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Lisa Turpin

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[29 Jul 2004|12:29pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

Much excitement, I've been hired at the café! At last I'll have something to do with myself as opposed to slowly going mad from the lack of anything to keep myself entertained. It's surprising how one relises just how much they miss homework once they are pulled from it once and for all. At least I'm enjoying myself unlike half the other berks that are going about.

I shall have to remember not to fall or trip over myself when I start work, as it would not go over too well. I am improving, however, it seems. This pleases me, I've been trying to 'grow out of' it, as my mum would say, for absolute ages. I always hated all the nooks and crannies Hogwarts had for me to fall into, run into, trip over and fall over. I haven't received any new bruises for almost a week. Please note that this is a new record for me.

find me..

[22 Jul 2004|06:45pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

So I applied for the job at the café, I suppose it's the best I can do to keep myself busy until this.. 'war' or what have you is over and I'll be able to have a chance at going to the ruins again. It's a muggle job, but I don't really mind, I can always convert the pounds into wizarding currency, it's not quite that hard.

I'm actually looking forward to getting this job, I think it would be nice to take a small break from the wizarding world. A nice means of escape. Escapism doesn't work forever, I relise this, but after making the choices to not be involved in the war, I have no place in the wizarding world at the moment. I’m, oh, what’s the proper term for it? displaced? I suppose that could be used to describe my situation, though it’s a bit of an extreme description. In any case, a brief break from reality might be nice. A job is just what I need. Besides, I want to save up to move out of the house soon and begin really living on my own. I think being able to depend on nobody but myself might be a nice sort of feeling. Sort of an accomplished feeling. A bit like pride almost.

When this war is over, I want to look back on it and be proud that despite the amount of deaths I came out of it with clean hands. I still don’t understand how people can feel killing is the only way. Each person that is murdered, no mater what side or what have you they are on, that person still has a family and people that care for them. How can you kill someone who might be a mother or a father without the slightest feeling of guilt or remorse? And if the murderer does feel guilt and remorse, it is likely that the victim’s face will haunt them until the day that they themselves pass away. At least, that’s how I see it. Killing isn’t logical, there must always be another answer to the situation than killing.

Why do I always seem t get pulled into rants when I write in my journal these days? I should be spending more time on... what? Now that I’m out of Hogwarts forever, I haven’t anything left to work for. Before I had my studies to absorb me and now I have nothing. Ugh! This is so frustrating! I sincerely hope I get that job just for the sake of having something to do with myself all day. One can only watch the grass grow so much.

[8] Starshine never gonna find me..

[18 Jul 2004|03:52pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

I still have had no luck in finding a job, which doesn't surprise me in the least. I suppose I'll have to wait the war out until I'm able to even consider getting work; while I do enjoy being able to spend time with my parents, I'm desperately eager to move out and live on my own. I suppose I should consider looking for opportunities in the muggle world and get a temporary source of employment. Mum suggested working at the café down the street. It is a lovely place.. and it would be nice to be out in the world again...

So much in happening in both worlds, it's sometimes hard to keep up. The Daily Prophet is filled with only hints of what is really happening and requires a lot of reading between the lines to get even half of the story. I don't mind it, of course. I think they're only doing it so widespread panic doesn't ensue.. well.. Anymore than it already has.

Why do I still write in this thing? I feel so.. disconnected from those that write entries that I am able to read. Writings mostly involving the war or sometimes fear for a loved one or dark words of despair and loss or of joy from a lover. My mind is on my career from now on.. Nothing entertaining. And yet, despite how I have become.. disconnected (is that the correct term for this?) from my fellows I still find myself sitting at the desk by the window with quill in hand and book opened to a fresh and empty journal, trying to think of things to say.

Is it that I am clinging to some quickly unraveling thread that connects me to my peers? I should have enough sense to relise that it is futile and that I might as well throw my hands up in defeat and move on with my life and leave them behind. I don't. I continue to write my thoughts in this thing, knowing my thoughts aren't popular to say the least. Oh, I've read the rants and rages about my alignment in the war, the side that belongs to no side but the individual. Because I feel that war is wrong, I stand far away from the actions of others, not even by the sidelines. Rather, I chose to ignore them. I don't want to 'recruit' people to the 'neutral side'. There is no neutral side, because by saying I'm on this neutral side would be saying that I was still involved in the war. I'm not and will never be.

I think I'll apply for that job at the café.

find me..

[08 Jul 2004|07:05pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Tag is doing quite well, and the training for her it doing even better. Father excepts that by the time I get an apprenticeship; he was always awful with his jokes. But I suppose he's right, I'm not likely to get a job yet.

Between training my rat (that sounds rather silly, doesn't it?) and doing background reading on the ruins, mum and I are having chances to spend more time together. She's also trying to give me tips on how to control my, er, accidents. I don't see how walking about with a book on my head is likely to change most other than a perfectly good book being ruined due to my stumbling.

