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Internet Scrapings, etc.

Cracked.com: 6 Companies That Are Clearly Catering to Supervillains.

The Weirdest World Championships Ever.

America today: Heartbreaking Pictures From New Jersey's Homeless 'Tent City'.

Hooray for capitalism, God only helps those who help themselves, what recession? etc. etc.

How to grow your own bridge.

Mad science of the now: genetically engineered glow-in-the-dark cats are helping us find the cure for AIDS.

Arctic Sea Ice Sets New Record Low in 2011, Lowest Ever Recorded.

Sinking Pacific island Kiribati considers moving to a man-made alternative, contemplating relocating the entire population to man-made islands resembling giant oil rigs."

But remember, kids: Climate Change is a Liberal myth perpetrated by Al Gore.

Tropical Storm Lee blew in oily residues, thick tar mats, and tar balls onto the shore from Florida to Louisiana, confirming fears that the crude from BP's historic Gulf oil leak is far from gone.

How many days has it been since a prominent homophobe was caught in a gay scandal? Find out here!

Kepler Spacecraft discovers "invisible" planet.


St. Matthew Island: A must-read comic illustrating why we're all doomed.

"Why are you hostile towards religion? Why can't you just let people have their beliefs?" [nifty comic]

The War Against Christianity [another nifty comic].

Death industry reaps grim profit as Japan dies.

Pregnant teenager kills self and unborn child by sticking meth inside her vagina.
"They had got pulled over and she stuffed a quarter ounce insider her and when they got here they were going to take it back out, but there wasn't anything left but a bag."

The Last of the Aryans: "Nobody knows of their real origin or if they are indeed Aryans. But, regarded as long-lost members of a purebred ‘Master Race’ settled in the Himalayas, Brokpas attract curious visitors, some of who try to satisfy their fantasy of having pure Aryan babies"

Americans flee north to Canada for economic opportunity.
"Canadian officials say the number of Americans applying for temporary work visas doubled between 2008 and 2010... Americans make up the second-largest group of temporary workers in Canada, behind only Filipinos, most of whom work as nannies. Canada was one of the few to escape the 2008 financial meltdown relatively unscathed, a turn of events largely attributed to Ottawa’s long-standing refusal to deregulate the banking sector."

Mugshot of the now.

​Actual headline: "Gordon Ramsay Porn Dwarf Dead In Badger Lair"

Man shoots self while trying to shoot snake.
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Internet Scrapings, Offbeat News and Other Bizarre Oddities is Terrorism and Earthquake Proof

Cracked.com: 6 Mind-Blowing Ways Zombies and Vampires Explain America.

TheOatmeal: What we SHOULD have been taught in our senior year of high school.

A self-professed Christian goes on a murderous rampage and kills nearly 100 people. Is he a True Christian? 83% of Americans don’t think so. Meanwhile, if a group of self-identified Muslims fly a plane into a building, should they be considered True Muslims? 44% of Americans say yes.

Patriot Act search warrants overwhelmingly used for drugs.

Man proposes to girlfriend through tattoo.

Man goes on holiday, leaving his seven dogs starving for two weeks. So they ate him upon his return.

NatGeo: New Shark Species Found in Taiwanese Food Market.

Bear crashes Prius during test drive.

And now: electric motor made from single molecule.

Brother and sister caught on CCTV having sex in railway station lift.

Do dolphins mourn their dead? New evidence suggests that dolphins, like elephants and the great apes, may comprehend their own mortality.

The Chinese want to capture an asteroid, manipulating its orbit so it orbits Earth, and then mine it.

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson to be the voice of sat nav. How hard can it be?

Big pharma company's CEO's son was found dead having fallen down a flight of stairs, while his girlfriend was found dead hanging from the ceiling with her hands and feet tied together. Cops rule the child's death an accident, and the girlfriend's death a suicide.

Female vampire arrested for trying to eat elderly man.

Drunk elk gets stuck in apple tree.

Russian man accidentally kills wife with homemade missile.

65-year-old great-grandmother gets boob job, now dating 25-year-old men armed with F-cups.

Gumby attempts to rob 7-Eleven, fails.

Miss Universe entrant reprimanded for not wearing underpants, having her crotch out in public.

All round condemnation of terror attacks kills one terrorist [satire].
"In the first ever instance of its kind, a terrorist died yesterday after hearing all round condemnation of terrorism by leaders in India and around the world. The terrorist, whose name has been requested to be withheld by his organization, couldn’t sustain the massive blows that were falling on him from all corners as one leader after another condemned the cowardly and dastardly act of killing defenseless people by planting bombs at civilian places."

"Police are investigating the death of an Arkansas man whose naked body was allegedly found next to a sleeping TV weatherman in a hot tub after a night of drinking and drugs."

Man with a shirt wrapped around his head arrested for attacking a door tells police he's "Double Dragon" and will "fight everyone"

Norton's latest Cybercrime report: People who fall victim to malware are statistically more likely to be mugged in real life too.

Woman armed with scooter tussles with woman armed with urinating beagle

Man moons traffic, gets hit by car.

Find My iPhone app helps find wreckage of Chilean plane crash.

Earlier: Chile enlists psychic in search for plane crash victims.

South Korean Censor Board censors its own censor.

"Yes, I can see you're treating a girl who's having an epileptic seizure, but would you mind getting me a milkshake?" [Headline by Fark]

Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz fired over the phone.

Worst date ever: Girl goes on date, ends up as getaway driver for robbery.

Father sues facebook for not being a better father than he is.

