I like the feeling of being completely, awkwardly aware of everything around me. Am I making sense? I like to walk back from class, headphones cutting off any social interaction, the alternate take of coltrane's naima playing in my ears, and noticing the perfect geometry of a tree leaf that falls into my path, the rhythm that my shoes beat out on the sidewalk. I like the lazy way the lights blink on the smokestacks of the power plant, like big glittery eyes against the black sky. I also like to work out until my muscles pump acid and the burning sensation starts to creep over my thighs.
Mostly though, I like you. Yeah, I like you.
trucks loaded down with weapons
crossing over every night
moon yellow and bright
there is a shortage in the blood supply
but there is no shortage of blood
the way i feel about you baby,
can't explain it
you got the best of my love.
i am tired of your stupid little games, how inconsiderate and overbearing you can be.
i am tired of men in general, i think.
fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
in other news, hoochfest tomorrow. fuck yeah!
i think this, this is good enough
and i try to laugh at whatever life brings
because when i look down, i just miss all the good stuff
and when i look up, i just trip over things
Sleep is a disease I cannot catch.
I'm listening to Coltrane and watching white smoke billow out of the power plant. It curls around a handrail on one of the stairwells leading to the top of the infamous smokestacks on its way to escape to the sky. Sometimes things are just a little too perfect, a little too beautiful, and I've long since given up trying to explain this to people.
Ani has this lyric in "Both Hands" that goes "and your bones have been my bedframe/and your flesh has been my pillow" (god she is so good at everything) and I hear it and have to catch my breath a little. Oh wait, that happenes every time Ani sings anything. I forgot.
I love Mizzou. I've liked everyone here so far (some more than others, some a LOT more than others). Although I gave blood today and I really feel like people should have listened to me whine a little bit more. Hah. I suck.
In other news, I am wearing Mark's Lil' Kim shirt and it is Awesome.
i'm finding myself enamored with these summer thunderstorms.
i am sitting on the porch, eating strawberries and listening to thelonious monk as if the sky weren't swollen and purple, pregnant with the promise of violence.
i have to put my headphones away to listen to the crash--and i mean CRRRRASH, like a thousand fucking F150s just got into a pile-up on k-10 and everyone is gaping, just gaping. i might be gaping, waiting for life to rain from this broken sky.
over the din, i can hear my 10-year-old neighbor practicing the piano--dainty and hesitant, like raindrops are during calmer rainshowers.
those elegant little steps paired with the hell that is swarming above. i like it.
and it begins to rain so, so hard.
So yesterday I was looking through my very neglected photo collection and I came across some photos I took over the summer, but forgot to share. None of them were really that great, I'd just been testing a new lens, but there were a few that I liked, mainly because they remind me of warm weather and popsicles, in the strangest way. I am looking forward to the springtime, lemonade, swishy skirts, and taking photos again. Let the daylight in, indeed.
These days, I have been finding myself full of hope. It's is strange, but nice.
let the daylight in
I have this idea to which I cling that if I were to do something entirely selfless for once in my life, it might balance out my spoiled white American syndrome.
(self portrait; taken NYC near the MOMA; sunday, march 20th 2005)
( all the sailor boys have demons.Collapse )
I love New York. I like the feeling that a city breathes on its own, that life goes on no matter what. Mostly, though, I love the people. Everyone is interesting. I want to meet everyone.
Just not everyone in Kansas.
i like spring.
as usual, i drank by far too much perkin's coffee.
thursday afternoons are the best.