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Not my fault. Hers. And also minim_calibre, who came up with a truly evil summary.

SUMMARY: A pink feather boa threatens to change things between Bruce and Dick--4ever. Can Alfred save the day? Warning: Angst and slash

I did what I could, but it sort of got out of hand. Sorry.


It was a pink feather boa in the Manor's visitors coat hanger. As with everything -even when it involved Dick- it would have been a mistake to take it at face value.

It was a message.

"Bruce," said Dick behind me. "thinking about accessorizing the suit?" I'm happy.

Bruce turned to him.

"There will be new security protocols for the Manor." I am hurt. "I'm elevating the default security position to Level 3." Letting myself be vulnerable was a mistake. It always is.

Dick looked puzzled. "Over a pink feather boa?" I know you are hurt. I don't know why.

"Everything is significant." You are my life. I trusted you, and you hurt me.

"At the danger of repeating myself, a pink feather boa?" You are being silly. Whatever you are smarting for, it can't be that bad.

"I think you'll operate more efficiently based in Bludhaven." Leave me alone. Alone is safer.

"..." I can't live without you. "Okay." I knew this couldn't last. I'll never deserve your love.

"I'll be in the Cave." I hurt too much to be.

"I'll be packing, then." I hurt too much to be.

A soft chime signaled the presence of a visitor at a side entrance. Bruce activated a nearby monitor, which showed a cute twentysomething woman dressed in a very bohemian style. "Your date is here." Everybody leaves me.

Dick leaned toward the monitor. "I have no idea who that might be, or what the heck you are talking about." I'm confused and lost. You are the only anchor in my life.

Alfred coughed politely from behind them. "Oh, you found Elizabeth's boa." You are both too stupid for words, some times. "I was afraid we were going to be late for tonight's function at the Gotham Theatre." I'd much rather go out with a delightful young woman than stay here and see you idiotically self-destruct. "Master Bruce." You are a grown up. Bloody act like one, will you?

Bruce and Dick stared at Alfred. "I trust this relationship will not interfere with your duties." I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of you having sex.

"I assure you, sir, that I'm perfectly capable of having a personal life alongside my professional duties." Unlike, it'd seem, you. "Lack of practice notwithstanding." And if you two are going to have loud, messy sex at weird hours, I'm pretty much entitled to go out and have a date.

Bruce nodded and handled him the boa. "Have fun." You win. Let's never talk about this again. Ever.

Alfred took the garishly pink accessory. "Thank you, sir." Deal.

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
petronelle
May. 3rd, 2006 12:49 pm (UTC)
Sheer unadulterated Battiness for the win!
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 12:52 pm (UTC)
*cheers icon*

The sad thing is, those two are supposed to be among the world's greatest detectives. :P
paulasj
May. 3rd, 2006 01:07 pm (UTC)
::flails:: ROTFLMAO!!!

I don't know why, but I think this is my favorite part. Maybe because Bruce is just one big mama's boy when it comes to Alfred.

Bruce and Dick stared at Alfred. "I trust this relationship will not interfere with your duties." I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of you having sex.

So much fun, and some Bruce/Dick. A girl couldn't ask for more, although I usually do. :-)
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 01:19 pm (UTC)
Maybe because Bruce is just one big mama's boy when it comes to Alfred.

He totally is. :D Glad you liked this!
minim_calibre
May. 3rd, 2006 01:21 pm (UTC)
Bruce and Dick stared at Alfred. "I trust this relationship will not interfere with your duties." I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea of you having sex.

::cracks up::
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 01:24 pm (UTC)
For the record, you have made me deadly afraid of pink boas. I'm probably going to need therapy.
amarin_rose
May. 3rd, 2006 02:24 pm (UTC)
I wonder what it says about me that I have a pink feather boa? Pastel pink, though; I'm not that badly accessorized.

Alfred deserves some lovin'; and Bruce needs to get a grip. Even if it was a joke by Dick, he should learn to laugh at himself before he explodes.
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 02:36 pm (UTC)
Alfred deserves some lovin' *nods* Yes, he does, poor guy. He has to deal with Bruce every day.
chalcopyrite
May. 3rd, 2006 03:04 pm (UTC)
Snark + feathers + overwhelming unspoken angst = win!
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 03:39 pm (UTC)
*g* That should be the title of the fic: Overwhelming Unspoken Angst.
rubynye
May. 3rd, 2006 03:53 pm (UTC)
The Bat-to-English translator in action!
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 03:57 pm (UTC)
*laughs* I can see the JLA putting together the money to buy one...
(Deleted comment)
__marcelo
May. 3rd, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC)
:D Thanks!
roachspit
May. 3rd, 2006 05:48 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure I could quote my favorite bits without just copying and pasting the whole thing into the comment. How do make even the really awful summaries turn into priceless little works of art?
__marcelo
May. 4th, 2006 01:39 am (UTC)
*beams* Thanks!
red_eft
May. 3rd, 2006 11:30 pm (UTC)
:D <-- this is my face right now. Hee hee hee. Oh, Alfred. I have so much love. So much.
__marcelo
May. 4th, 2006 01:40 am (UTC)
*shares the Alfred love*
askmehow
May. 7th, 2006 01:07 am (UTC)
Yep, Alfred so would be able to pull women like that. Plus, any fic with pink feather boas in it automatically wins at life. :D
__marcelo
May. 7th, 2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
:D True!
demon_faith
May. 7th, 2006 12:01 pm (UTC)
As with everything -even when it involved Dick- it would have been a mistake to take it at face value.

I read this about three times, just snorting with laughter. Aww, Dick. I loved it - the angst was priceless, and so them, and then Alfred...oh dear.
__marcelo
May. 7th, 2006 10:27 pm (UTC)
*beams*
dessieoctavia
Nov. 17th, 2007 05:09 am (UTC)
That? Was awesome. All kinds of awesome.
__marcelo
Nov. 17th, 2007 05:13 am (UTC)
:) I tried to honor the wonderful, terrifying summary.
thirdblindmouse
Jun. 30th, 2010 04:38 am (UTC)
Hee! Alfred will always win.

Come to think of it, the batsuit could use a pink feather boa...
__marcelo
Jun. 30th, 2010 10:51 am (UTC)
:P It'd certainly distract people. On a pinch, I can see it sending the Joker into a tailspin of WTF.
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )

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