Doctor plans to build community center to honor his mother. He's also Muslim, so obviously he's a terrorist building a jihad warrior training camp, according to his neighbors in Texas.

Al-Jazeera reporter visits high school football game in Texas on assignment to "talk to people of all walks of life about the wide-ranging impact (or not) of 9/11 on American life." Hilarity and/or ignorance ensue.

Bank of America 'called grieving widow 48 times a day to remind her of husband's debt'

Malaysia attempting to sell biological weapons to China.
Headline by Fark.

A 25-year-old Cambodian man who ate his hunting partner’s dog after it was killed in a monkey attack was shot dead by the canine’s owner with a crossbow.

Terrorists target nanotechnology experts, fearing a future of Grey Goo - self-replicating nanocyborgs.

A pilot was communicating by radio with her boyfriend, also a pilot, before their planes collided in the air over Alaska last week, killing him. She made an emergency landing with one wing seriously damaged.

Hundreds of mourners that gathered for a traditional Greek Orthodox funeral service near Athens were in for a surprise when they were served cocaine-coated biscuits.

Two Mexicans face terrorism charges and 30 years in prison for re-Tweeting what turned out to be false information about a school shooting in progress, triggering panic and chaos.

Man goes to eat a burger, gets upset and emotional over a piece of colored cloth on a stick.

The company that brought us the Taser is now working on video surveillance equipment for cops.

County switches off speed cameras. Three times as many drivers start breaking the speed limit, but the number of casualties / deaths from accidents remains unchanged.

Authorities in Iran are paranoid and angry that foreign forces are conspiring to make Iranians in sweltering heat break into water-gun and water-balloon fights in parks.

WikiLeaks: Microsoft training may have helped Tunisian regime to spy on its citizens.

Guy honks at cop for turning in front of him. Cop makes guy get out of car at gunpoint, calls for backup, and cop and two more cops repeatedly Tazer him for ten straight minutes, using five cartridges, till he stops breathing.

Man suing Raleigh NC police officer James Rollins, Wake County and its sheriff for breaking his leg with a sweep-kick when Rollins arrested him for possession of a taco. They then dragged him before a judge who sentenced him to 30 days for contempt because he failed to stand on his broken leg.

Cops beating up woman + bystanders recording with video cameras = bystanders also beat up, cameras broken, then charged with disorderly conduct etc.

Suit claims Town of Enfield Connecticut 911 dispatcher Paul Meunier cancelled an ambulance for a woman badly mauled by a dog after he realized it was his dog, delaying the surgery she needed for many hours.

Swede charged with "shooting down UFOs"

The CIA rendition flights, where dozens of alleged terrorists were captured and transported to secret prisons, were all authorized by a State Department official who probably does not exist.

Homelessness could spread to middle class, Crisis study warns.

It was obviously an inside job. Who are they protecting? Why won't they tell us the truth? [x-post from r/pics]

Sword-wielding bicyclist threatens to cut pedestrian in half.

Massage Parlor Mistrial Declared After Masseuse Recognizes Defense Lawyer as Client.

Bacteria living in your guts may dictate your personality and control your mind.

Also: Evidence now indicates that antibiotic use leads to permanent disappearance of your gut bacteria. Worse, this is linked to certain forms of allergies and cancers. Even worse, the damage is inherited. A mother who misses certain species will be unable to pass them on to her offspring.

Everything that is wrong with Americans, in one article. With brain-scarring pics.

This is what Americans now think freedom is.
  • Current Mood
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Internet Scrapings is back, baby

This is NOT a painting, but an untouched photograph. Seriously. [Slideshow]

"Many artists paint models, but Alexa Meade takes it to a whole new level. She applies paint directly onto living models, then photographs them in a way that tricks you into wondering: Is it art? Or is it real?"

iOS 5, the latest operating system for Apple's iPhones, includes early earthquake notification feature for Japanese users.

Astrophysicist at Fermi Lab figures out the fastest way to get passengers boarded and seated on an airliner, confirmed by tests.

Man beats ankle monitor by removing fake leg.

City Sues HIV/AIDS Nonprofit Which Allegedly Used Grant to Build Strip Club.

Fuck the Police.

"KOB Eyewitness News 4 has obtained surveillance pictures of a State Police officer having sex with a woman on the hood of a car in broad daylight.... KOB has blurred out the woman's image, but you can see it's during daylight hours and the officer is still wearing his utility belt."

Cuban man aptly nicknamed "24" by his friends for his fully functioning polydactyly.

San Diego police say a boy throwing rocks at vehicles was struck in the abdomen by a crossbow bolt fired by a passenger in small sport utility vehicle.

Man goes for first airplane ride, flies over his own home, where he spots it being burglarized, calls 911. Thieves arrested.

Eight tiny things that stopped suicides.

Dead baby found under dead babysitter.

Two girls killed in crash on Purgatory Road while visiting grave of a vampire.

Woman walking dog killed by cows.

Man settles argument with his wife by setting fire to the trailer of his SUV, then looping steel cord around his neck, tying it around a tree, then hopping into his SUV and speeding off, decapitating himself in front of responding police.

Man accused of having sex with pool raft had also violated inflatable pumpkin.

Actor Steven Seagal Sued for Driving Tank into Arizona Home, Killing Puppy.

Life imitates art etc.: Belgian chemistry student goes all Breaking Bad, busted for running meth lab in student housing of Ivy League school.

In many German cities, Muslim arbiters, or "peace judges," are settling criminal cases before law enforcement can bring the cases to court. That is undermining Germany's rule of law, according to a new book.

