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everyone makes a voyage

this is mine

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walmart firemen
I'm a little stressed out in general lately, and I hate talking to people about this shit. I hear everyone else talking about their problems, and then the people they talk to just complain about having to hear people complain. So here is my rant. You can read it if you want, or not. I don't care.

This semester is almost over, and I think I'm finishing up pretty terribly. I lost my motivation about halfway through, and then getting a job where I'm exhausting myself for 40 hours a week has eliminated any drive I had left. I thought this was going to be an easy semester since it was all just finishing up my gen-eds, but I really wish I had taken an accounting class or two just to remind me that I'm going to school for a reason. Macomb is great for people that have no other options, I guess, but I feel like it sucked the good student/intelligence out of me. I need a change. I actually needed a change a few weeks ago. The only class that I've continued to put effort towards and have done well in is my pointless 2 credit piano class.

I hate this feeling that I go out more than I should, yet I still don't go out enough to maintain relationships. I don't talk to anyone nearly as much as I used to, and it's not their fault. I'd like to think it's circumstantial, but I'm willing to take some of the blame myself. Why does it depress me that I don't go to Jamboozies on Tuesdays or Luna on Wednesdays? Honestly, what am I missing out on? I mean, yeah, I'd love to see my friends, but it's the same every time.


My mom is funny and cool and whatever, and that's all that anyone sees. But she can be a pretty big bitch sometimes, too. She's unbelievably caddy and immature. She always tells me slanted stories of the stupid fights she gets in with my sister (over my sister's wedding, mind you) and expects me to be on her side automatically. She always accuses me of being in a bad mood when I'm not making conversation with her, which is annoying and tends to actually put me in a bad mood. I usually just want to relax when I'm not running around at work, in class, doing homework, or forcing myself to drive all over metro-Detroit to salvage some type of a social life or see Lauren. Is it too much to ask to just be left alone for a bit? I know this is a small thing, but she yells at everyone to do their own dishes instead of leaving them in the sink, and today, I washed my two dishes from lunch and not the 12-15 items in the sink from when she made lunch for the girls she babysits. She yelled at me for not doing all of the dishes. Really? Not only are those your dishes that you dirtied, but you get paid to clean up after these girls. Plus, I only had two things, so if someone's going to do the other person's dishes, it would make sense that it would be the other way around. Not to mention that I do the dishes more than the other 3 people that live here combined. Whatever, this is stupid. It's not that big of a deal, I'm just annoyed with her and school and a little bit of life right now.

I hate that I can think objectively and know that none of this matters, and that I have a lot of stuff going for me and my life's pretty good, but despite that I get these random days where I have to fight off seemingly full blown depression.

I just wish I still had my house so that I wouldn't have to go anywhere and all of my friends would just hang out with me all the time. :/

**EDIT** It's 12:30am and I have to be awake for work at 8am, but I'm up starting a load of laundry because I just now noticed that my mom went out of her way to take my work clothes out of the dirty laundry that she was putting in the washing machine. What bullshit. It required more effort for her to not wash my things that I put in with the rest of my family's clothes than to just keep them in and not screw me over. She's such a fucking brat.

(no subject)
walmart firemen
Josh Wolak said it best. He told me that I have an "angel complex." I have a need to help others. I need to be needed. It's beyond just a desire to be liked. I'm pretty sure just about everyone who knows me likes me. It's more than that.

I feel like I've been a rock (A-Rock? Nick?) against which a lot of people have leaned, and I loved it. I made decent money and could help people out that way. I had a place for people to regularly party/crash/party crash. I hooked several people up with jobs. I would help people out with homework. I used to even tie a tie for Watson every time he needed to get dressed up. I was like the dad of my friends.

Now I feel like I have nothing to offer. I'm broke. I sold my house (losing most of what money I had left) and live at home. I can't even get myself a job. I feel like I'm starting all over. But it's even worse because I had everything* before, and I lost it.

I think I've lost most of my self-esteem and confidence. The only times I really feel completely comfortable are my once-a-week football games, because, let's be honest, I'll always know I'm incredible at sports. Alas, all good things must come to an end, though; this week is the final game (Thursday at 6:45 at Liberty Park; it's the championship game, so I'll see you all there kthx).

For those of you that have known me less than a year or so, you probably haven't noticed anything. But the rest, do you remember how incredibly loud and outgoing I used to be? It may seem like I'm just growing up and becoming more adult-like, but I'm really just more subdued because I'm nervous. I'm nervous that people won't like me as much because all I have to offer them is my personality. Nobody needs me anymore.

