Author Notes: A bit of a failed fic. I stand by the concept, but the execution is off.
The Merc is sitting on a tombstone, holding a severed head on his hand.
(Zombie Deadpool Head) Let's go.
(Zombie Deadpool Head) C'mon. There's no-one here for me to eat or for you to kill. There isn't even any babe to hit on (and then eat). Why are we here anyway?
(Deadpool) Do you believe in life after death?
(Zombie Deadpool Head) Is that a trick question? I believe in un-life after death.
(Deadpool) I mean, do you believe that when we die we go somewhere else, somewhere... normal?
(Zombie Deadpool Head) I believe that when you die you rot and pieces fall off your body. Sometimes cavepeople worship you, and sometimes you get stuck with maudlin versions of yourself. So, yes, a very normal afterlife. Can we go somewhere less dead now?
(Deadpool) I've been thinking.
(Zombie Deadpool Head) Crap.
(Deadpool) Hear me out. You know how the X-Men always keep coming back? It's like that for everyone. When you think about it, nobody ever dies. I mean, other than civilians and girlfriends and Uncle Ben.
(Zombie Deadpool Head) And why's that bad? You're having a pretty good run after Wolverine's movie, what with your own movie in the making and everything. As long as they have to keep you alive for the movie, you could go ten rounds with Galactus and survive (can I eat Galactus? please?)
(Deadpool) It's depressing. It makes all so... meaningless. I mean, what's the point of killing anyone then?
(Zombie Deadpool Head) Are you kidding me? Getting paid for it! And when they come back to life getting paid for killing them again! It's the best racket ever.
(Deadpool) Yeah, well. It's a good thing violently killing people for no discernibly significant reason is fun, or I'd be going crazy.
(Zombie Deadpool Head) Yeah, yeah. If I still had a heart, it'd go out to you. Can we go now.
(Deadpool) Just a second.
The tomb the Merc is sitting next to begins to open from inside, long metal claws breaking to the surface. The Merc takes a grenade from his belt and throws it inside the newly opened tomb. A surprised grunt is heard from the hole, followed by an explosion.
(Deadpool) Alright, now let's go.