Florida Pastor Doesn’t Get Why Atheists Aren’t Registered Like Sex Offenders.

RI Governor who instituted welfare drug test requirement is the co-founder of a company that provides drug tests.

Anonymous leaks a few gigabytes of emails from Texas police forces. Racism, homophobia, bigotry in abundance.

A U.S. diplomatic cable made public by WikiLeaks suggests that U.S. troops executed at least 10 Iraqi civilians, including a woman in her 70s and a 5-month-old infant, then called in an airstrike to destroy the evidence.

Arizona cop Tasers retarded man.

One of Taiwan's best regarded hospitals mistakenly transplanted HIV-infected organs into five patients after a hospital staffer misheard the donor's test results by telephone.

Mother receives damages from hospital after being sent stillborn son's remains in envelope.

Beaten and curb stomped for being gay, with splinters of bone in his brain, SLC man asks bystanders not to call an ambulance because he "didn't have any money for a doctor."

Wood you like a new iPad?
Headline by Reddit.

Three Charts To Email To Your Right-Wing Brother-In-Law.

Juror sentenced to community service for trying to 'friend' defendant on Facebook.

Artist paints an image of a bank building going up in flames. LAPD asked if he was a terrorist and was he going to follow through and do what he was painting.

Flight returns to gate because a black passenger was reading a book about airplanes.

To save €2.4bn a year, Spain's socialist government has passed a law forcing doctors and pharmacies to prescribe generic drugs rather than the more expensive brand names sold by pharmaceutical companies.

Marriage, according to the Bible.

Julia Tymosjenko suddenly falls victim to mysterious disease, just like the last head of the political opposition in Ukraine.

Two guys chat on Facebook about a riot. Riot never takes place. Guys get prison sentences and will serve more time than if they actually did take part in / incite a riot.

You are NOT "big boned", just big.

Infographic about boobies. NSFW.

Teacher fired for pumping breast milk at work.

Naked sword fight lands Florida lawyer in jail - After an argument about his drinking, he emerged from a shower, handed a sheathed sword to his girlfriend and said, “You’re going to need this...because I’m going to kill you”.

North Carolina mom with breast cancer loses custody of kids because "children who have a parent with cancer need more contact with the non-ill parent".

Professor Leaves Christian College After Suggesting That Science May Exist.

A Christian Plot for Domination? Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry aren't just devout -- both have deep ties to a fringe fundamentalist movement known as Dominionism, which says Christians should rule the world.

From the Department of Wikipedia madness:

Mars Bluff, South Carolina
"is an unincorporated community in Florence County, South Carolina, United States that bears the distinction of having been inadvertently bombed with a nuclear weapon by the United States Air Force."

Salish Sea human foot discoveries.

"Since August 2007, eleven detached human feet have been discovered on the coasts of the Salish Sea in British Columbia (Canada) and Washington (United States)."
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Internet Scrapings, Offbeat News and Other Bizarre Oddities

Cracked.com: 8 WTF Aircraft Designs That Actually Caught Air.

Lifeboat crew rescue horse swimming half a mile off Kent coast.

Headline of the day.

Malaysia's only openly gay pastor is urging homosexuals in the mainly Muslim country to "keep coming out" to help battlehomophobia, as he gets set to tie the knot with his American partner.

Mysterious notebook fuels Ohio drilling feud - A memo coaching buyers of oil & gas drilling leases to use deceptive tactics on unsuspecting landowners has provoked a state investigation & debate in rural Ohio, the latest frontier in America’s quest for new energy.

These Guys Will Stop You From Killing Your Boss: Inside the growing business of protecting the superrich from the pitchforks and torches.

Neo-Nazis tricked by T-shirt that changed message after it was washed.

"The t-shirts originally read “hardcore rebels” and sported a skull and nationalist flags. However, once the garment had been washed, the shirt revealed a new message that offered to help far-right extremists break away from the neo-Nazi scene. The message reads: “If your t-shirt can do it, you can do it too — we’ll help you get away from right-wing extremism.”"

‘Anonymous’ threatens to ‘kill’ Facebook.

Squatters on the skyline.

"The “Tower of David,” a 45-story uncompleted skyscraper located in downtown Caracas, Venezuela, is one of Latin America’s tallest skyscrapers. It is also home to more than 2,500 squatters."

Forget TopGear: our entire media is biased against renewables.

8 Years In Prison for a Harmless Prank? Handcuffed for Doodling? The Increasing Criminalization of Students.

World's first cybernetic athlete to compete against un-augmented peers in South Africa.

Inmate commits suicide despite being on suicide watch at the time.

Shark found dead in woods.

Turkish Imam's wife finds out he's been sleeping around, Bobbits him in a jealous rage.

Authorities in Iran arrested 17 boys and girls who took part in a water pistol fight at a seaside park. They could face charges of publicly committing “haram” – a forbidden act – after they splashed water on each other.

Journalists Kicked out of ALEC Conference, Threatened With Arrest: At the Koch-funded American Legislative Exchange Council, only corporate media are allowed, it seems.

Big Pharma Testing Drugs on India’s Poor: Pharmaceutical companies are exploiting the country’s vast number of illiterate and poor people who are willing to become guinea pigs.

How many days can you be held by cops without a charge?

A man doused himself with a bucket of liquid human waste and hid in a portable toilet after plowing his Jeep into a carport at a Longview riverfront condominium Tuesday afternoon, police said.

