it's stressful being an other, jack. (__inadream) wrote,
it's stressful being an other, jack.

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there have been a lot of changes in my life lately, some good, some bad. i know i haven't updated in forever so i decided to just do a bulleted post, to make it easier.

1) obviously, brian's mom died. it was absolutely terrible. we had gone to the casino with his parents the night before, and nine hours later brian is calling, crying, telling me she was rushed to the hospital. by the time i got there (they live 45 mins. away), she had died. she had really bad asthma, and they figure that what happened is she had a bad attack, her treatment wasn't working, and she called 911. she tried to go outside to let gary know (he was outside shoveling), and she collapsed. she aspirated. when the EMTs got there, they were able to revive her, but in the ER, before any of the family could get in to see her, she had a heart attack and died. she was 50 years old, went to the gym three times a week, and was in perfect health according to the medical examiner. her lungs stopped working because of the attack, and it made her heart stop.

it was ridiculously heartbreaking, hard, upsetting, everything. i still get teary when i think about her. she was like my second mom, literally. i dream about her all the time. i loved her. it's terrible. the first time i went to bowling (she was my partner), i had to immediately go to the bathroom and calm myself down before i had a panic attack. obviously, brian is terribly upset and still hasn't slept a whole night through. he doesn't talk about it much but i know. which brings me to....

2) brian and i are pretty much back together. we had been hanging more before his mom died, but still seeming to fight a lot. but after his mom died, it just punched me right in the face: i love him, he loves me. we CAN work things out. life's too short to let stupid shit get between us and make us fight, and it's too short to keep us apart if we both love each other and are committed. he feels the same, because we've had a few talks about it. we haven't had any official, sit-down where-is-this-going talks yet, because we're both still dealing with so much grief, but we are both on the same page about it.

3) i love my new job. i only have three more weeks of training before i'm out on the floor and i can't wait. i love it, but it's getting frustrating lately. we've started working pieces like we will on the floor, and two of us get it and can just zoom right through, one has some questions but can pretty much keep up.. but one doesn't really seem to get it at all and we have to stop all the time and explain things to her. it's taking us one hour plus to do a piece i can do in half an hour, max. and i'm the fastest in the class doing them, and i consistently get them right. my trainer told me she told my supervisor that i'm the kind of rep that will get out on the floor and surpass reps that have been there for twenty years. it sounds snobby but it's true. so it's frustrating when i want to try harder pieces, working on my productivity, and we have to keep stopping. blahh.

4) i got an apartment!!!!!! i move in april 4th! it's only $460/month plus heat/electric, which is only gonna be like $50. it has off-street parking that is right next to the house, and is within walking distance of a laundromat, hospital, gas station, subway, pizza hut, 2 bars, video store, and liquor stores, and with a small park nearby. it's a second floor apartment that is listed as a studio, but it looks like this, so it's not really. WALKIN CLOSETTT HOLLA!!! hardwood floors in living room/kitchen/hallway, carpet in bedroom, tile in bathroom. 2 windows in living room and bedroom. it's so nice and light and perfect-sized for gabbi and zobo!

5) i was supposed to move in with katie before sue died, but i found out she went and told brian's friend quanz a bunch of shit i didn't even say and i was not even gonna deal with that. not to mention that brian would never be able to come over cause they don't like each other. anyway, i found out a few days ago from kate that she had like a breakdown after i changed my mind and told her i didn't want to move in together, she was committed to the hospital, put on suicide watch, and has been cutting pretty excessively lately. she can't drive, can't be alone, can't go to her old apartment to see any of her pets cause her abusive ex still lives there. it sucks. i feel kind of responsible or guilty or something, because if we had moved in together she probably would've been fine. but at the same time, i couldn't have dealt with it if we were living together and she had her breakdown, so idk.

so pretty much, my life has been full of high highs and low lows, lately. it sucks, and the lows are terrible and i hate them, but the highs help make up for it a bit.

i miss you all. sorry i haven't been around much, but i'm going to try to post more and things.

ps. lost is fucking crazier than ever and i looooove it! i like juliet now. she's grown on me.
pps. adam lambert can sing me the ABCs and i think i'd just sit there gaping happily at him like a drunken fool. he pwns me.
Tags: adam lambert, american idol 09, apartment, brian, brian&gabbi, gary spencer, i'm a big girl now, katie, life sucks, lost, new job, paula, quanz, sue spencer, work, zoe
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