i have a new lj,
add it or don't,
i don't care.
i haven't been this happy in like 2 years.
and i don't care what anyone thinks.
my black dahlia.
perfect song right now.
i overdosed on drugs a year ago today.
this is how i feel DSAJKFHSDKJFHSDKJFHSDKJFHSDKJFHSD.
i just feel fucked up right now.
that is all.
i'm starting to get into maylene and the sons of disaster, dr. acula,
job for a cowboy, hatebreed, mychildren mybride etc.
and it makes me wonder if you what you said was right,
maybe i just hated that music because you loved it.
i just wish you would've respected my need for space,
instead of replacing me as soon as you could,
and saying all kinds of mean things,
and acting like you stopped caring,
when we both know you didn't.
you're acting like a 14 year old,
you're acting like our replationship never meant anything,
or like it was crap,
when you know good and well it wasn't all bad.
you're gonna miss me eventually,
and when you do i won't be there for you.
i would've done anything for you.
you're just lying to yourself to make it hurt less.
deal with it.
idk and i dont care anymore.
i don't love you anymore.
i'm over it.
it's really effing sad when your own boyfriend won't take up for you against little blonde sluts,
but his best friend will.
"what if we already met the right person, but weren't ready to fall in love? maybe the deepest part of who we are is what scares us or breaks our hearts. maybe it's not about the happy ending, but about the story. everyone says love hurts. when actually love doesn't hurt. love didn't leave you for some other girl, nor did it break your heart. so stop blaming love for once and start blaming the asshole that gave up on you."
he is my lunchroom buddy.
i miss bobby :[
i was listening to a c.d. matt made me when we first met last night,
and i was thinking about how much i loved those c.d.'s,
and i realized that i suck.
i wish i knew what i was thinking.
i wish i even knew how i felt.
but i don't.
i feel, just in-between,
and i'm not even sure i care anymore.
but then again i do,
and all i seem to do is care.
i wish i could explain myself to you,
and i wish i knew what you were thinking.
but i don't.
i wish i could get it through your head that you're the only person i love,
and i really want to be with you,
but on the other hand i just need to be alone.
i wish you knew what i was doing every second of every day,
but you don't.
i wish you could understand,
or at least try to understand me,
but you won't.
i wish it was like it was when we first got together,
but it's not.
i wish you could just love me for who i am;
but you can't.
i wish you could understand that all i've wanted for the past year and eight months,
is to be with you.
live with you, marry you, have kids with you,
but i guess i've ruined that.
i wish i could understand why i'm so mean to you,
or why you annoy the hell out of me.
i wish we weren't so different,
and i wish i was exactly what you wanted.
but we're not,
and i'm not.
most of all i hope you read this,
and i hope you'll try to understand how much i love you,
and how much i'll always love you.
i love you so much,
but i am so tired of fighting.
nothing ever helps,
we're both too stubborn,
and i feel like i'm always wrong.
i don't want to feel like this anymore.
everyone should watch eternal sunshine of the spotless mind bc that is exactly how i am feeling at this moment.
or you could listen to discovering the waterfront - silverstein bc that also is how i feel.