Italian mourner killed by lightning while scattering brother's ashes.

A man who police say had "a history of lying in the road" was killed when he was hit by a pickup.

An Indian farmer and father of two had a hysterectomy after doctors discovered a "full female reproductive system" in his lower abdomen.

U.N. report: Niger Delta oil spills will take 30 years, $1 billion to clean up.

A religious court official in Indonesia has blamed social networking site Facebook for a rise in teenage pregnancies and under-age marriages, a report said Thursday.

Man with breast cancer can't get medicaid coverage because he's a man.

In late July, a mystery investor or hedge fund made a nearly $1 Billion bet that the US would lose their AAA+ credit rating, that investor now stands to make a return of 1000%.

Mystery company that gave Mitt Romney a $1 million donation dissolves only months after it was formed, leaving few clues.

NYPD officers owe $1 million for unpaid parking tickets.

Two guys in a boat think they find cocaine: one brother snorts it; goes insane and dies.

Elderly Woman Dies From Heat After A/C Stolen.

Obama Turns 50 Despite Republican Opposition.

Massachusetts study finds that one in four gay high schoolers is homeless.

Scientist not satisfied with the amount of assholes in the world, creates more.

Police to man: Stop wearing that bunny suit.

A gift from Congress.

Man allegedly urinates on 11-year-old girl during flight.

Some website called "MySpace" went down, internet doesn't notice.

Cow leaps three foot fence and squashes car.

Teens Stretch Plastic Wrap Across Highway.

Inside Angola: Faith-Based Slavery in a Louisiana Prison.
"The country's largest maximum security prison features a private golf course, an evangelical Christian warden, and has been compared to a slave plantation."

New Zealand man 'decapitated' by home-made hovercraft.

Police: Aurora officers heading to funeral were drunk in police car.

Man sacked from art gallery job for washing himself with his own urine for what he says are therapeutic reasons... although they had no problem with him doing it for 23 years.

The mystery of the ghost BMW dealership, with everything kept intact and perfectly preserved for almost a decade.

Florida woman lost three fingers early Sunday when she tried to wake up her boyfriend with fireworks. Surprisingly, alcohol was involved.

Just a video of a cat cuddling with an iguana.

The Internet is dying Dept.:

British PM suggests quelling riots by disconnecting social media.
"In a move that calls to mind the start of the most serious unrest in nations across the Middle East over the last year, David Cameron, Britain's prime minister, told Parliament Thursday that authorities may shut down social media websites like Facebook and Twitter, in hopes that it would return calm to their streets."

Also, actual headline: How much are Twitter and BlackBerry to blame for British riots?

UK teen arrested for sending BBM text, social media crackdown gains steam.

BART, a rail transit provider in the United States, disabled mobile phone services to prevent a planned protest on Thursday, attracting criticism and unflattering comparisons to crackdowns on dissent in the Middle East.

Porn, Privacy, and BitTorrent: the case of a legally blind man accused of illegally downloading adult flicks.

How the new ‘Protecting Children’ bill puts you at risk: “The bill is mislabeled,” said Rep. John Conyers, “.. is not protecting children from Internet pornography. It’s creating a database for everybody in this country for a lot of other purposes.”

Bahrain protests to Qatar over al-Jazeera film: Doha-based news channel under fire over documentary showing how Facebook was used to target pro-democracy activists.

Germany challenges Facebook on facial recognition, citing EU privacy laws.
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Internet Scrapings, late late late edition thanks to lack of internets

Cracked.com: 6 Insane Holidays You'll Wish You Celebrated.

Cracked.com: 6 Technologies Conspicuously Absent from Sci-Fi Movies.

Cracked.com: 7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs You'll Wish Were Never Found.

TheOatmeal: The State of the Internet.

Presenting the world's first functioning 3-D printed airplane.

He's well dressed, well spoken, apparently well educated, and not homeless or crazy, but mystery man has spent three weeks in a UT jail on a minor trespassing charge because he refuses to identify himself to authorities.

Artist Training Fungi to Slowly Devour Her.

"Artist Jae Rhim Lee wants people to rethink the way they approach death... Like most people who contemplate such issues, Lee inevitably arrived at the conclusion that she should train mushrooms to consume her body. And wear a specially-designed suit (pictured above) for that purpose."

Like-for-like photos of life in Mumbai and NYC.

Man hurls toilet at house when beer run takes too long.

what is this i dont even

For sale: town in South Dakota for $0.8M.

PayPal boycott chops $1 billion off eBay stock value in mere hours.

The toughest plane ever.

Don't know if want: Hustler offers Casey Anthony $500K to pose nude.

If you just gave birth five days ago, it might not be the best time to audition at a strip club... and leave the kid in the car

Headline by Fark.

Man gets stuck head-first in storm drain.

Couple Sells Their Kids For Online Gaming Money.

A teenager in the US has survived being speared through the neck with a large bamboo spike while he was pretending to be a ninja.

Apple now has more money than the United States Treasury.

How not to perform self-surgery: by stabbing yourself with a butter knife and sticking a lit cigarette into the wound to treat a hernia.

Chinese teenagers fool around with huge, sharp sword when somehow-- somehow-- it all goes horribly wrong and ends with one of them stabbed in the forehead.

"The mother was pushing her infant son in his stroller when, by surprise, Hubbard unbelted the child and grabbed him by the leg. Witnesses said Hubbard then swung the baby over her head and slammed him into a metal rail of a nearby truck... She later said she was trying to break the baby's arm off "so she could eat it."

