I think it's silly to continue to twist myself in knots over whether people like me or not. The past three months I have realized that in the absence of cigarettes I need to learn new stress management techniques and that one of my main issues has always been giving too much of a hoot about what people think.
It's that time of year again when the money runs out and thus we flee the metropolis.
This time it's different. We have a sub-letter. Our plan is go to Atlanta for a couple weeks, and then probably to Turkey for the survey/excavation project we've been working on the past three years. Adam was awarded a Fulbright Scholarship (he is amazing and brilliant) and in the fall rather than returning to NYC he is going to India for at least 9 months, and I am probably going to go with him for the entire time. It's been a long time since I've experienced a different country. I've been invited to work on an excavation project that Adam is probably going to use as his dissertation research, so I will minimally be there from January onward. I just think it would be better if I went with him in September, but I have to sort stuff out with school first.
When we get back in a year or two we will no longer be residents of the Lower East Side. It's bittersweet, on the one hand I will miss the 'hood and all of its charms, but on the other hand I will not miss the transient hipsters (yes, I know that in a looser sense of that term Adam and I could be put in that category as well, reread the first sentence) or the eye rolls and constant "how can you afford to live THERE?" questions.
We're going to look in the greater Williamsburg area of Brooklyn and the Sunnyside-Astoria swath of Queens for our new place of residence. The apartments are bigger and the rent and cost of living is less. I'll still have a coffee girl job if I want it.
Things are good, kind of quiet but good. I still run, and don't smoke, and since January have gradually worked on yoga 2-4 times per week, which is something I'd like to continue to pursue when I get to India. I am coming up on my first year anniversary of reaching my goal weight, and can say proudly that I have maintained my weight since than for a year within 5 pounds. Studies show that most people gain some or all of their weight back within two years, so I am nearly halfway to "results not typical." I will never go back to where I was.
Today I am going to have all of the blonde hairs cut from my head in order to save money and time. I figure if I look awful it will just grow back, but I am tired of blow-dryers, products, and split ends and spending hours in the salon once every four months.
There is your update.
A - Age: 27
B - Bed size: full, any bigger wouldn't fit
C - Chore you hate: the floors, whether it's sweeping, mopping, or vacuuming (we don't actually have a vacuum).
D - Don't eat: regular pop
E - Essential start-your-day item: coffee and bacon.
F - Favorite board game: Scrabble
G - Gold or Silver: siler
H - Height: 5'2"
I - Instruments you play: none anymore, not enough space or time for my keyboard
J - Job title: Key barista/student/trench supervisor yeah I'm all behind on that career thing and still chasing pipe dreams.
K - Kid(s): not yet
L - Love or lust: always love.
M - Mom's name: Annette
N - Nicknames: none really, Lily is short for Lillian but I don't go by anything else.
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: surgery at 15
P - Pants or pantyhose: I like colored tights, pants, and leggings, but your typical old-school nude colored pantyhose I don't like.
Q - Favorite Movie Quote: what the hobo said at the end of Bullworth. I don't remember exactly, but I remember it resonating with me.
R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: none
T - Time you wake up: usually between 5 and 7 unless I forget an alarm.
U - Underwear: cotton
V - Vegetable favorite: mushrooms
W - Ways you run late: MTA issues mostly make me run late. Usually I have three alarms in the morning, one for when I should get up, one that is the point of no return to get up without being late, and the last is the "time to go." I always try to put a 15 minute buffer in the middle of things so I arrive on time or early.
X - X-rays you've had: lots of teeth, wrists, and an ankle
Y - Yummy food you make: pizza casserole
Z - Zoo favorite: The hippo tank at the Toledo Zoo (in Ohio). You could go underneath and watch the hippos swim underwater and they are so graceful and silly.
I made my goal weight!
I got married!
I got back into school!
I got a job I like a lot and don't have to wear a suit to! (not a career in the long term sense but just what we need for now)
I quit smoking!
Still blonde though.