The worst part about this is that I have the perfect girlfriend. Really logical, I know. I get so worried sometimes that she's too good for me. I mean no disrespect to anybody I've dated in the past (I'm confident that this is is caused solely by the change in my mindset), but I've never had that fear before. I have to act like I'm fine because I feel like if I show any chinks in my armor, then she'll realize it. It's a catch 22, though, because I don't want to be fake towards her in any way. Gah. I don't know. I'm know full well that if I were to talk to her about all of this, she'd have some wonderful response to make me feel great, but this isn't something that words can cure. At least I don't think.**

This seems like a woe-is-me, sob post, but I assure you that it is not. I don't want words of encouragement or anything like that. You don't need to say things like "you're going to school, it's ok!" or "it's hard for everyone to find a job now!" That won't do any good. I may be lacking self-esteem and confidence, but I'm still arrogant. I am more than capable of balancing working, going to school, having a social life, and anything else that I may decide to add in there. And I SHOULD be doing all of that.

So skip the words, and just offer me things to do. Need help painting? I'm your guy. Need someone to watch your dog while you go out of town? I've got a fenced-in yard. Need help with Calculus/Accounting/Biology/Physics/English/Marketing/Management? Go to***

Sorry for the rambling. This isn't something I normally do. I feel a little better just after getting it all out, though, I guess.

* minus Lauren
** I'm assuming you (Lauren) will read this. It's really just a lot easier for me to type it all out than to actually say any of it. I hope you don't take that personally. :/
*** not a real website

(no subject)
walmart firemen

this is mostly just for me.
walmart firemen
So, it's been almost a year since I've posted on this, and my last post was a video of my mom watching 2girls1cup, so this journal is pretty much a joke at this point. Anyway, I did this a couple years ago, and I really want to put my thoughts down just for myself. If it stimulates some discussion, then sweet.

So here is what I want out of the Tigers' offseason:

When it comes to free agents, there are 3 types, A, B and then nothing. If you're an A type, then your former team gets your new teams first round pick, plus a pick in the supplemental round after the first round. If you're a B type, then the new team gets your old team's second round pick. The free agents who aren't either of those can be signed with no draft penalty. The first 15 picks of the first round are protected, which the Tigers will have, so it goes to a second round pick for type A players. That makes a pretty big difference because the sandwich supplemental round can be up to 50 picks long, which puts the first pick in the second round somewhere around the 80th overall. Now, with our depleted farm system, giving up any picks is a bad idea, and if there are two similar free agents that we want to sign, we should lean strongly to the one with no penalties even if we like the other slightly more. However, because our first pick should be protected, it's not as big a deal as signing those players is for other teams.

So, on to the actual moves:
- Sign Joe Beimel, lefthanded pitcher, and Brandon Lyon, righthanded pitcher.
- Sign Rafeal Furcal, shortstop, if the price doesn't get toooo high.
- Sign John Parrish, lefthanded pitcher.
- Trade Magglio Ordonez and a lower tier prospect to Angels for Brandon Wood and Joe Saunders.
- Sign Juan Rivera, outfielder.
- Sign David Ross, catcher.

There's not much affordable pitching on the market this year. It's either top money guys, or guys that have been cast aside. Players like Sabathia and K-Rod are way out of our price range, and that's fine; they're out of most teams range. The problem with that, though, is that a lot of teams will be looking at those second and third tier players, giving them more options and the Tigers more competition. Pitchers like Randy Wolf and Brian Fuentes will be highly sought after, and thus will probably eliminate the Tigers. The pitchers I have listed are about the best combination of skill, cost and youth. Beimel has closer stuff, just not the experience. Lyon has the experience, but has been a bit rocky (nothing we didn't deal with in Todd Jones). Parrish is a bit of a vagabond, but he's produced decent results everywhere he's been, despite not being highly touted. His biggest draw is that he can start or pitch from the bullpen, and will come incredibly cheap.

Furcal is probably a pipe dream, but I've always been a fan of his, and the team that's rumored to making the biggest run at him is Oakland. If we can't convince Furcal that we have a better chance of winning and outbid tight-pocketed Oakland, then we have a problem. If we aren't able to sign him, then I say we just stick it out with Santiago. The next best realistic option in free agency is Izturis, and he's just a glorified version of Ramon, anyway.

Magz is great. He's good for P.R. and he's been our steadiest player (albeit our most overrated, as well) over the past several years. The Angels have a loaded outfield, but Garrett Anderson and Juan Rivera (a guy that I'll talk about in a second) are gone, so they really only have Guerrero, Matthews and Hunter to play in the outfield and DH. They also have a glut of thirdbasemen and young pitchers, so they could take the hit of losing those two solid players.

Juan Rivera is a good young player, who, when healthy, can put up number along the lines of Magz, but with a lower average and better play in the outfield. He's shown that he can be productive, but broke his leg and lost a season to injury, then when he got back, he was stuck behind a log jam in the outfield. If given an opportunity to play every day, he should be more than solid, and won't cost too much.