Amy Winehouse may have died from a LACK of alcohol. No, seriously.
"Amy Winehouse's family reportedly believe the singer died due to her body not being able to handle withdrawal symptoms from alcohol... They believe she died from a seizure due to her tiny body not being able to handle the shock of a drastically reduced intake of liquor."

Nice to know that Amy Winehouse's record company not letting a minor setback like her death get in the way of releasing new music from her. Profit!

And now, a glow in the dark dog.

Serial ass slasher on the loose in Virginia.

Man shot in head while helping the homeless in Oakland.

The Wu-Tang clan seeks intern.

A South Carolina jury will decide if truck nuts are obscene or not.Former inmate to become future inmate for his consulting work while an inmate
Headline by Fark.

Taiwan city offers to turn dog poo into gold.

Lesbian Couple Took Break From Destroying Society’s Morals to Help Save Norway Masscare Victims.

But remember, kids: Global Warming is a Liberal conspiracy created by Al Gore.

Not news: your ride gets repossessed. News: you're the crown prince of Thailand. Fark: your ride is a Boeing 737 [Amusing]

A former vocational school teacher and the former school principal are facing misdemeanor charges and are accused of buying cold medicine to cook meth on school property... Turley told state police during an investigation that they used meth in the school's main office.

School shut after teacher, Principal caught smoking METH in the Principal's office.

Black Hole Holds Universe's Biggest Water Supply.

Some people try to incorporate the teachings of the Bible into their everyday lives, like this man, who attacked a military helicopter with an axe

Indian kid goes for polydactylty highscore at 34 fingers and toes.

Police secretly kept organs of 100 murder victims for decades and didn't tell the families.

California woman goes for crazy cat lady high score at 70 feral and abandoned cats.

Fun fact: 150 human-animal hybrids have been grown in UK labs.

Ousted EMI boss: pirates are our best customers, suing is bad for business.

Man released from morgue after condition upgraded to "not dead."

We all love to hate on cops, but sometimes...

The Global Economy: Speeding Toward a Fiery Crash.

When I hear a Christian say something like "praise God for answering my prayers, I now have a new car / promotion / [other stupid trivial shit]", I can't help but think about news articles like this one.

Jesus versus Batman.

Sorry about your mom's skydiving accident.

Idiot parents refuse to vaccinate child. Child gets exposed to measles while on vacation in Europe. Returns home to California, triggers measles outbreak.

F-22 pilots have anti-freeze in their blood and the USAF doesn’t know why.

Mexican cyclists, tired of their city's indifference, decide to build their own bike lane.

Bachmann Says Unexplained Blackouts From Which She Wakes Up Covered In Blood Won't Affect Ability To Lead.

21 Continental flights cancelled after too many pilots call in sick at the same time.

How to build a house out of two shipping containers [pics]

Is Ireland divorcing from the Catholic Church? "There are now calls to remove the Catholic Church from every element of Irish public life, and this is supported by a growing secularist movement."

14-year-old found guilty of beheading four people.

So about that Norwegian mass-murderer… will he go to Heaven when he dies?

Just as Jesus commanded in Matthew 18:8-9, man convinced he's a false prophet, so he slices off his own tongue and flushes it down the toilet so it would prevent him from sinning. Funny how well religious / spiritual ideas and mental illness mingle so easily.

Kid's Bracelet - $20

Cops get drunk at the bar with a bachelorette party and then runs over beach goers.

UK Bans Make-Up Advertisements for being Misleading.

Man takes up TWO handicapped spaces in his car (with no placard or plate), then assaults handicapped guy trying to film the car, breaking camera phone, flashed a badge too (NOT police). What did his attorney say? The other guy was out to frame him.

November 9, 2011.

The state of American education [infographic].

So I decided to join The KKK... [r/Atheism]

15 year old girl had a drivers license and social security number handed to her by the government saying she was 20. Starred in a porn movie and now the guy who fucked her might be going to jail for statutory rape even though the government fucked up big time.

This is why there's a hivemind: Scientists at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute have found that when just 10 percent of the population holds an unshakable belief, their belief will always be adopted by the majority of the society.

Bank ‘Activity’ Required For Wisconsin Voter ID.
"In the state of Wisconsin, you may be denied the ability to vote for lack of sufficient recent “bank activity”. A woman surreptitiously filmed the interactions as her 18-year-old son leaps through hurdle after hurdle in an attempt to get a constitutionally-guaranteed state ID so that he could vote. At the DMV, the pair is told that voter IDs were not issued when voters’ bank accounts did not show enough “activity.” The clerk had no answer when asked what would happen in the case of a resident who was homeless or unemployed, or too poor to maintain the minimum balance required for a checking account."

Heathrow To Install Facial Recognition Scanners.

Quote of the day.

The Internet Is Dying Dept:

House Panel Approves Bill Forcing ISPs To Log Users Under the guise of fighting child pornography.

ISP ordered by British High Court to block a website that provides links to pirated content, setting a dangerous precedent.

A group of Senators are meeting in secret today [er, yesterday], while most people are focused on the 'debt ceiling' issue, in order to try to rush through a renewal of the FISA Amendments Act, which expressly allowed warrantless wiretapping in the U.S.

Estonia is planning to bolster monitoring of the Internet to track potential extremist plots in the wake of last week's massacre in Norway.

Rights group Amnesty International said on Monday that its website has been blocked in Saudi Arabia after the group criticised a draft Saudi anti-terrorism law.

HOW TO: Remove yourself from ALL background check websites.