In 2011 I would like to continue not smoking, start road races, start my own food/cooking blog, take more pictures, and craft the perfect master's thesis that will inspire the good people at Stony Brook University to accept me into their PhD program in 2012 or 2013 :) And also wear more skirts and dresses and learn how to tease my hair (but not in a Jersey Shore kind of way).
Life is good. That's my update.
Yay it's spring and thus almost summer! Best time of year, because it's sunny, socks are optional, and things start moving!
So the past few months have had their ups and downs, but I feel like things are mostly on the up-and-up for us.
I got rejected from all of the PhD programs I applied to, and am waiting to hear back from a MA program here in NYC that is dirt cheap instate tuition and has a couple bigwigs in the department and a lot of people in my situation (low undergrad GPA but just bursting with potential) go here and then go onto the big four for their PhDs (Berkeley, Michigan, Yale, Harvard) so here's hoping. They also have a non-matriculated option so if I get rejected officially, well they'll have to deal with me anyway. I'm still young enough to do this right? No kids yet, so why not. Plus the program is set up so people can work and go to school. Win-win-win-WIN!
I am running 5-6 miles a day and three pounds to my goal weight that I have been slowly working towards for the past 2 1/2 years. It feels great to be at a point in my journal where I am essentially losing "vanity weight." I think it's because I like even numbers, and when I lose these last three pounds I will officially have lost 1/3 of my total body mass since I was at my heaviest. That's something to be proud of. Marathon training is tough because we move around so much in the summertime, but I can definitely run a 10k no problem.
Wedding stuff is going well, we're making all of our own stationary which although is a million times cheaper, takes a long time unless you get in the "zone" and finding that "zone" is tough sometimes after long days. We have a month to do the official invites, and I'm not too worried. All the major stuff is done, I have my dress, the venues booked, the caterer booked, entertainment booked, florist booked, just need to book the cupcakery and put some finishing touches on decor here and there. Oh and my uncle is officiating! We still need to figure out the registry which requires spending hours at Macy's or something awful like that, but whatever. I wish we could just say "no gifts" but alas gifts comes with the cultural territory of getting hitched.
We found a subletter for our apartment so on Saturday we're out of NYC until the end of August! We'll be in Atlanta staying at Adam's mom's place for a month until we return to Turkey! Yes, I got funded again not by mom and dad and no it's not a vacation, it will be three weeks of hard survey work and lots of data crunching, however I'm looking forward to it. Then, it's back to Chicago, hopefully in time for Alicia's birthday (seriously she is the best Maid of Honor EVER!) to do final preparations for the wedding which happens August 20th. Then it's back to NYC and back to school for the two of us.
So we're busy bees, but we're happy bees.
Here's my yearly update for the wild world of livejournal.
I'll start with the bad:
-"freelancing" isn't all its cracked up to be, I need a barista or a desk job seriously.
-I got rejected from Stony Brook University, and have a sinking suspicion that New York University is going to reject me too. Guess I will have to continue to wait for the PhD, but my backup plan is Hunter College - application for Fall '10 due April 1st. Keep your fingers crossed, light a candle, if you care. It's my own fault, but all you can do is just move forward and keep going.
-Adam has been in India since January 15th working on an excavation and gathering information and making contacts for his dissertation work, so I've been living in Naperville. I guess that's not really bad but I miss him like hell. Thank goodness for Skype, I can call him everyday for only 8 cents a minute!
-I have maintained a weight loss of over 40 pounds for over a year. HI5 FOR ME!!! Still not at my goal weight, but have officially not been obese for over a year, and I rarely get sick, I have more energy, am a solid size 6, and generally a much happier person.
-I'm handling the rejection well, like an adult. 1 minor meltdown which resulted in tears, too much sushi and wine, but that's life.
-I have done 7 weeks of bootcamp and lost 6 pounds so far and all my clothes are too big, and I am starting to get some serious muscle definition in my arms, and also I have no fat in my legs (they did one of those pincher tests!!!)
-I am studying and reading and all sorts of good things.
