December 18th, 2008

word can help write your suicide note

Internet scrapings

Gadget retailer launches intentionally crappy gift wrapping service.

Husbands and boyfriends who don't want their wives and girlfriends to know that they bought their gifts online instead of taking the time to go out shopping in the real world will appreciate the CrapWrap service. is paying 20 of its male forklift truck drivers and warehouse assistants to wrap presents as quickly as possible, using ugly brown duct tape and very little care. Kevin Smith, 29, is proud to be the worst wrapper at the company's London warehouse. He said: "I am rubbish. We're not given any instructions. I'm just asked to make a hash of it using lots of brown tape and making sure there are rips and untidy folds.

The perfect gift for your beloved boy-trapped-in-an-adult-man's body: A radio controlled toy tank so powerful it can tow your car.

Cracked: Seven images too badass to be real (but totally are).
Bricks were indeed shat.

15 of the world’s most adorable miniature animals.

Diabetes, etc.

Actual headline: San Francisco overrun with drunken, smoking, half-naked Santas again.

Bottles of acid dropped from skyscrapers in Hong Kong, injuring 46.

Former studets of The Florida School for Boys - now in their 60s - allege that unspeakable acts of torture happened at that reform school nearly half a century ago and that boys died, and that their deaths were covered up.
When boys disappeared from the school, administrators explained it away... "They'd say, well, he ran away and the swamp got him," Kiser recalled. Kiser and other former students believe authorities will soon find the remains of children and teens sent to the Florida School for Boys half a century ago... He said he was forced to lie face down in a blood-soaked pillow -- a pillow with small pieces of lips, tongue and skin on it from the previous boy. He'd clench the metal bar of the bed. The ceilings were low. He would hear the strap hit the ceiling and make a "tick" sound before it swung down on him. Kiser said the beatings provided entertainment for the guards and administrators. "There were bets, and money changed hands on who could draw blood on the first blow," he said... ...He walked into the school's laundry room one day and saw a black teenager inside a large tumble dryer that was running...

Your tax dollars at work: Crimes by air marshals raise concern.
"Shawn Nguyen bragged that he could sneak anything past airport security using his top-secret clearance as a federal air marshal. And for months, he smuggled cocaine and drug money onto flights across the country, boasting to an FBI informant that he was the man with the golden badge... Michael McGowan used his position as an air marshal to lure a young boy to his hotel room, where he showed him child porn, took pictures of him naked and sexually abused him... Since 9/11, more than three dozen federal air marshals have been charged with crimes, and hundreds more have been accused of misconduct, an investigation by ProPublica, a non-profit journalism organization, has found. Cases range from drunken driving and domestic violence to aiding a human-trafficking ring and trying to smuggle explosives from Afghanistan."

Weather rocket kills man during another funeral wake ceremony, then blows up his body later during his cremation.
The body of Wang Diange, from the Chinese province of Inner Mongolia, was found in the wreckage of a house where he had been overseeing the wake of a previous family funeral, after mourners felt a loud explosion which took off half the roof. As it was raining and thundery, they decided that the house, and Mr Wang in particular, had been struck by lightning. The police came to the same conclusion. Further inquiries were made a few days later after Mr Wang's own funeral. As his body was being put into the cremation chamber, it blew up spectacularly, bursting the doors off the oven.

Neighbor spat over noise leads to decapitation.

Baby born with foot, other body parts, embedded in brain. With awesome pic.

Gay couple's spats end with a series of burglaries, death threats, a stolen laptop, and an 8-month-old Pomeranian puppy being drowned in a bathtub and prepped for cooking, its body in a pan surrounded by sauces and spices, clearly being prepared to be cooked.
Quote by police superintendent: "They had been having problems." ORLY?

An ex-cop who is a suspect in the disappearance of his fourth wife and whose third wife died suspiciously in a bathtub is getting married for the fifth time.

Man gets arrested for speeding, steals the police car of the cop who was arresting him.

13 year old kills himself in solitary confiment cell in North Georgia special ed school. wait, what?

Scientists say they now have unambiguous evidence that the warming in the Arctic is accelerating.

15 year old brings loaded gun to school so he'd be "taken seriously." Cops only too happy to oblige in taking him seriously, charging him with a felony.

Man steals hearse idling at a funeral he was attending, goes on joyride, asks relatives if they want to join him, charges cop, gets shot, is in critical condition.

Man attempts to rob McDonald's, gets laughed at by cashier who tells him to go get a job.

How popular is the Iraqi reporter who threw his shoes at President Bush? An Egyptian man is offering his daughter to him.

Swimming trunks? $25. Bottle of scotch? $60. The director of the CIA George Tenet in the pool of a Saudi prince, ranting drunkenly about neocons and Jews? Priceless.

Japan concerned about marijuana use "because it is spreading in places like colleges, where it hardly existed before." ORLY?

Actual headline: Santa gets parking ticket while delivering toys.

30 ways you can get electrocuted to death, in retro illustrations.

What science fiction writers have learned about predicting the future of technology.

Asshole gets drunk on plane, goes home to beat up his wife, then sues the airline for serving him too much alcohol.

About that $50 billion pyramid scheme? The SEC knew about it but were ignoring it since 1999.

Muntadar "shoe-tossing Iraqi guy" al-Zaidi: jailed, beaten, status unknown.
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