Pakistan Tries To Ban Encryption.

iPad Hacker Gears Up For Prison, Foresees Revolution.
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Internet Scrapings, etc.

Cracked.com: 6 Famous People Whose Identities We Still Don't Know.

Sheikh has workers toil for weeks to have his name carved into the desert so it's visible from space.

Waterfalls flow upwards in extreme winds (southern Australia). Insert your own upside-down joke here.

Swiss man tries to 9/11 his estranged mom's house with a light aircraft after calling her and saying "are you home? I'm just about to drop by." Mom survives because she happened to be in the basement.

Meanwhile, in Copenhagen: Spermcycles.

"The 'sperm bike' is used to carry donor samples to fertility clinics around Copenhagen in an environmentally-friendly way, and it also serves as an attention-grabbing advertisement for the sperm bank."

Reformed Nazi Twin Singers: “Cannabis Saved My Life”

“I can’t bear other woman falling in love with you. Kill me, let’s go to hell,” said his ex-girlfriend, handing him the knife she had just used to slice off his penis.

You might want to find a new career if you're training to be a zookeeper and accidentally kill a giraffe on one of your first days.

Cops interrupt wedding in Ireland because it appears fake. And by fake they mean interracial.

Runs in the family: Mom and daughter get DUIs an hour apart.

A malnourished monkey caused panic among Chinese villagers who mistook him for a creature from outer space.

Horse rescued from basement after falling through window well.

Meanwhile, in Australia: Dog bites shark.

Two 14-year-olds moon their friends for a laugh, end up on the sex offenders registry.

North Korea and Iran are jointly working on weapons programmes designed to build a long-range missile capable of carrying a nuclear warhead.

"British scientists are calling for a new agency to oversee the mixing of human and animal DNA, which is progressing at a rate most may not be aware of..."

A handy well-illustrated guide on how Dexter does his job, or how Blood Spatter Analysis works.

Shanghai university teacher: if you cannot afford an iPad, you are not qualified to be my student.

Poll: Only 52% of Americans approve of Almighty God’s performance.

"Every centimeter increase in penis size accounted for a 5 to 7 percent reduction in economic growth... The study also showed that overall GDP was at its highest in countries with average-sized penises with GDP falling at the extremes of penis length."

Bond girl commits suicide by drinking acid.

"If I can't be a District Judge and use my penis pump at the same time, I'll just drive around and get wasted" [Followup]

Bill Gates to reinvent toilets. Probably still won't be as shitty as Windows Vista.

How to make cheating dice.

Warren Buffett visits a hot dog food truck, likes it so much, offers to buy it. The owner (unclear whether he recognized Buffett) tells him he doesn't have enough money.

Coal-Themed Sculpture Annoys Lawmakers.

Rush Limbaugh: The Killer 116° Heat Index is ‘Manufactured by the Government’

Intelligent Design, by the Founding Fathers.

One can, one condom: fighting AIDS in Africa using Coke bottles.

A convert to Muslim was pinned down and lashed 40 times for drinking alcohol, in accordance with Sharia law, in rural Pakistan. Oh wait, sorry, I mean: in Sydney, Australia.

Pot-smoking diabetic woman receives $125,000 settlement after police arrested her, confiscated her blood testing kit, refused to let her check her blood sugar or self-administer insulin. She ended up in hospital, her blood sugar three times higher than normal level.

Rabbi lures Israeli man under the pretense of collaborating on a book about the Talmud. The Rabbi then handcuffed, blindfolded and robbed the man, beat him up while wearing a cowboy hat, showed him a body bag and threatened to bury him alive if he didn't grant his wife a divorce.

Study shows voter turnout can be increased with simple word change.

Annual Deaths from Obesity vs. Anorexia.
Sources: http://www.surgeongeneral.gov/news/testimony/obesity07162003.htm http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11513012

Cop claims his wife gave birth to seven-headed snake because she worships the Devil. She has since quit, but now vomits liters blood, live worms, fish, and spiders. Don't know what they're smoking down there in Swaziland but it sounds like some strong shit.

Ohio Homeland Security fired its Muslim liaison officer because he objected to its use of tax dollars to create programs "asserting that all Central Ohio Muslims and Arabs were terrorists or terrorism sympathizers" and included a picture of him as an example of a terrorist sympathizer.

Drunk driver hits woman and her three kids, his third hit-and-run. The mother convicted of vehicular homicide, gets 36 months, because they weren't crossing on a crosswalk. The driver gets 6 months.

India’s First ‘Slut Walk’ Takes Place in Bhopal; about 50 men and women came, despite nearly 5,000 registrations on its Facebook page. more than half were males.

Suppressed Report Found Busted Pirate Site Users Were Good Consumers: some pirate site users treat these services as a preview to buy more DVDs, visit the cinema more often and on average spend more than their ‘honest’ counterparts at the box office.

Teen kills parents, hides bodies during house party.

"A court has rejected a 60-year-old man’s attempt to invoke the ancient right to trial by combat, rather than pay a £25 fine for a minor motoring offence."

Seriously freaking unsafe sex: Couple has sex in mosque, get caught.

Son of Medicis CEO Jonah Shacknai dies, days after dad's girlfriend found hanging dead at mansion.

Bangladeshi police have said they were investigating the case of a man forced to parade naked through his village with a brick tied to his penis as punishment for kidnapping and marrying a minor.

Monkey bites off baby boy's testicle.

Dog saved from death row after singing Happy Birthday.

