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_completely gone_
27 March
I do not pull punches. I am not a fraud. I do not play to the masses. I am, be assured, an acquired taste. I can be a bitch, I can be a sap, but I am always me. I will not edit myself for television. I write what I feel, usually train of thought and sometimes without spell check. I believe sometimes substance can win over style; sometimes. I write about a variety of subjects including my life, my dreams, and my political, socioeconomic views. I do quizzes once in a blue moon, and once in a while I will do a survey and I do polls here and there. I never turn comments off; I am always open to debate. I will not spare your feelings, I don't spare my own. I will not tolerate people telling me what I can and cannot write about. I am all about honesty. I write for my sanity, not for your amusement. This is not a joke journal, I am not billiam. I am a real person with real feelings and sometimes, they are not what you would call happy feelings. This is my journal. I read. I comment. I deserve the same. I am always open to debate. I never turn off comments. I own what I do and I own what I write. I am what I am. Many of my posts are mature in nature, so if you have an issue about that then you need to be upfront about it or deal. Please don't add me if you write in some made up language, if I have to figure out what you're writing because j00 TyPe 133k dis, I admire your creativity, but we wont be compatible. Please don't add me if so you can make your friends list huge, that it so childish and I will not tolerate it. Also, I am not religious, but I am Catholic and I tend to be critical of religion in general. If you offend easily, I may not be for you. I am not trying to offend you, if I was, you would know. I write how I feel. Just because I don't share your view or believe in your religion does not mean I don't like you. Like I said, I don't turn comments off, if you disagree with me tell me why, maybe you'll open my eyes to something I overlooked. Accept me, and I will accept you. Love me and I will love you. Respect me and I will respect you. Be a friend to me and I will be a friend to you. Mess with me and I will mess with you.

For everyone who thinks I'm a bitch, you're right I am. Contrary to belief, not all the time but if you piss me off, or bitch at me, I'll bitch right back. You mess with me, I'll mess with you. An eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth. Now don't get me wrong, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but either way justice will be served, karma works both ways. Writing makes me happy and I live for my dreams and knowing tomorrow will always come. I do drink quite often but I'm not an alcoholic. Sure, I hook up with guys, that doesn't make me a slut. I recently began smoking again but i am not a pothead. i hang out with the stoners, that doesnt make me one, they just make life a little more interesting. Don't judge a book by it's cover, whatever I look like to you, chances are I'm not. I tend to surprise people. I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and if you ask chances are I'll reveal them... it may take a little bit of convicing but if you really want to know, you got it. But don't say I didn't warn you. I'm loud and outgoing but not obnocious. I have very few close friends, very few people that I trust. I write not for your amusment but for my sanity, I write to figure out my thoughts because I never know what I'm thinking. I rarely let people read my writing, it's the most personal thing I have. It's who I am. Don't try to change that. Don't try to change me, you will not succeed. I'm very stubborn. A true aries, if you must. I love music, it's another one of the few things that keep me sane. I don't care what kind of music it is... if I think it sounds good, I listen. I analyz things way to much, picked that one up from Joey. I make a lot of mistakes, but never regret anything I do. Don't live your life regreting things, it will never get you anywhere. I tend to learn from my mistakes, I also learn from others. Never make the same mistake twice... unless ofcourse it was fun... that's a different story in gerenral. For the most part I love my family, sure they're never around but if I let them care, I'm sure they would. School sucks, but I get through it knowing the weekend is a head. I can't hold grudges.. it takes to much time and effort. Life is way to short to live it thinking about people you're annoyed with. Love is a very complicated issue in my mind. I was never sure of love until I figured out that I actually felt it. Crazy feeling it is, never know it's really there until it's almost gone. I've had my heart broken, recently in fact. I think I'm in love with a boy who doesnt love me. But life goes on. You never know how much you need someone until you almost lose them... then it all just sets in, quicker than you'll ever know. I have lost my share of good friends. May they rest in peace. I get through everything knowing that they maybe happier where they are, knowing that one day we may reunit. I love candles, taking pictures, my teddy bear and staying up all night doing nothing but screwing around with whoever or just listening to music and thinking or talking with a good friend. Hypocrates piss me off and so do people who are really smart and just ask stupid. Liers are one of the worst things on earth, so are backstabbers. I'm afraid of a lot of things in life but will never live life fearing them. True friends will always be around. No matter what, no matter how far apart... one day they can call you and you can chil and it would be like you were never apart in the 1st place. I try my hardest to make people happy, seeing other people happy makes me happy. I try to make myself happy but have yet to succeed in that quest. People rarely cease to amaze me, always coming up with something new, always coming up with new ways to betray or new ways to get out of things easier... just new ways period. I love getting voicemail when I don't answer my phone. I love it when people post, and I love it when I get random e-mails. I constantly crave attention, part of the reason I am who I am, I am the way I am. Don't think anything is impossiable, people tend to defy the impossiable. Never say never, never is an awefully long time. Very few people in this world will ever understand me.. so when I find one who does, I try my hardest to hold onto them. Sure, maybe I do overcomplicate myself, but hey, it makes my life more amusing. Ashley is my best friend, I would do anything for that girl, we have our differences.. ya... but if you know her, you would know how inspiring she is. Ok.. so maybe I'm the only one that see's it? I love her anyways. Sean is the one person who've I've really let myself fall for. He's the one person I know I can call crying in the middle of the night and even though, he rarely helps, he's still there to listen. The sound of his voice makes my heart skip and the look he gives me stops time, but it may be over now. who knows. I believe in living life like it's going out of style. Take advantage of any chance you get. You never know what the next day will bring. Never regret anything, find the positive in the negative. Every cloud has a silver lining. I am who I am... you're approval is neither required nor desired.

"I am good, But not an Angel. I do sin, But I am not the Devil. I am pretty, But not beautiful. I have friends, but I am not the Peacemaker. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to Love."
Marilyn Monroe