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A quick Superman ficlet. It's based on an idea of poisonivory, but instead of funny it turned out, well, weird. I take the blame.

Nota Bene: I don't claim it's well written, but it's not nearly as badly written as it will seem to you at first. *g*

Not here, she whispered in my ear. In your apartment. I synthesized what I hoped would be an adequate facial configuration to represent badly disguised embarrassed surprise, as per Clark Kent's personality profile.

Lois Lane smiled and walked to an elevator, not waiting to see if I would follow her. I delayed for the few seconds I estimated would take Clark Kent to realize that this was a ruse designed to fool the ex-KGB agents she suspected were monitoring both the Daily Planet and her apartment, and then run clumsily behind her. I took care to simulate a nervous blush during the ride down, and fumbled thirty-four percent above the Clark Kent baseline while driving to my apartment and failing to react at her distracted flirting. I detected nobody following consistent with Earth's technological range, but as this information wasn't available to Clark Kent, I did not share this fact with Lois Lane.

In compliance with the Clark Kent profile, I let Lois Lane enter the apartment first. This proved to be a mistake, as she saw before I did Kal-El's nearly-naked body lying on the couch. Superman! she said. A quick biological scan I performed while standing by the door ascertained that he was extremely tired but otherwise healthy -a result no doubt of his recent mission outside Earth's solar system- and that he had probably returned to Clark Kent's apartment in a semi-conscious state.

Lois Lane approached Kal-El quickly.

I acted as per the standard Clark Kent behavioral pattern. I... I don't... What is he doing here? Is he fine? She directed at me a quick scowl. Relax, Clark. I figured out about... I saw a fleetingly pained expression about you two. It's fine. At least now I know why you always get to interview him alone.

My behavioral model of Kal-El indicated that there was a sixty-five percent chance that he would choose to reveal his identity at this point. But I had been tasked to replace Clark Kent and keep the illusion of a separate identity, and Lois Lane's assumption was an useful asset to fulfill this role.

I rushed to Kal-El's side, cradling his face with my hand. Seven percent above baseline clumsiness, a sixty-eight percent expression of love.

He will be fine, I told Lois Lane. And then we waited for him to wake up.



( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 5th, 2008 07:57 pm (UTC)
Nov. 5th, 2008 08:48 pm (UTC)
I don't claim it's well written, but it's not nearly as badly written as it will seem to you at first.

:D You know how to write an intriguing summary/author's note, that's for sure.

And this is rather awesome, esp. Seven percent above baseline clumsiness, a sixty-eight percent expression of love.
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
Thanks so much! :D
Nov. 5th, 2008 08:52 pm (UTC)
so, is this Eradicator, or a Superman-Robot?
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:11 am (UTC)
I was thinking about a Superman robot, but the Eradicator would be a fantastic choice!
Nov. 6th, 2008 12:40 am (UTC)
Innnnteresting. Now I want to know what Clark's reaction to suddenly being his own boyfriend will be!
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:15 am (UTC)
Indeed! There could be plenty of potential for relationship issues, as well as personhood considerations (Kal-El has, in my view, an hypocritical viewpoint about AIs --- he won't kill evil biological beings, but doesn't mind wiping out equally sentient artificial intelligences; what if he had to simulate dating one? What if Lois falls for the robot? I'd love to read a longish fic about the robot slapping some sense into Clark and becoming his own person).
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:42 pm (UTC)
Well, you know, you could always write it yourself ...
Nov. 6th, 2008 04:09 pm (UTC)
Meep! I could certainly try, but I'm bad at writing relationships, and *very* bad at writing longish pieces and/or sex, and all three of those things would be sort of integral to the fic.
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:23 am (UTC)
Hehehe, Clark/Clark X) Okay, okay, I know it's not, but it's still incredibly amusing. My slasher mind failed me for not providing such an explanation before! as always, you make my day X)
Nov. 6th, 2008 03:24 am (UTC)
:D :D Thanks! Glad you liked it.
Nov. 6th, 2008 06:54 am (UTC)
Gaaaaaaaaaaah! Heeee!
Nov. 6th, 2008 11:38 am (UTC)
:D Glad you liked it!
May. 21st, 2009 08:09 pm (UTC)

also, poor Lois. No wait, poor Clark! XD
May. 21st, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
:D Glad you liked it!
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )


cass, can you not

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