January 19th, 2009

word can help write your suicide note

Internet Scrapings and Offbeat News are made of candy and cure cancer.


Cracked: Eight racist words you didn't know you use everyday.




Belkin’s development rep is hiring people to write fake positive Amazon reviews.
Also, a followup.



Austin Powers' Mini Me boasted that he once had a fivesome orgy in The Playboy Mansion with three bunnies and a male friend.
Verne Troyer proved his size really didn’t matter—by having an all-night orgy with THREE Playboy bunnies. The Mini-Me actor grinned: “I just know EXACTLY how to make a woman feel like a woman. I know the spot. And that night I proved it.”



Superuseless Superpowers,
a blog cataloguing the most useless superpowers one could be blessed with.</a> Pictured: Bulletproof skin that activates after you get shot 12 times.



Scrabble keyboard is awesome.



The history of the Bush W. legacy, in headlines.

Counterterrorism people hail their newest weapon against Al-Qaeda: The Black Death, a.k.a. bubonic plague.
At least 40 al-Qaeda fanatics died horribly after being struck down with the disease that devastated Europe in the Middle Ages... “It spreads quickly and kills within hours. This will be really worrying al-Qaeda.”

Oprah loves Kate Winslet's boobies.
Oprah raved about them: “I love that you have real breasts, because in all the breast scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do."

Another recession-proof industry: The Dutch sex trade.
Amsterdam - Despite an economic slowdown and a credit crisis, Dutch sex shops and businesses offering erotic services appear to be doing just fine. A phone inquiry by Deutsche Presse-Agentur dpa among several leading sex shops and erotic business owners in Amsterdam indicates the erotic sector is relatively stable.

22 year old man rapes 101 year old woman.

The government is trying to stimulate a lot of things, the economy, Wall St., the mortgage industry, and now it wants to motivate you to get rid of your clunker of a car for the good of the country (and the moribund car industry). A "Cash for Clunkers" measure introduced this week by US Senators Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.), Susan Collins (R-Maine), and Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) would set up a national voucher program to encourage drivers to voluntarily trade in their older, less fuel efficient car, truck or SUV for a car that gets better gas mileage.

13 year old girl strip searched for Ibuprofen.

In breaking news, there still are people in this world dumb enough to fall for Nigerian email scammers. 22 year-old John Rempel gave Nigerian scammers $150,000 while chasing what he thought was a $12.8 million inheritance.

Artist "stupified and outraged" at discovering fakes... at own art show.

Hindu priest to be among spiritual leaders in Obama's inauguration prayer. Shitstorm in 3... 2... 1...

Bollywood actor Anil Kapoor, who plays the role of a game show host in the internationally acclaimed film 'Slumdog Millionaire', has donated his fee from the film
to a Delhi based charity working for child development.


Man proposes to girl, gets rejected, shoots girl and then self. The girl is recovering, the guy's dead.

Taliban in Pakistan declare education for women "unislamic," close village schools, issue death threats.

The health-related side effects of riding a bicycle.

Man beats up underage girlfriend and burns her to a crisp for allegedly cheating on her.

Washington - A nudist club near Washington is offering to bail out people stuck for accommodation during next week's inauguration of president-elect Barack Obama, but you have to be a bit of a bare-devil to take up the offer. You have to get naked. Certainly, that's only to be expected at a nudist club, and, this being the dead of winter, you don't have to stay naked all the time. And, furthermore, staff at the Pinetree Club near Annapolis, Maryland, will break you in gently to the idea of being in the buff.

Most awesome thieves ever steal cop car wheels. When officers from Isipingo Metro Police arrived at work at 6am one day last week, they were greeted by the sight of one of their vehicles up on bricks.

Grandfather becomes grandmother after Britain's oldest sex change at 64. Sadly, no pic :(

79 year old man crashes home-made plane.

Man tries to win argument with his wife by chasing her around the house with a chainsaw. It is unclear if he won the argument. Also, Florida.

California doctor pleads not guilty for intentionally injuring two cyclists by slamming on his brakes in front of them because he was "tired of them."

Heavy breathing interrupts BBC newscast.

Helicopter pilot was texting before crash, which killed him.

Because giant iguanas, fire ants and killer bees aren't insane enough everyday problems for Florida to deal with, now Lionfish have moved in too. Just as pythons have disturbed the natural ecosystem of the Everglades, the lionfish could someday become a scourge of the Keys. A Bluto Blutarsky of the water kingdom, it will eat anything it can cram into its mouth -- sea horses, crustaceans and all manner of native fish -- and is a breeding machine. Also, it stings divers, painfully. On the plus side, though, they're delicious.

Man gets stabbed, goes back to bar to finish beer first.

Swedish court orders treatement for Coke addict. Coca-Cola addict, that is.

Idiot decides not to tell her son that his guinnea pig is dead, decides to tell CNN instead.

Mother-of-the-year candidate loans car to friend, leaves 1-year-old in back seat. Friend drives to crack house to score some drugs, leaves engine running. Car thief takes car, dumps 1-year-old in yard of random house, trades car for drugs. Florida. Headline borrowed from Fark.
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