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13 December 2011 @ 10:51 am

Hello, to read the 'friends only' entries, leave a comment. thanks! (:
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: we used to be friends ¨ the dandy warhols
18 February 2013 @ 11:30 pm
Passed my first pole assessment today! I can officially sign up for Inter 2 classes. I'm excited but also a little scared. New tricks are always frustrating but the feeling when you can actually do them? AMAZING.

alright, i have two weeks to clean up my routines then it's performance time! whoop whoop.

(I just felt i had to record this somewhere. my first assessment and I passed!!)
31 December 2012 @ 01:01 pm

This year, I learnt to trust myself and overcome some of my fears. 2012 has been about self-discovery, about putting myself out there. At times, I wanted to cry (and sometimes I actually did). Other times, I learned that the activity wasn't as difficult as I made it out to be in my head. In the end, the important thing was that I gave myself a real shot. And yeah, i found pole.

So yes, 2012 was AMAZING.

I'm the fittest I've ever been-- I pole, yoga and weight train at the gym at least twice a week. To be honest, this is just the beginning, much of 2012 was spent adjusting and getting my head straight. But I have learnt this year that routine is the key.

Hands down, this was the most frustrating thing I did-- Five months of social dance lessons. The dance itself is beautiful but.. hmm, I didn't "get" it the first time. I found it pretty difficult, adapting to different people's leads, their expectations and being able to "click" with them (because chemistry is one of the biggest things that makes/breaks a dance). I guess expectations just made me feel stressed and when I was stressed, I couldn't follow. I did meet some wonderful people though, from all walks of life too. On some days, I miss that. Maybe I'll give zouk another shot in the future, who knows?

this year, i discovering pole dancing. POLE IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING EVER. I know the pole is just a piece of spinning metal, but it has taught me so much! Some days, it is difficult. Each trick is its own challenge. When the new trick is demonstrated to me I always think to myself, OMG YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT?!?! Figuring how to make the trick work for you is another tricky bit, much like problem solving. It comes down to trusting your body (and your spotter if you are lucky enough to have one!). There were times this year when I literally was inverted, facing the ground and my heart was thumping furiously. There were also times I fell from the pole (twice, both attemping a handstand middle split). But you get back up again eventually.

Pole is fun. A bunch of cheeky girls together, learning to move, helping each other out regardless of race, age, shape (contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be skinny to pole)... it's like being in a girls' school all over again BUT BETTER (because we're not so awkward, because we're less bitchy now, because we all have something in common). I have met so many wonderful friends who are so different from the people I'm used to hanging out with. They have different perspectives, there is so much to learn.

What I love most about pole though, is that it has taught me so much about my body-- that if you treat (feed, train, rest) it right, it is capable of so much more than you realise.I've learnt to love my body. It may not be perfect, but it is mine. It does so many amazing things. I feel like in this day and age especially, women are too hard on their bodies, the media keeps telling us that there is also something about our bodies that could be better, prettier. pole has taught me to accept my body's "flaws" and better yet, disregard the media's message to be skinny. No thanks, now I'd much rather be strong.

Pole isn't difficult per say. It requires a tremedous amount of strength and flexibility but these skills can be picked up. What pole really requires is determination and patience. everyone will have at least a couple of tricks that do not come easily, but if you have determination and patience, you will eventually get there (just a matter of how long it takes haha).

before this year, weight training was a foreign concept to me, i thought it was only something for boys and/or competitors. now i gym twice a week with dumbbells and machines. i moved up from 2kg dumb bells to 8kg dumb bells. I'm working towards doing pull-ups (already can hold more than half my weight). I'm the heaviest I have ever been (not that weight matters but I have offically reached 50kg) but I'm slimmer and stronger. gymming is something I'm learning to enjoy. to be honest, it's the easiest activity in my weekly exercise routine. who would've figured?

