sunshine

Here Am I - Anis Mojgani




we all wanted that high school sweetheart
we wanted to be young in the 50s with meatloaves
and sock hops
and lawns, lawns so perfect they looked like Clark Gable was kissing them

we wanted to be thirteen and alive and meet a girl that was thirteen and alive
and walk with her past the grandstands, to sit and hold hands, to sit and kiss, to sit and sit, like it was something you would miss, but that never was

we once went to bed like between the bed sheets was a valley with dinosaurs still breathing
and how we capture these triceratops?
and brontosauruses?
but even they were opened up with the smoke that rose out of the homes and the corners that we once climbed through,
the streets and the footballs which we once threw,
the school desks upon which we once drew,
the windows that sat open through we once flew,
before the outside world of parking spaces and dead friends came flooding on in
and we forgot what we wanted
and we became what we become: waitresses and bartenders, city employees and temp positions, we are junkies and one kiss poems and we cry the stars
as we write our scars onto dumpsters
and electric boxes
because the only thing that we can hear is our hearts
and the only ones listening are the streets

that the blood that breaths through the letters we leave
and we dream to rise ourselves up out of these burning buildings
but instead we get buried somewhere beneath

because I know my life is like some high school kids notebook
a high school kid that shuffles back and forth between school and home
stacking the letters and the pictures too close for anyone outside of his own imagination to read
because it's through the ink that his heart beats,
that his heart breaths
and we all just wanted to write these notes

check if you like me
check if you don’t
check if you'll date me
check if you won't

because we all wanted the love songs to be true
and we did love dinosaurs once
and we wanted the stars to hold our hands,
to lick the teeth to fuck us,
but they ended up fucking us,
so let your smile twist
like my heart dancing precariously on the edge of my fingertips,
staining them like that same high school kid licking his thoughts,
using his sharpie tip writing:

"I was here / I was here mothafucka / And ain't none of y'all can write that in the spot that I just wrote it in / I’m here mothafucka and we all here mothafucka and we all mothafuckas, mothafucka / Because every breath I give brings me a second closer to the day that my mother may die / Because every breath I take takes me a second further from the moment she caught my father's eye / Because every word I carry is another stone to put into place in the foundation that I'm building / Because the days can erase something that I never saw / What all of us wanted and what none of us got /What we all had and have and what we all forgot / That we all wanted to be something / That we all became something / And it might not be the shit we once though we'd be when we were kids but something is still something and like some cats say, something is better than nothing / Feet are smarter than an engine / And dreams are stronger than thighs / And questions are the only answers we need to know that we are alive as I am when I have the mind of a child, asking why is 2 + 3 always equal to 5 ? / Where do people go to when they die? / What made the beauty of the moon? / And the beauty of the sea? / Did that beauty made you? / Did that beauty make me? / Will that make me something? / Will I be something? / Am I something?”

And the answer comes: already am, always was, and I still have time to be
sunshine

(no subject)

I was listening to this song earlier, and it got me to thinking about the actual word soulmate.

soul-mate. soul. mate. your soul has a mate.

I don't know who came up with this term, putting a name to the connection of two souls, but I think it is so beautiful. Before now I just thought of a soulmate as someone you just had a super huge crush on, but now I feel like you don't even have a choice in the matter.

Your soul will find it's mate. There's no need to worry, because everyone's soul has a mate, and if your soul doesn't find it's mate, your soul's mate will find it's mate, being your soul, so you will find your soul mate. That's probably difficult to follow, but my mind is crazy.

The fact that someone thought up the term "soul mate" makes me feel a whole lot better about things. It makes me feel like someone understands what is going on with me, with how I'm feeling, and with what I want. A mate for my soul; my entire being. For my soul, which is radiating with so much love to be shared, to find another soul with just as much love to share.

"I'm more human than anyone I know"
This is how I usually feel, but the term soulmates makes me feel like there is hope.
sunshine

(no subject)

Orientation was brutal. So much information al at once, and it was super boring. And it was 12 hours a day, for 2 days.

Graduation is tomorrow and I am SUPER excited, I will post pictures.


Also, I can't stop watchin/listening to this:
sunshine

(no subject)

Why is my life so uneventful?
Today was my last day of high school ever, and then graduation is a week from tomorrow.
And my college orientation is monday.


Other than that I don't really do anything. That's a lie, but whatever.

Also, my dreads are a little over 9 months, and they're getting soo so long. <3
sunshine

(no subject)

It doesn't snow where I live, so I make angels in the dirt,
Share honest laughs on swingsets, pick daisies from the earth,
Give bouquets to sad-faced strangers, and wish on dandellion seeds;
I spread smiles via contagion, as if joy were a disease.


There's knowledge on my tongue, in an ever-increasing dose,
Serenity in my lungs, and excitement up my nose.
I'd put poison in my veins, whilst truth trickled down my throat,
But no chemical, no pain, can stop this love from coming out.