__kat__ (__kat__) wrote,
__kat__
__kat__

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Not quite dead

I still have the bike but between craptastic weather, various conventions, and the resulting plague I haven't gotten around to riding again. Moose stares at me from the corner of my apartment. I know have a room with a moose and have been left to my moosey fate.

Origins was the weekend before last and it was awesome. I guess I didn't really do much at Origins except playing a monster at TerrorWerks but that's what I go for. I had a blast. This year the scenario had us as cyborgs so instead of falling dramatically to our deaths we "powered down" and slumped over. It was much easier on my body than falling over and getting up countless times, not quite as fun but I was still able to move by the end of the weekend. I turned myself into a seizure inducing light show for my cyborg costume, and I didn't burn myself in the process!

Inconjunction was last weekend and it was fun. It wasn't the caffeine soaked sugar high I've come to associate most conventions with but I got to catch up with some friends in Indy. Incon will always have a special place in my heart as my first real convention and it *is* fun, it just pales in comparison to many of the other conventions I've started attending. It is the convention that I actually enter the masquerade and this year I came in second with Matilda, the troll that lives under the Shadeland Avenue overpass. Matilda was a fun character to play and I'm going to see about improving some details and maybe enter her in the Gencon masquerade (time permitting).


Incon has a reunion vibe to it, especially now that I've left the Indianapolis area. Unfortunately I'm starting to feel like the tag along third wheel person. Baggage has accumulated between me and the ex and there is an awkwardness brewing in the group dynamics since he is still part of the group and I'm not. I know I could probably clear it away but at this point I'm too stubborn to be the person that does it. The reason there *is* baggage is that he was never the one to take that step. I could do it, but in doing so it just reinforces that he never would thus making be bitter and starting the cycle again.

One of the reasons I left was to try and diminish the drama for the group and avoid my personal pain. A bonus to moving out of state was the ability to remove myself from the situation entirely. The distance has actually done me a lot of good. In this last year I feel like I've really moved on, it only took me 3 frickin' years and a move of nearly 200 miles.

Well let me specify. I've moved on from the break up at least as much as I'm ever going to. It still hurts (rip out my heart and crush it, why don't you?) it always will but it doesn't hurt all the time and I can move on. What I am NOT over is the complete betrayal of our friendship that came at probably the worst possible time in my life. All the noises he made about how much he valued our friendship and wanted to try and continue at least that part of our relationship and how bad he felt about hurting me...

WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU WHEN MY FATHER KILLED HIMSELF TWO MONTHS LATER!!!???
Some friend.
Yeah, the timing was awkward but after dad died I didn't need a boyfriend, I needed a friend and there was someone who had promised to be that friend and then wasn't. That's what I can't get past and at this point I doubt I will.

Obviously he's moved on, married last I heard. Good for him, I wish them the best, and I do mean that.

Moving on,

Ba-con is tomorrow. I'm still recovering from some form of plague, possibly con-plague but the timing was a bit weird for that. It did give me an awesome voice for the Matilda costume and yesterday's vertigo was pretty fun. Ba-con, celebrating geek culture and all things bacon. Between the plague, Nyquil, and emotional purge above I'm having trouble getting excited over it.
I'm just tired.
And now I miss my dad
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