For a couple of months, D's friends and I went climbing every other week. To be honest, i'm not really good at it. Heights still get me. But I'm working toward not letting the fear choke me. There is something amazing about climbing though. Moving one step at a time, hoping you won't lose your grip, pushing your body every time you think you want to quit. At least, that has been my experience. I'm still horrible at this but when I am stronger, I'm going to get back on that harness.

Yoga.. I was one of the few remaining people have have never tried yoga, and I decided that for pole, I would give it a try. Here's the thing... I'm not sure if I like it actually. It feels a little like torture to me, all that stretching and slow burning pain that comes with holding the poses. Sometimes my muscles burn and man, the heat is no joke. but i can see the benefits so I stick with it. i think it's something that gets easier with time. At least, I really hope so. This is my backup activity-- when I'm not doing pole an insane amount of number of times a week, I step up my yoga game. Helps that I have a wonderful studio that charges by class rather than by month, and no shady "flexible" commission-based price schemes.

Deepan and i went travelling together-- twice!! both times we went to Thailand and it was memorable to say the least. One of the reasons why i love D is because he challenges me.. but at the same time, being challenged can feel pretty shitty at times, when the fear grips. I tried snorkelling (ZOMGGGGG. still on the fence about this, would have enjoyed it more if i felt more safe), zipling and all sorts of scary stuff at a treetop adventure, crawled in mud when we went caving (!!!! ew. amazing we both made it through), rode on a motorcycle (!!! on both our holidays. dreading what it'll be like when we go vietnam). we also ate alot, laughed alot and had a ball of a time. D is my partner in crime, he makes me a better, happier person. it is not a cliche, it's just the truth. :)

looking back, it's hard to believe that i've done so many new things in just the span of a year. it's also strange to have arm muscles, i like flexing my arms in the mirror nowadays. shhh. still can't get over them. before pole, i couldn't even open bottled drinks half the time.

I'm proud of myself. This is something new. I really am proud of myself. and I will continue to push on. Exercise is a lifetime habit. I can see the spillover effects, making an effort to eat better etc. I want 2013 to be even better, now that I have laid down some kind of foundation for taking care of myself.

20 December 2012 @ 09:44 pm
there are not enough hours in the day-- at least not enough for me to do what i want if i continue spending time the way i do.

pole, yoga, gym, run. work. write. sleep. family. deepan. friends. self. that is what i have to spread my time between.

maybe for the new year i should train my body to run on less sleep. i average 7-9hrs at the moment, any less and i feel cranky. if i start my days at 6am and end them at 11pm, i can just make my 7hrs..

how do normal people do it?
Current Mood: artisticartistic
08 December 2012 @ 10:56 pm
sitting outside a quiet cafe, we talked about dreams.

some people listen, but D isn't one of them. instead, he used what he knew about me and helped me admit to myself what i have wanted all along. somewhere in the back of my mind, i have thought to myself, one day i would... but i've never said it aloud.

well, today D and i actually talked about how to make it happen. and, it's possible. it will take time and patience, but yes, i can visualize the threads of a beginning. the trick is to want that dream so much that fear and laziness do not become an option. if done right, this will open a whole new door, a whole new future.

cars passed us, people walked their dogs (and sometimes their children), all were unaware that for someone nearby, the earth had moved.
19 November 2012 @ 06:06 pm
sometimes i wonder how many strangers we pass, multiple times, and not even know it. that girl on the train you see today could turn out to be a good friend one day, or that guy who walked pass you this morning could be your lover in fve years and at that point you can not even know it.

D and I were out yesterday, exploring with our cameras. like most days this month it rained. like most days, we were stubborn and only pulled out our umbrella after walking in the rain for a good fifteen minutes. we were laughing and as we walked toward the main road, lo and behold, someone i used to know walked by. it didn't occur to me at first, until we held a moment of eye contact and as he walked past (like a stranger), i recognised him.