Lastly, and probably least importantly, is David Ross. He's the youngest available catcher, but still has a lot of experience. He's not great defensively, but he's decent enough, and he's got some pop in his bat (think Inge in 2006). If we don't sign him, we should bypass free agents and send a prospect or two to Texas for one of their catchers: Laird, Saltalamacchia, Teagarden or Ramirez.

Only Looper and Beimel would cost the Tigers draft picks, and they are both type B's, so it would end up being a 2nd and a 3rd round pick total. That's not bad for all of those players.

If all of these things come to be, this would be our roster:

1. Rafael Furcal SS
2. Placido Polanco 2B
3. Curtis Granderson CF
4. Miguel Cabrera 1B
5. Carlos Guillen LF/RF
6. Juan Rivera RF/LF
7. Gary Sheffield DH
8. David Ross C
9. Brandon Wood 3B

Brandon Inge
Ramon Santiago
Marcus Thames

Starting Pitching
1. Justin Verlander RHP
2. Joe Saunders LHP
3. Armando Galarraga RHP
4. Jeremy Bonderman RHP
5. John Parrish LHP

Closer Brandon Lyon RHP
Setup Joel Zumaya RHP
Setup Joe Beimel LHP
Setup Fernando Rodney RHP
Setup Bobby Seay LHP
Long Nate Robertson LHP
Long Aquilino Lopez RHP
Long Dontrelle Willis LHP

It's hard for me to leave off guys like Ryan Raburn and Matt Joyce, but those three bench players cover every position on the field, and Raburn and Joyce are young enough to possibly get more out of being in the minors anyway. The other difficult part was having Robertson and Willis on the roster, but their contracts won't have it any other way. If they actually play well, Parrish could be bumped to the bullpen in favor of them. I can't decide if this is the best possible team that the Tigers could put together with some consideration of cash and whatnot, but I would say that this would be an improved team, while still getting younger.

(no subject)
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(no subject)
walmart firemen

The Tigers game outing that she organizes every year will be on May 20th. It is against St. Louis, and because of that matchup, she didn't get quite the deal that she has in years past. It will be $10, and this year does NOT include a food item. It's basically just the regular price, but it's still worth it, just to hang out with CB.

The thing is that she only got 90-some tickets this year, whereas she usually gets about 140. That means that you need to act fast if you want in on this. So let me know asap and get me your money by Wednesday, April 4th. If you wait til after that, I may still be able to get you a ticket, but there are no guarantees. So holla.

(no subject)
walmart firemen
I may never be productive at work again.

This is not well-thought out, nor proofread, so don't judge.
walmart firemen
Hillary Clinton has now officially formed her exploratory committee and is set to run for President. Upon hearing this, I spent a decent amount of time on her site (; I watched the videos and read the blogs and this is what I've come away with so far:

- She wore the same outfit in her first online "conversation" as she did on her appearance on The View a few weeks ago. Nit picky, I know, but c'mon.

- She went on The View! I mean, sure, she's going to get the housewives' votes, but first of all, she's a woman and would've gotten them anyways. All that did is put more focus on the fact that she is indeed a woman, and to be honest, that's a pretty bad campaign approach. The more womanly she looks, the less likely she is to get any guys to vote for her.

- The first question that she is asked in her conversation video, her answer is literally "I don't know." Granted, the question was about whether or not the country is ready for a female president, and that's probably the only truthful answer anyone could give, but seriously, is that how you would want to answer that question, let alone have that be the first question?

I don't know. I don't know much about her political career, but I can't see her doing anything to make me vote for her. We'll see, though.

Sidenote #1: According to her appearance on The View, which is about a month old, and probably not terribly credible to begin with, she leads all other candidates in initial polls by a significant margin. I could easily look into this more and find out for sure, but I just don't feel like it and am much more comfortable with assuming that this information is wrong, than finding actual results and risking discovering that it's true.

Sidenote #2: If she gets elected the progression of presidents will be Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton. Weird.

walmart firemen
Come help us celebrate the births of Diane Keaton and Marilyn Manson at our new house!

For those of you that were there on New Years, this is your chance to make up for your poor drinking performances by finishing off the kegs/liquor/random things that people left for us.

For those of you that weren't at the party, this is your chance to prove that you're really not that lame... and help us finish off the alcohol.

Come over around 9 or any time after; we'll be there. Playing beer pong. Or just getting drunk in general.

And if it's anything like last night, then there will indeed be naked people running around.


walmart firemen
We are finally (mostly) moved into the new house and we want to celebrate that and the dawning of a new year with all of you tonight. We purchased a half barrel of Miller Light and a half barrel of Blue Light, along with a plethora of liquor. (Donations appreciated, not mandatory.)

Come whenever you want after like 6pm, the address is 16704 Karenina Ct., Macomb Township, MI 48044.

It's going to be sweet. Seriously.

Call if you need anything at all. 586.201.6525.


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