In December, Adam asked me to marry him. I said yes, and we are getting married on August 20th in Naperville, IL. I have been planning the wedding since I got back to Naperville in January and everything is almost set. AND MY DRESS IS AMAZING! I'm marrying my best friend, my rock, my soul-mate, and no matter what happens jobwise or schoolwise that makes me the luckiest and happiest girl in the whole world.
Well after 9 months of unemployment here I am in Turkey again! (Don't hate the 'rents didn't pay for it this year, I got FUNDED!). It's not a vacation. Everyday we're up at 4:30am and onsite at 5:15 and then loads of dirt moving, analysis, come home at 1:30pm for a nap and then up at 4:00pm for another 3-5 hours of analysis and data entry. It's stressful, but frankly I love it. I don't love the passive aggressive mangerial skills of our field director, but it's just so exciting to see your work come alive and to be hands on. This year I am supervising my own trench, so not only did they pay for me to be here, but they liked me enough to put me in charge. We have moved so much dirt. We started fresh with a new trench and since then in the past 6 weeks I have to lift the buckets over my head to get them out as we keep plowing away. We finally came down on our first occupational level and it's just so cool. I have at least 5 restorable vessels thus far and have found a sweet miniature Hittite votive vessel.
I'm in a really awesome place right now. I'm intellectually stimulated, surrounded by like minded people who understand me and share a common love of traveling, culture, and of course archaeology, working with Adam is amazing as it was last season, and actually in charge of something rather than waiting insecurely in the wings in someone else's shadow. And of course I lost over 10 pounds because of a bought with dysentary! I am going to use all of this positive energy back in September to reach the following goals:
1. GET INTO GRAD SCHOOL. I know there are lots of people out there who think I am lazy and spoiled. I don't care, I am in a much better place than I ever have been now and at a maturity level in which I can handle the responsibilities associated with post graduate education. I am really confident and already have meetings set up with potential advisors on the eastern seaboard.
2. QUIT SMOKING. Another thing naysayers probably won't believe, but come hell or high water I am going to be smoke free by January 1 2010. It's gross, it's not cool, it makes my breath stink and my teeth yellow and it's a waste of $.
3. RUN A MARATHON. In 2010 I will run a marathon. Hard to believe the fat girl who tried desperately to fit in with all the super cool hipsters is talking about that these days huh?
4. GET A JOB! Yes, this is important, we need money to survive and hopefully someone somewhere will hire me for something other than under the table jobs or being on a street team somewhere. NYC is a tough town.
5. REACH GOAL WEIGHT. I've done Weight Watcher's mostly religiously since 2008. I lost 45 pounds, but this last 10-15 pounds just plain sucks. I know I look fine, I know I am healthy, and I know Adam would love me even if I gained all the weight back, but it's for me and my ego to reach their Lifetime status. This is something I've spent my whole life working on and it would be really awesome to finish and be a size 4. So yeah I'm still kind of shallow.
I am also going to chop off at least 4 - 5 inches of my hair, and hopefully dye it, because I haven't done anything to it since November and it looks pretty awful!
Time to sort pottery. Life is good.
Today is my mom's birthday.
So far I got "hired" by Greenpeace to sell their monthly memberships on the streets of Manhattan. This was not really all that fun, and most people don't give a hoot. I didn't meet my quota (no one in my training group did) so I don't have the job. I had an interview on Thursday which turned out to be a bizarre pitch for a pyramid scheme. And thus I am becoming convinced that we are entering the second great depression. It's a bummer. Finding a job is a bummer, so I am applying for a master's program at Hunter College in hopes of riding it out with money to study what I love. Hopefully that will work out, at least if the money part doesn't I'll be able to get instate tuition in NY. I haven't lost the weight to get my job back at Weight Watcher's yet, once again proving that gaining weight is a lot easier than losing it. Winter has killed my new found love of running and working for Greenpeace gave me a bum, spasming shoulder over the weekend and a killer cold. Boohoo.
