrorist building a jihad warrior training camp, according to his neighbors in Texas.

Al-Jazeera reporter visits high school football game in Texas on assignment to "talk to people of all walks of life about the wide-ranging impact (or not) of 9/11 on American life." Hilarity and/or ignorance ensue.

Bank of America 'called grieving widow 48 times a day to remind her of husband's debt'

Malaysia attempting to sell biological weapons to China.
Headline by Fark.

A 25-year-old Cambodian man who ate his hunting partner’s dog after it was killed in a monkey attack was shot dead by the canine’s owner with a crossbow.

Terrorists target nanotechnology experts, fearing a future of Grey Goo - self-replicating nanocyborgs.

A pilot was communicating by radio with her boyfriend, also a pilot, before their planes collided in the air over Alaska last week, killing him. She made an emergency landing with one wing seriously damaged.

Hundreds of mourners that gathered for a traditional Greek Orthodox funeral service near Athens were in for a surprise when they were served cocaine-coated biscuits.

Two Mexicans face terrorism charges and 30 years in prison for re-Tweeting what turned out to be false information about a school shooting in progress, triggering panic and chaos.

Man goes to eat a burger, gets upset and emotional over a piece of colored cloth on a stick.

The company that brought us the Taser is now working on video surveillance equipment for cops.

County switches off speed cameras. Three times as many drivers start breaking the speed limit, but the number of casualties / deaths from accidents remains unchanged.

Authorities in Iran are paranoid and angry that foreign forces are conspiring to make Iranians in sweltering heat break into water-gun and water-balloon fights in parks.

WikiLeaks: Microsoft training may have helped Tunisian regime to spy on its citizens.

Guy honks at cop for turning in front of him. Cop makes guy get out of car at gunpoint, calls for backup, and cop and two more cops repeatedly Tazer him for ten straight minutes, using five cartridges, till he stops breathing.

Man suing Raleigh NC police officer James Rollins, Wake County and its sheriff for breaking his leg with a sweep-kick when Rollins arrested him for possession of a taco. They then dragged him before a judge who sentenced him to 30 days for contempt because he failed to stand on his broken leg.

Cops beating up woman + bystanders recording with video cameras = bystanders also beat up, cameras broken, then charged with disorderly conduct etc.

Suit claims Town of Enfield Connecticut 911 dispatcher Paul Meunier cancelled an ambulance for a woman badly mauled by a dog after he realized it was his dog, delaying the surgery she needed for many hours.

Swede charged with "shooting down UFOs"

The CIA rendition flights, where dozens of alleged terrorists were captured and transported to secret prisons, were all authorized by a State Department official who probably does not exist.

Homelessness could spread to middle class, Crisis study warns.

It was obviously an inside job. Who are they protecting? Why won't they tell us the truth? [x-post from r/pics]

Sword-wielding bicyclist threatens to cut pedestrian in half.

Massage Parlor Mistrial Declared After Masseuse Recognizes Defense Lawyer as Client.

Bacteria living in your guts may dictate your personality and control your mind.

Also: Evidence now indicates that antibiotic use leads to permanent disappearance of your gut bacteria. Worse, this is linked to certain forms of allergies and cancers. Even worse, the damage is inherited. A mother who misses certain species will be unable to pass them on to her offspring.

Everything that is wrong with Americans, in one article. With brain-scarring pics.

This is what Americans now think freedom is.
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