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Title: Five People Who Got Kryptonite Cockrings
Rating: PG18
Fandom: DCU
Author Notes: In the history of things being katarik's fault, this is probably... rather mild, I guess. All things considering.


"Um... Sorry, Lois. I think I broke it."

"Well, that's something you don't see every day. I guess you truly are the Man of Steel."

"Lois..."

"Never mind. Anyway, it was an old one, I had it from college."

"I'll buy you a new one."

"I don't think they make Kryptonian-proof cockrings. We'll have to make one."

"We will?"

The woman sighs and sits astride the bound man. "Don't argue with your wife, Clark."

* * *

It's a ring, although the semantics of the word are helpfully vague in this case. The design, aside from the requeriments imposed by function, seems Kryptonian, but the Fortress' databases and manufacturing capabilities makes the fact less than decisive in terms of its possible terrestrial origin.

Bruce decides to store it as a "Kryptonite ring," pending further research.

* * *

"That's an interesting restraining device, Kal."

"I... Just take it, please. It's in an odd shape, but it's still Kryptonite, and..."

"It would be too embarrassing to give it to Bruce for safekeeping?"

"Yes."

* * *

Clearly, Maxima's fixation with him has shifted significantly. Probably Batman could make a precise psychological assessment of it.

Superman just grits his teeth against the pain and keeps working on his restraints.

* * *

It's an interesting idea. He can already see ways to improve the traditional design, and...

No. His war is against the alien, but it isn't a personal one.

Luthor goes back to his design file for a traditional finger ring.

.finis.

Comments

( 31 comments — Leave a comment )
mtgat
May. 9th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
You won on title alone. OMG.
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 03:30 am (UTC)
You know, I keep thinking that somebody more used to writing porn should take this title and write something else with it.
odditycollector
May. 9th, 2007 03:44 am (UTC)
Luthor goes back to his design file for a traditional finger ring.
And a couple of story lines later, I bet he looks back on this decision with ABSOLUTELY NO REGRET.
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:53 am (UTC)
Luck favors fools, children, ships named Enterprise, and Lex, who is none of the above.
(no subject) - brown_betty - May. 9th, 2007 07:00 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - __marcelo - May. 9th, 2007 04:39 pm (UTC) - Expand
(Deleted comment)
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:54 am (UTC)
I'm really glad we didn't get to see what Luthor's response to that event would have been.
razorsmile
May. 9th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
I daren't even speculate on what's going on in the Maxima one.
No. His war is against the alien, but it isn't a personal one.

...




...




TERMINAL SYSTEM FAILURE
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:55 am (UTC)
Re: I daren't even speculate on what's going on in the Maxima one.
I find it amusing and enlightening that most everybody assumed Luthor was designing the cockring for use on himself... *g*





(no subject) - tigerbright - May. 9th, 2007 10:16 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - razorsmile - May. 10th, 2007 01:20 am (UTC) - Expand
amarin_rose
May. 9th, 2007 04:24 am (UTC)
Congrats, Marc, you have once again won teh internets!!1111!!! :D
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:56 am (UTC)
*victory dance*
petronelle
May. 9th, 2007 10:29 am (UTC)
I was giggling 'til I read the comments. Now I want to smack Clark and make sure he's paying close attention to any cellular-level deviations in his partners' genitals.

Hopefully he won't be too distracted to be solicitous.
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:40 pm (UTC)
Good point. At least the Lois fragment shouldn't happen at any time after Luthor's "death."
sockich
May. 9th, 2007 11:11 am (UTC)
"Don't argue with your wife, Clark."

Especially when your wife is Lois Lane. *nods*

The Lex one...is making me think way too many thoughts. If we assume Lex would use this ring as he did the finger one, i.e. on himself, the line about his war not being personal makes me glee almost as much as thinking about him using a Kryptonite cock ring makes me cringe.

If he's planning on putting it on Superman...yeah, that just makes me glee.

(you know, stuff with Kryptonite in it is even more fun to read since they found it on Earth *beams*)
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:42 pm (UTC)
(you know, stuff with Kryptonite in it is even more fun to read since they found it on Earth *beams*)

I wonder if the comics fandom market is big enough that we will start seeing, um, stuff made out of green-tinted Kryptonite.

I wouldn't use it, but I'd probably buy a ring. Finger ring.

You know, just in case.
ratcreature
May. 9th, 2007 11:38 am (UTC)
*flail!*

Considering the prevalence of a bondage gear fetish in DC comics (not that I'm complaining *g*) this is almost like canon!
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
*g* It's practically a tradition, especially in Gotham.
(no subject) - ratcreature - May. 9th, 2007 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - __marcelo - May. 9th, 2007 05:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ratcreature - May. 9th, 2007 05:18 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - __marcelo - May. 9th, 2007 05:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - ratcreature - May. 9th, 2007 05:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - __marcelo - May. 9th, 2007 05:55 pm (UTC) - Expand
caiusmajor
May. 9th, 2007 12:40 pm (UTC)
o.O!

*vastly amused by this*
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:43 pm (UTC)
:D
comixologist
May. 9th, 2007 04:13 pm (UTC)
I love you with all my heart. Oh, man. And for all the love in the world I have for Bruce and Lex and their brains going into overdrive, Lois totally wins this time.
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 04:44 pm (UTC)
Lois totally wins this time.

She often does :D.
rubynye
May. 9th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
*jawdrop*

Good gravy, man! This is insane, even for you!

And thus awesome, as ever. :D
__marcelo
May. 9th, 2007 05:12 pm (UTC)
Good gravy, man! This is insane, even for you!

In my defense, it was katarik who said I should post it... :)
attaccabottoni
May. 11th, 2007 12:39 pm (UTC)
*keels over laughing*
The last one will probably make an appearance in my dreams, hopefully in lurid technicolor. Thanks so much for the image. :D
__marcelo
May. 11th, 2007 02:31 pm (UTC)
:D You're welcome! Do let me know if your dreams come with bunnies attached...
( 31 comments — Leave a comment )

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