On the up side, of course there is always an upside, I am living with the best guy ever. Adam makes it all worth it. We had a lovely little Valentine's Day with Lou Malnati's Pizza sent to me by my mother and the beginning of Star Trek: The Next Generation. And cupcakes of course. One of the best things about this city is there are a ton of little bakeries all over the place that sell cupcakes, a single serving of deliciousness we indulge in once or twice a month. Adam gets the cheesecake, and I go with a classic: vanilla with vanilla. We don't eat out often any longer as we are trying to not overspend, so I have renewed my love of cooking. I set up a menu for two weeks at a time complete with leftover days. So we're eating well. I'm taking a couple days off from searching for a job and think that perhaps on Wednesday or Thursday I shall make the rounds to every Starbuck's within a 40 block radius.
I'm also still working on a research project for the excavation in Turkey, which at this point it looks like we will be returning to, however because of silly political factors we may be placed on the "hometeam." It's like playing for the varsity football team and being benched the subsequent season in one sense. But in another sense we won't have to rise at 4am, but 6am, and we will always be within walking distance of an actual porcelain toilet. Plus a lot of stuff done on hometeams are pretty important and would still look awesome on my CV.
So in short, I am keeping my chin up and cheerfully riding out the impending economic doom. Thanks Bush.
Who was your last message from?
Who was the last person to make you laugh ?
Do you think your last ex deserves to die?
What would you say if he/ she walked in the door right now?
hello, and how did you get in the building?
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Adam and his friends
In winter, would you rather wear jackets or hoodies?
hoodies are generally far superior, but typically winter-time calls for BOTH a jacket and a hoodie.
Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
Yes. Anything at this point would beat waiting around for stupid UPS.
Where are your siblings?
I don't have any.
Look in your inbox in your phone , who are all the people you have texts from?
Adam and Dusti
How many pillows do you sleep with?
6, but normally Adam and I end up sharing one.
Last person that called you ?
Kiss anyone in the last week?
What will you do tomorrow?
work on a project, apply for more jobs, hopefully run if it's over 20 out.
Who were you last in a car with?
Adam and his mother.
Anything exciting happen lately?
I went to Georgia and met Adam's family. That was a good time. Adam's two best friends came into town last night. Four people in 300 square feet is kind of cramped. I'm a bit sick of hearing about how much my computer sucks because it's a Dell but how everyone wants to use it because Adam's Mac is out for repairs. Hmmmm...
Do you get along with your friends' boyfriends / girlfriend s?
I think so.
Looking back, did you ever think you'd be where you're at in life now?
I never had any idea that I would end up in NYC, or that I would get a guy as amazing as Adam.
What was the last thing you cried about ?
I was underslept and over-stressed.
How many months are there until your birthday?
five I think
Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
When was the last time you had Starbucks?
in Naperville I think
Have you lost friends in the past year?
I've learned that if you feel like you've "lost" a friend, they probably weren't worth having anyway. The best ones stay by you, no matter what.
Who did you last text?
Last December, who were you in a relationship with?
December 2007 no one, December 2008 Adam.
Do you miss anybody?
I miss Alicia and Richie a lot.
Did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?
maybe when I was younger
Do you think you are an argumentative person?
yes and no. these days instead of arguing I tend to avoid.
How are you feeling right now?
bored, restless and pissed off at UPS.
Last time you laughed?
Excited about anything?
not at the moment.
Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
we just had our 6 months on Wednesday, and now we're only going to celebrate annuals.
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I think so
Are you someone who worries too often ?
Have you ever dyed your hair?
yes, I can't be the Dolly Parton of archaeology unless I did.
How many children do you want?
Do you have a bad temper?
I keep it in check
Have you ever spent the night in the hospital?
I had surgery when I was 15, but not since.
Want to get something off your chest ?
sometimes things I see or read from people I used to know on internet sites can frustrate me, but at this point I don't see any reason to say anything. I'm not who I was at 21 anymore, I don't get drunk or party, I don't see why things are the way they are. I'll leave it at that.
Anything good happening tomorrow?
well for starters I won't be waiting for UPS. and I think it will be warm enough to run outside.