Next week I think I'll take a trip to Diagon Alley or someplace and purchase a few instruments that I've read are good for studying the ruins. Perhaps I'll run into someone there. In any case, it'll be nice to visit a wizarding community again, provided, of course, that people there are still sane about the war.

find me..

[01 Jul 2004|10:56pm]
[ mood | exanimate ]

I've read in the Daily Prophet of the mounting deaths. It's disturbing. I want to leave England even more now. Go to Germany maybe and explore the ruins there. There's so much history in the country, it would be fantastic to learn about the ruins there. I just have to find someone to take me on. With the war it's so hard to find work that isn't with either... side.

Aren't there others who, like me, hate the war? Doesn't anyone else just want the killing to stop? So many lives are being taken, and nobody has to right to do it! Good or evil, you don't ever have the right to take the life of another! To respond to your loved ones death with killign will only lead to more, doesn't anyone see that? It's an endless cycle.

I tripped over a chair today. Some things never change.

[16] Starshine never gonna find me..

[23 Jun 2004|10:24am]
[ mood | mellow ]

Home again, mum and dad were glad to see me and gave me a new familar that they thought might be helpful for researching ruins, a little black baby rat (what's the proper term for then, I wonder? Ratling?). Dad said that most in the field used them for going into tight spots wherever needed, but they must be trained when they're very young. They also gave me a book on it. Not one day I finally leave Hogwarts forever and I'm given homework by my own parents. Typical, isn't it?

I knew I should have taken that Dangerous Creatures-That'll-Bite-off-Your-Head class. Ah well, what's done is done. Oh, and I named my little ratling Tag. She seemed to enjoy it already.

My new familiar aside, leaving Hogswarts has left me with mixed feelings, many of my classmates want to go into the war. I do not. I'm afraid that my being stubborn about the issue will cause me to loose contact with them all together. But I don't want to join a side. I want to be perfectly neutral, I don't even want a war. So by supporting a side, no matter what you say, you are in the end supporting war. I will not do that. I just want to enjoy studying my little bits of artifacts and dig various magical things up.

The nostalgic feelings have yet to settle in over me, I'll give it a few days before I'm remembering that time I tripped down two flights of stairs and was in the hospital wing for two weeks (my second year, no less..), that time I set my charms book on fire and had to borrow one from Madam Pince (first year, you know)... All right. Maybe the nostalgia is getting to me. I'll stop now before I take a long walk down memory lane.

find me..

[19 Jun 2004|01:59pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

I'll be leaving this school soon, as will most other seventh years, save those that didn't make it to the end. I don't know how I should be feeling about leaving this school, I want to go into studying the ruins.. But with a war it seems unlikely there will be much call for it.

A lot of students are going to enter into the war, choosing either side. Maybe I can help the Ministrey with the war, though how.. I don't know. I studied for the ruins, not for this. Enough of this.. I sound like some old hag.

[4] Starshine never gonna find me..

[08 Jun 2004|04:26pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

My heart goes out to those that have lost family recently, especially to those who have muggle blood. I know my words will seem insincere and without proper emotion behind them becuase I'm writing it, and how much can written words express? But, I hope the bloodshed ends soon. I don't want anything to happen to my own family, and seeing others loose muggle relatives is making reality stronger.

I'm not going to babble stupidly about how I wish the war weren't real. But I'm not going to be like my fellow students and only concern myself with the war. I'm going to study for my N.E.W.T.s because I want to leave this school as soon as I can, and I'm not going to risk failing my exams or missing them because of.. war.

I am the only student that still relise that I'm a student and not an adult member of whatever side? Ran into two doors and got my foot stuck in a staircase step. My good luck appears to have failed me at last.

[5] Starshine never gonna find me..

[31 May 2004|06:13pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

It feels like everything is crummbling to peices. It's sad at how people are treating the.. deaths. Most of the entriesI've read were of the "Oh this person is dead. It's sad, but I honestly am too busy snogging to mind." Doesn't anybody care? Or has the immpending war desensitized us so soon? I've accepted the fact that there will war. I've accepted there will be deaths. But when it's like this? I almost wish I could back to pretending all that mattered was grades and the prospect of getting through the day without any major accidents.

[6] Starshine never gonna find me..

[21 May 2004|06:02pm]
[ mood | drained ]

So many things have happened since I got back.. at the meeting it was hard to grasp it all at once. I mean, a student being a murderer.. And still here? Why? Why is all this happening? The amount of questions continue to grow as each day passes and there are still no answers. So as the questions begin to mount as do House tensions.

PrivateCollapse )

[6] Starshine never gonna find me..