A is (was might be more accurate. we are no longer friends, although facebook might tell you otherwise) like no one else i have ever met, maybe because he wasn't originally from around here. we met by chance, then romanced me with rhyming poems and the beginning of a short story. it never felt right though, and so we parted.

if i hadn't met him previously, would i have known that we've passed each other previously? he's not in my social circle (almost ten years older), of a different nationality, ethnicity, completely different industry and interest.. it's weird that once upon a time we shared meals together. it seems like another lifetime, it felt like he was a stranger. i suppose we are still strangers.

chance is a funny thing.. these links that exist that we aren't even aware of.

inevitable, i suppose. there are five million of us crammed on this tiny island. we're bound to pass a couple of them more than once.
05 November 2012 @ 05:56 pm
i'm getting stronger, not as strong as i'd like (one pull-up please!), but at least i can see/feel the progress. i'm also eating healthier, but there are good days and bad days. every day is the chance to make the right choice, at least that's what i tell myself. most of the time it works out alright.

pole is.. haha, tough. i've come to my first big physical stumbling block (i have zero core strength and unfortunately, inverting takes lots) but it's ok, i'm giving myself years to work on pole anyways. i'll get there, just have to work at it. i guess to do that you don't dwell on the negatives, you set little goals too, not just big goals. my little goal right now is achieving my front (right) spilt.. just a few more cm til i'm comfortable on the ground.

emotionally, i'm happier than i have ever been. it is not always an active happiness, but perhaps a quiet, passive one, knowledge that comforts as it hums through my veins. i guess it's the growing awareness and acceptance of myself.. slowly learning to be a responsible adult (well, sometimes), discovering the wonderful things my body is capable of when i treat/train it right, making a conscious effort to treat the people around me better, to be better and to cultivate better habits.

you know how a plant begins to not just survive, thrive, but blooms under the right conditions? it's amazing. being in our twenties is amazing, maybe thirties will be even better haha. one can always hope.
02 October 2012 @ 03:02 pm
I've decided. If i eventually get a tattoo, i'd get 'Futures' on the inside of my left wrist.

It is a reminder to do the things that will be good for my future self, even if it isn't pleasant now. It also is a reminder that there is not one future-- it is the sum of the choices that i make.

I guess, it's a reminder to TRY.
02 September 2012 @ 11:05 pm

It's time for a change of lifestyle, this is something that i've been thinking about for quite a while now.

I want to change the way i interact with the world. i want to be more environmentally conscious. this means, as little wastage as possible (reuse, reduce, recycle), but even more importantly, stop buying things i don't need. the latter is going to be really hard for me haha.

after spending hours and hours cleaning my room and throwing things out, i finally realised that buying nonsense things is counter-productive. i buy stuff, get bored after awhile, throw it somewhere around the house and it gets dusty, throw it out. at the end of the day i just waste money and waste the earth's resources. besides, in terms of frivolities, i have everything i need (and more).

so, i'm going to try instead to save, save, save... so that i can spend it on yoga, pole, traveling and eating healthy. lol. i guess in a way, it's spending on experiences rather than stuff. it's spending on your well-being and personal growth as opposed to stuff. as much as it pains me to say this... my parents were right all along hahaha.

07 August 2012 @ 09:21 am

it took awhile but i'm finally growing into my skin. i've been making an effort to take care of my skin (ie dilligently putting skincare in the mornings and nights), and making the slow transition from wearing foundation to BB cream to going somewhat bare-skinned (just some sunscreen, undereye concealer, a little bit of blush).

i'm exercising more in an effort to get fit so i can do my pole tricks. and it took almost two months but i'm starting to see results, i'm close to getting my front splits :)

eating better is an uphill battle for someone who loves food (i am a glutton, sadly) but i'm determined to get this done.

but those are just external changes. i'm slowly accepting my strengths and weaknesses and working on them both, challenging and knocking down my fears, one at a time.

i'm finally starting to understand that change takes time-- all sorts of change, but most importantly change with regard to people. i'm not the most patient person (hah, sometimes i think i've gotten worse at it over the years) but i'm trying.

i'm liking my twenties much more than i liked my teens. i'm... happier with myself now.