Are you saving up money for anything in particular ?
running accessories, a visit to the salon, size 4 clothes soon.
Is there a guy that knows every thing or mostly every thing about you?
my dad and Adam.
Is there someone you want to talk to right now?
anyone I'm so bored!!!
Were you happy when you woke up today ?
no, we have visitors and one is particularly talkative, and it was too cold to run. Does that make a me a wuss that I won't run if it's under 20 degrees outside?
Last thing you drank ?
Doing anything special tonight?
I'm probably going to just shower and make myself dinner and read. maybe I will head out to look for a new winter coat that's on sale. Maybe later we'll watch Star Trek.
Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
indeed it is :)
Name one person that you miss who has died?
Last thing that made you laugh really hard?
Adam and I being silly
Does it annoy you to see white people acting like they're black?
seriously? people should act how they want to act and forget about culturally mandated behaviors.
Are you going to prom this year?
Who do you feel like you are losing?
Does it scare you to think that you'll never be good enough to get a decent man/woman?
I found a decent man. Actually he's more than just decent he's incredible. So nope, not scared.
Are you afraid to stay home all alone?
How are you feeling at this exact moment?
slightly overwhelmed with moving and waiting for the movers and looking for a job and working on the never ending bead paper and applying for grad school and quitting smoking omg omg omg
Are you someone who worries too often?
Do you ever wonder how other people see you?
I used to. Now it doesn't matter so much.
What is one good thing you're known for?
being a cheerful goofus I guess
How about one bad thing?
I still smoke and can be kind of catty sometimes. Also although my cheery exterior hides it I am super shy and avoidant of conflict these days.
Are you taller than most?
I live in a world of giants.
When was the last time you sang an entire song?
I don't remember
Do you like the last person who sent you a message?
yes, he's the dreamiest.
What time do you normally go to bed?
between 11 and midnight
What is one thing that is currently bothering you?
the economy. whether or not these stupid movers are going to show up.
What did you do yesterday?
IKEA and Mexican food.
What was the last thing that you ate/drank?
crackers and a pop, I need to get back into healthy eating.
Has anyone ever said I love you to you and not meant it?:
Do you realize it when you curse?
lately I have been more conservative about how I speak. unless I am talking about how much I hate the fucking government.
Who did you last talk to in person?
one of the people who works at the moving company.
Do you think places like NYC and California are overrated?
After being here for 2 full days I love NYC. It's different than Chicago, but I haven't seen a lot of it. I went to San Diego last year and thought it was stupid. California is definitely over-rated. The jury is leaning towards NYC is pretty sweet.
Whose graduation will you be attending next?
I hate commencement ceremonies. If Alicia goes to her commencement I will attend. Otherwise, not until Adam gets his PhD probably.
Did you ever have that one teacher that loved to humiliate their students?
I have a teacher that unwittingly humiliates herself on a constant basis.
Do you think some people are crazy for wearing jeans in the summer?
no, but super tight jeans maybe.
How did you and your number 3 become friends?
I don't get the whole number three thing. I guess my three best friends would be Alicia, Adam, and Jackie. Jackie and I were pals in high school and in college.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
11:30ish because Adam and I were watching House.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
one of the guys at the moving company
What are you excited about?
getting the apartment all set up and ready for living, getting a job
What are you doing tomorrow?
continuing to set up the apartment if our furniture ever comes and hopefully beginning the job search.
What are your plans for the next weekend?
depends on how much we get done this week and Adam's reading schedule.
What's your hair look like today?
slightly messy but mostly straight
Are you someone's best friend?
Have you ever thought you liked someone, then found out that you really don't?
When is the last time you saw your number 1 on your top friends list?
How old do you think you will be when you finally have kids?
probably 28 or 29
Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
it's a possibility
Are you waiting for something?
THE MOVING GUYS WITH MY FURNITURE!
Who are you closest to in your family?
lately my dad
Do you miss anyone?
my parents, Milo, Alicia, the other friends and associates scattered about.