she sleeps in the kitchen

i don't care what i say sometimes, i do love him no matter what.
i could be pissed the fuck off and still yet, when i look at him i think of middle school..of freshman year..of all our times together growing up and i can't help but get that reminiscent giddy feeling.. 


i watched a documentary about the oxycontin express, it showed women in prison because they fiend so hard for oxycodone that they drive 16 hours to flordia to risk losing their families just to get their fix.  videos of their three year olds yelling and screaming into the phone while scratching at the glass, wanting their mommy, not knowing what in the hell is going on.  if you are so low that you can forsake your own children for the satisfaction of a pill then why in the world would you call yourself a mother?  i lived that life, i scratched that glass, i called the jail so many times mom had to disconnect the phone because the bill was outrageous, i cried, i hurt, i heard gun shots, i watched people do drugs on my kitchen table, i hid behind the water heater for safety when the men came to our door, and yet here i am.  a mother of two, a wife, a dedicated worker and student, and someone who is proud to say, watch me rise. 

pregnant with baby #2!
wahoooo!

Life throws a fast ball.

I'm confused and hurt.  I cry a lot.  I would love to explain everything but I really can't.  Just know that I'm not near as happy as I try to pretend to be.  

I have three more years to make up my mind.




Good things going on in my life:


My best friend Morgan is moving in with me!

My daughter is beautiful and very intelligent.

School starts back August 17th.

I received my first business cell phone yesterday.  Hoorah for this federal job!

I haven't updated in 14 weeks.  wow.
I'm a Census Partnership Specialist. 
To everyone: FILL OUT YOUR CENSUS FORMS! 10 QUESTIONS!


Cambria is crawling like crazy, trying to walk, saying mom-mom, eating solids, and sleeping very little.

I'm doing pretty good these days.  Very tired and very busy. 


See you in another 14 weeks.

so jeremy and i have a new house, or well, mobile home.  it's extremely nice too!  it's a 2006 16x72 clayton.  3 bedrooms, 2 baths. 
we're moving it to mill pond :D
i'm excited because we're taking up the carpet and putting down hardwood floors and painting the walls whatever color we please.
this is a big thing since we couldn't do this at the apartment.

everyone come see us.  buy us a waffle maker.


cambria is 5 months old.  time flies by.
she's already trying to walk!  my baby girl is very smart.

i start work with the US census next week.  we'll be loaded with the moneyz.
i want a sleigh bed and a new phone.  make it happen.

god, please let this loan go through.

sorry lins, but i have to say it...

EVERYONE GO WATCH THE WATCHMEN.

i actually enjoyed every second of it which is saying a lot because i usually don't get into those super hero movies.  this one is different though, it's dark, has an adult storyline, and you get to see superhero dingdongs.   

things are going better.
i'm tanning, losing weight, and i cut all my hair off.






jeremy and i are going to tour this house soon and hopefully buy it.
I WANT A HOUSE!

check it out here:
http://www.salliedavidsonrealtors.com/listings/detail.php?lid=43223997&limit=0&offset=20&&&posc=25&post=36&cfq=limit%3D10%26county%3D51%26state%3D21%26pricemax%3D999999999%26property_category%3D1%26radarea%3D1%26searchtype%3D1%26sort%3D1%26restype%3D1%26areas[0]%3DClay%2520County%26searchtypesent%3D1%26yb_l%3D0000%26yb_h%3D2009%26vtycount%3D2%26SRSearchDate%3D1233506995%26SRRecordCount%3D36%26SRPageCount%3D4%26SRPage%3D3

as much as i'd like to say everything gets better when you get married i really just can't.
i miss late spring/early summer.
i made a huge list of all things i miss and gave it to him, maybe he can try to fix us.
maybe it is the hormones, the stress, and the insomnia but i'd still like to see the actual you more often.
he exceeds every other human being i have ever been with, but sometimes he can make me feel as if i don't even exist.
i'm not the same person i was before.
i need attention every so often. at least once a week. ask me about my day, what i had for lunch, or anything.
i never thought out of all the potential problems i would have in a relationship this would be the one to nearly drive me insane.
i love my child and my husband but once you start a family you never have time to be a family.
i'd really just like to press pause on everyone that's around me except my little family and have a nice happy day without the usual daily stress.
i never get to just sit anymore, i couldn't tell you the latest tv shows or what's happening in the news.
there just isn't enough minutes in my day.



uncle joe took dimebag and gave him to a "good little family" all of us know that really means he took him up the road and smashed his head against the blacktop a few times then threw him in the creek.
so, rest in peace dimebag.

negative test but still no period.