Tags: swan lake

cass, can you not

So, a Swan Lake/Hamlet crossover would be a fantastic trainwreck

It's the Prince's birthday, and the Majordomo has organized an impressive party. Everybody's dancing their hearts out, sustained by goblet-adorned pauses. Hamlet only reluctantly and petulantly gives the book he's reading to his tutor, and, refusing to dance, he sits on a bench making bleakly sarcastic, unremittingly punning comments about dancers, births, and Time itself.

Meanwhile in Elsinore, Siegfried is merrily dancing at the Queen's marriage, Polonius holding the shiny new sword the Prince received as a gift from Claudius.

Compelled by the Queen to marry, Hamlet goes for a walk by the lake, falls in love with Odette. Later, when Odile tries to pass herself as Odette, Hamlet breaks off the marriage --- not because he sees through the ruse, but because marriage is the most absurd of pantomimes, too-solid flesh puns, etc. The Queen wonders if Benno would be willing to be adopted and marry either woman, whichever would object least to marrying somebody Hamlet is most certainly going to keep sleeping with.

Back in Elsinore, the Ghost scares the bejeezus out of poor Siegfried, who gets so shaken by the revelation that he dances into the waters of the Northern Sea. Said waters not being enchanted, he dies. Claudius and Gertrude adopt Laertes, who'll make a very nice figurehead for Ophelia's rule.

Most everybody ends up happier than in canon, except for the Ghost, who, for his manifold and never-repented sins, is condemned to hold vigil over Gertrude's marital chamber, while the spirit of his son dances among the waves, forever, under a sweetly pitying moon. Possibly accompanied by porpoises.