December 21st, 2009

weep

Take this job and shove it.

I think I have finally hit the point with the loathing I have for my job has surpassed the fear I have for filling out applications and job hunting. At least at this very moment I am motivated enough that once I get home I will actually work on a cover letter and put in some applications.

Specifically I'm fed up with the way my boss does things. But that's a rant that could take an hour and I won't go into it here (I tried but it was taking too long. I had only scratched the surface so I stopped before it got out of hand). Suffice to say that it has gotten significantly worse over the last couple of months.

Also, let me express just how much I hate applying for jobs. Every time I sit down and try to work on anything job related (resume, applications, etc) I have to overcome a near paralyzing fear of rejection. I see every rejection letter I have ever gotten and that is all I can think about. It takes a lot to get over that hump and since I am still employed I haven't had that motivation. Even describing that feeling is making me a bit phobic.

I've calmed down several notches since I started posting but knowing that I'll be that frustrated again at least twice before the week is out should keep the coals of the fire burning enough to get me started. **edit**Unless I get a panic attack instead.

I do know that I am extremely lucky to even *have* a job with the way things are right now. My heart goes out to everyone who needs to find a new job as opposed to me who wants to find a new job.