Deputies: Man burned while siphoning gas with leaf blower, narrowly misses Darwin Award.

A woman opened fire on a puppy that had threatened children, but wound up shooting and killing her husband.

Fun fact: In 2004, Fox News argued before Florida courts that a news organization has no legal obligation to tell the truth in their newscasts... and won.

Internal Fox news emails show concerted efforts to mislead about and undermine the Obama administration.

Wild Parrot parents teach their young a distinct series of sounds used to recognize a specific individual. In short, they give them names.

Not news: woman groped by TSA agent. News: woman gropes TSA agent back.

Straight Man Who ‘Appears to Be’ Gay Rejected by Blood Center.

During this morning’s Senate DOMA hearings, Sen. Al Franken (D-MN) destroyed Focus on the Family’s Tom Minnery’s argument that children are better off with opposite-sex parents by demonstrating how Minnery misrepresented an HHS study. The study — which Minnery cited to oppose marriage equality — actually found that children do best in two-parent households, regardless of the parents’ gender.

DHS Video Characterizes White Americans as Most Likely Terrorists.

City hires 600 goats.

Two men arrested for pretending to get arrested.
word can help write your suicide note

Internet Scrapings mini-post

George Clooney's Satellites Capture Piles of Bodies, Mass Graves in Sudan.

Man is walking 1,000 miles to marry Proclaimers-loving girlfriend.

In case of Big Brother, drill here (X)

"Does the US Secret Police not approve of your art? Are you a media artist who has gotten on the bad side of a private multinational corporation? Perhaps your government does not approve of the open source co-working tool that you host? Or maybe, you are simply just a troublemaker? Any which way, when Big Brother comes a-knockin’ on your door wanting to steal your computer, you need a contingency plan."
word can help write your suicide note

Internet Scrapings etc.

The new "Let them eat cake!" 10 shocking, illuminating moments that prove just how out of touch the powerful really are.


Related: Weep for the rich, for they are truly suffering.

Legal loophole means accused child rapist gets to watch child porn while in jail, legally.

"Alleged child molester Weldon Marc Gilbert of Washington state, accused of raping young boys, will watch hundreds of child pornography videos this week while he sits in jail –- the same police footage found in his home -- because he's acting as his own defense attorney."

The Oatmeal: How commercial airplanes SHOULD be laid out.

"But the tables were turned dramatically when he found himself overcome by owner Olga Zajac, 28, who happened to be a black belt in karate. She allegedly floored the would-be robber with a single kick. Zajac dragged the semi-conscious Jasinski to a back room of the salon and tied him up with a hair dryer cable... She allegedly stripped him naked and, for the next three days, used him as a sex slave to teach him a lesson while force feeding him Viagra."

Man arrested for burglary, forgery and receiving stolen property, wins mugshot of the year award.

An Austrian atheist has won the right to be shown on his driving-licence photo wearing a pasta strainer as "religious headgear".

"A self-confessed atheist, Mr Alm says he belongs to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, a light-hearted, US-based faith whose members call themselves pastafarians. The group's website states that "the only dogma allowed in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the rejection of dogma".

British Columbia man faces six months in jail for growing his own food.

Also: Woman plants vegetables in her garden, now faces jail time over it.

An exotic-animal owner who made headlines last summer when one of his bears mauled a woman to death has died after apparently choking on a sex toy, authorities said.

Accused of being gay, Spanish priest challenges Church to measure his anus.

Man forced to sell beloved Camaro on eBay, offers amusing and lengthy comparison of car with soon-to-be ex-wife, complete with chart.

Pakistani woman chops off ex-husband's penis.

Woman chops off husband's penis, throws it in the trash, said he deserved it.

Castration cult blamed in 2001 killing, mutilation of man: "Moross likely was a victim of a bizarre sexual cult operating in a home in Rochester, where men were mutilated and tortured in the basement of the home in the 400 block of 6th Street."

The true cost of gasoline: $13 a gallon.

Harry Potter versus Twilight.

In Sweden, an Appreciation for Heavy Metal Music Is Considered a Disability.
"Roger Tullgren of Hässleholm, Sweden needs to listen to heavy metal music while he works. Mind you, that’s not wants to, but needs to. It’s such an essential part of his life that it’s been classified as a disability, entitling him to special dispensation by employers."

Bill Gates to reinvent the toilet, hopefully create something less shitty than Windows Vista.

College offers full scholarship for best tweet.

"Pelham also published successful dog books, though Douglas-Boyd's affection for dogs waned after an accident when mowing the lawn barefoot: he sliced off his big toe, and before he could retrieve it, his spaniel, Jess, darted in and swallowed it."

Prosecutors said Wednesday they will not file charges against a New Mexico football player who was arrested after wearing saggy pants on a plane at San Francisco airport.

Bob Lutz, former Vice Chairman of General Motors: To get the U.S. economy growing again, we need to fire the M.B.A.s and let engineers run the show.

In a Cable Released by WikiLeaks, State Department Officials Encourage Canada to Spin News Coverage of Tar Sands Pipeline.

Fox News: There Were No Terrorist Attacks On America During Dubya's Terms.

Newscorp paid negative $4.5 billion in taxes last year, while making $10 billion in profit.

Cyclist hit by car while en route to support bike lanes.

A beautiful sunset.

Mom arrested after refusing TSA search of daughter, also not allowed to record video of incident.