[20 Apr 2004|08:15pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I wonder.. where are the Gaint's mountains are located.. I think I might have to check out a few more books. I hope Madam Pomfrey doesn't mind too much..

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[2] Starshine never gonna find me..

[15 Apr 2004|06:57pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

And so it begins. Not only are we warring among ourselves.. but against Muggles as well? With things like this happening.. how can anyone expect us to be able to concentrate on NEWTs? It's becoming increasingly difficult to keep my mind in my books.. I wonder if it would help if I just stopped reading the Daily Prophet altogether?

Speaking of the Prophet.. has anyone been reading some of what's being written? Honestly, you'd think they would focus on more important issues rather than silliness such as the idea that Lucius Malfoy is He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. I may not know much about him, but I think I have enough sense to know the two aren't the same person.

If anything they should post more about things that we know to be true.. Such as the recent attacks. I want to know more about it.. Details.

Ugh! No, Lisa! Stay focused on your books! Nothing else.

[6] Starshine never gonna find me..

[08 Apr 2004|08:45pm]
[ mood | good ]

Studying has been going okay. Daphne asked me not to long ago to help her with her Charms notes. Talked about.. strange things after that. I felt like such a nerd

I think I'll take the weekend off from studying, instead perhaps I'll just relax or read a book.. Hmm.. I have to remember not to study too hard for NEWTs, if I do I might end up being too exhausted to even be able to take them! Wouldn't that be horrid? Missing the most important exams of your school career because of too much study. Ironic almost...

[4] Starshine never gonna find me..

[04 Apr 2004|08:30pm]
[ mood | indifferent ]

I wish NEWTs would get here sooner. I want to get out of Hogwarts.. and escape see the real world. I've been throwing myself into my studies agian to... to ensure I'll be able to go down the path I want. I don't want to end up being stupid working at the Three Broomsticks instead of exploring the ruins and learning of our ancestors.

I know a lot of other students hate Binns' class.. and admittedly a pet rock (an old muggle fad) is more entertaining than him, if you can get past his dullness the class is interesting. I love history.. strange, I know.

Not much else to say, sadly. I'm boring, yes?

[4] Starshine never gonna find me..

[01 Apr 2004|06:25pm]
[ mood | giddy ]

Well, it seems today has been full of many tricks. Fortunatly it seems none have been aimed at me (right? Please say I'm right... ). And surprisingly enough, I got through the day without a single accident of any sort. Rather proud of myself on that one.

No more nightmares, thank Merlin.

Hmm.. think I'll go and watch the team practise today since I finished all of my work and studying (no more over doing it, thankyou).

[7] Starshine never gonna find me..

[30 Mar 2004|06:05pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]

Private, but not very well wardedCollapse )

Ancient Ruens essay... hmm.. where to begin..

[3] Starshine never gonna find me..

[28 Mar 2004|07:17pm]
[ mood | geeky ]

Today while avoiding Madame Pince's glares in the Library I found a most interesting (and helpful) book on DADA. It was about simple spells that are good agianst certain attacks. Needless say I checked it out after signing an agreement saying that it would not explode while in my care. I have a feeling it shall be most helpful for the upcoming exmans!

I'll be able to handle the NEWTs easily if I cram study hard enough and not let the war get in my way.

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Hmm.. before I dive into this new book perhaps a trip to the kitchens is in order..

find me..

[25 Mar 2004|05:02pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I can't belive how close the exams are now. I guess this means that I'm going to have to start reviewing my notes a bit more and change my schedual around a bit to practise. Maybe I can ask the girls to move out of the dormitory for a few hours on certain days..

Those bloody Death Eaters better now do anything until exams are done and over, setting up a Dark Mark at Blaise's birthday was bad enough. I need to stay focused and stick to the schedual I made up so I won't over exhaust myself and end up having my books taken away agian. Why do they feel now is the best time for war? Couldn't they jsut.. postone it until after my seventh year? No, I know the world doesn't work like that.. but still.

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Only ran into a few doors today, I seem to be getting better.

[8] Starshine never gonna find me..

[23 Mar 2004|03:59pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

Blaise's party was lovely, though I didn't see many Ravenclaws there. At least the band was nice, and the decorations, too.. I didn't even trip over anything like I usually do. I was sort of expecting to fall over my dress, but I didn't, rather proud of myself on that one.

With the festivities over.. I guess I'm back to working on DADA spells. NEWTS are coming up, you know..

find me..

[18 Mar 2004|04:20pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

Avis is a pretty lousey spell agianst anybody. Why does it have to be so easy to remember? I'm glad Penelope is back and more or less okay, but Terry is gone now.. Too much has been happening over such a small amount of time.

I think I need to studying DADA a bit more, now that I'm allowed to have my books agian and everything. Why do hexes have to be so hard?

[2] Starshine never gonna find me..

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