To all that hate the TSA, and security theater, check out this new startup.
"PlaneRed is an all-you-can-eat flight subscription launching around September 1st 2011 that will fly just below the TSA’s radar – using 9-person planes to dodge under their screening of any plane carrying over 10 passengers. The subscriptions will work as such – passengers will pay around $150 a month for access to a booking system much like a city bus, able to book on popular routes on the east coast, serving Atlantic City, New York, Philadelphia, Washington D.C.. They hope to expand quickly to Boston, and then open up new runs in Texas, California, and the Midwest. Eyerly sees it as a ‘win-win’ for customers – 14-passenger planes organized in a luxury set-up to make the journey just a little bit more pleasant."

Spaniards come up with novel ideal of forming human chains around homes that are threatened with foreclosure from debt-laden Spanish banks by flash-mobbing.

One-armed man arrested for clapping in Belarus. Clapping has become a form of protest, and a brutal crackdown has been unleashed amidst a collapsing economy.

Disinherited widow: Brain tumour turned my husband into a transvestite and made him change his will.

US Solution to Oil Crisis Simulation: Drill More.

Florida Statute Allows Man To Get Away With Bigamy.

Flying Cars ruled street legal in Florida. What could possibly go wrong?
Meanwhile, feeding the homeless is still illegal in Florida.

The “War On Drugs” Is A $2.5 Trillion Racket: How Big Banks, Private Military Companies And The Prison Industry Cash In.

[WtF] “In 1985, [...] the wealthiest 5%, had net worth of $8 trillion [...] Today, after serial bubble after serial bubble, the top 5% have net worth of $40 trillion; the top 5% have gained more wealth than the whole human race had created prior to 1980” - David Stockman ‘10

Man gets into accident, begs ambulance crew not to take him to hospital because he doesn't have insurance. Checks himself out against doctor's orders, now owes $40,000 for care he didn't want. Capitalism is awesome, yo

Jealous ex-boyfriend breaks in, shaves woman’s head "so she won't be attractive to other men," while high on methamphetamine, methadone, Xanax and Abilify at the same time.
Sounds like someone needs to review their taste in men.

"I said no such thing! And then I died."

Girl with no legs, no arms says she received unfair marks in the "jumps/kicks category" during her cheerleading tryout, claims discrimination.

Dad gets involved in road rage incident, gets shot in the head, survives to get sued by his own daughter for getting shot in the head.

Dolphins kept vigil on Irishman's body.
"A GRIEVING mother said yesterday that she drew comfort at her son’s funeral yesterday after learning that a pod of dolphins had kept a vigil on his body after his fatal accident in Australia... “We’ve learnt that a few hours after the accident when divers went to retrieve his body, they saw a big pod of dolphins swimming around him, and there was one dolphin that was using its nose to try to lift the body up to the surface, but it wasn’t able to do so because the body was caught up in the scaffolding.”

Man whose father was struck by lightning and killed walks away from family barbecue saying "don't worry, guys, lightning never strikes twice lol" just before being struck by lightning and killed.

Fun fact: people this insane are allowed to drive and vote.

In 2004 Fox News argued before Florida courts that a news organization has no legal obligation to tell the truth in their newscasts... and WON.

From the Nominees for Parents of the Year 2011 dept.:

Parents of the year nominees share a pic of their precious snowflake.

Mother leaves one-year-old and four-year-old in car on hot day. Good Samaritan comes along to try to rescue them, gets beaten up by mom. Bonus: Mom blames good Samaritan for loss of job and kids (in that order).

"My little angle."

Man arrested for having four kids in a van. Well, the ten kilos of coke played a part, too.

From the Bad Cop No Donut Dept.:

Motorbikers who ride to support each other's drug and alcohol addictions, go on ride to attend funeral of fellow biker, get hit by cop who was driving drunk, two bikers killed.

Police officer throws young woman face-first into street outside Orlando library, breaking her teeth - she calls 911 to report assault/request ambulance - they send more police to arrest her instead. (video)

An Adams County Sheriff's deputy punched a restrained teenager in the mouth, breaking his jaw,Morrow is facing criminal charges of child abuse, second-degree assault, tampering with a witness and official oppression.

Police Capt. Dumas: "Nothing suspicious" about body found in burning car.

From the This Week(ish) in God dept.:

Creationists stepping up their game: Workers' cars at the Florida Museum of Natural History are being vandalized; it started small with Darwin Fish and pro-evolution bumper stickers being removed; then notes containing prayers were left on cars; now it has escalated into driving large nails into tires.

God bless our glorious 50cal.

Tased by a cop and return the favor by tasing her back? You can still get out of jail every weekend....to preach at your church.

Michele Bachmann’s church says the Pope is ‘the antichrist’.

Michelle Bachmann claimed ex-nun, lesbian tried to abduct her over gay rights.

God's Lobbyists: The Hidden Realm of Religious Influence.

Rabbi Avraham Rabinowich busted By estranged wife for hiring prostitutes... that too, on the Sabbath (with NSFW Video)

God instructs obedient follower to rape and murder a lesbian couple: "I was there and I was told by my God, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to attack my enemies, and I did so."

Indian Yogi Levitation Trick Revealed.

From the Internet warfare dept.:

Anonymous hacks Monsanto computers; posts employee info.

The Day Comcast’s Data Cap Policy Killed My Internet for One Year'.

Seattle geek gets banned from Comcast for a year for using too much data, using cloud services such as Amazon's new music service. But he's not going quietly, arguing Comcast is abusing its monopoly in Seattle.Mark Zuckerberg shuts off access to his Google+ account over privacy concerns.

It's official: Pentagon Declares the Internet a Domain of War.